Th au pair thing is also tricky with housework. They aren't officially supposed to be given "work" that isn't childcare. At the same time, they are supposed to be like additional "children" who contribute to the household.

What this usually means in practice is that you could ask for limited help with chores, or you might luck out with someone who grew up doing a lot of contributing in terms of cooking or cleaning, and keeps doing that at your house, but you're kind of stuck with what the au pair is willing to do, rather than being able to "hire" her to do those things. You'll be rejected from the program if you say you're looking for housekeeping help in addition to child care.

Anonymous wrote:I would talk to her about cleaning up their mess before she leaves acknowledging how hard it is to care for two kids. She should not be responsible for your meal prep or major cleaning in a nanny share (if she is exclusively working for you it would be different). You can ask she feed the child before you get home but its not reasonable for her to cook you a meal. Can you get meals delivered to your home instead?

I've tried to talk to her. It improves for 1-2 days and then it's back to the old routine. I honestly understand that she's maxed out herself after 8.5 hours with two babies.

Meal delivery is a great idea.

Anonymous wrote:I would actually look into getting an extra housekeeper. I found that it was about an extra $300/mo over hiring someone for weekly cleaning, the occasional take-out, and a reduction in my grocery bill. This was to have someone 20 hours/wk.

I also want to warn you about getting an au pair. Having made this mistake myself, I can tell you that bringing a teenage girl into a maxed out household with a toddler and infant is a really bad plan.

As far as there being millions of women who work full time with two small children and make a full dinner every single night...I don't think that's really true. As many MB and nannies on this board can attest to...making a full meal for four while watching an infant and toddler is a difficult task, and not something that most people want to jump right into after coming home from work. I can't blame you for thinking you want that piece taken care of, so you can just enjoy your kids.

Thanks, this was especially helpful.

OP here: a lot of great ideas and advice, thank you!! Hadn't heard about mother's helpers and will think more creatively about meals. Freezer used to be filled with milk but now we finally have some extra space. And that's a great point about not being able to plan things 100% before the second one arrives (if at all). I will check out the au pair forum to get a sense of the drama... A friend of mine had an au pair and they were very happy hence the idea.
Thanks again.

I would talk to her about cleaning up their mess before she leaves acknowledging how hard it is to care for two kids. She should not be responsible for your meal prep or major cleaning in a nanny share (if she is exclusively working for you it would be different). You can ask she feed the child before you get home but its not reasonable for her to cook you a meal. Can you get meals delivered to your home instead?

I totally agree, since the nanny cares for two children, both under the age of one.....It would be really tough for her to do anything else besides childcare.

An au pair sounds like an excellent idea to me if you have a private room for her.

I would actually look into getting an extra housekeeper. I found that it was about an extra $300/mo over hiring someone for weekly cleaning, the occasional take-out, and a reduction in my grocery bill. This was to have someone 20 hours/wk.

I also want to warn you about getting an au pair. Having made this mistake myself, I can tell you that bringing a teenage girl into a maxed out household with a toddler and infant is a really bad plan.

As far as there being millions of women who work full time with two small children and make a full dinner every single night...I don't think that's really true. As many MB and nannies on this board can attest to...making a full meal for four while watching an infant and toddler is a difficult task, and not something that most people want to jump right into after coming home from work. I can't blame you for thinking you want that piece taken care of, so you can just enjoy your kids.

Cool entres on weekends and FREEZE. Take one out every morning and ask Nanny to preheat oven, if necessary. Make stews, chili, and hearty soups now that fall and winter are coming. You can make a quick salad and nuke vegetables when You get home with little effort. Millions of women do this every single day and they work as hard as you. Use your brain.

Opie I don't think you can make a decision like this until you actually have your second child. Circumstances could change dramatically between now and then, and there is a world of difference tween adding a younger sibling at age 2, age 3, age 4, etc. what you can do now is figure out which household tasks you find most difficult to accomplish during your time with the kids and experiment with different ways of shifting that balance (such as changing who does white between yourself and your spouse or changing how do you tackle things like meals by doing them at different times of the day e.g. crockpot cooking or freezing meals ahead of time). A lot of this is just figuring out the best way to be a full-time working parent, which is pretty tricky and can take some experimentation to find a system that works for your family. Once you are actually pregnant, you can start researching different AP programs, preschool programs for your older child, etc. That will give you an idea of what options are out there. But until you can know the exact timing, and know who your firstborn is at that stage of development, it is hard to make any kind of decision.

What is stopping you from teaching your child your own native tongue yourself op?

* shared nanny

* co parented

I totally agree with 9:49!

But this thread serves as more evidence of why people should live beneath their means and a parent should be home for their child and not working all day and coming home exhausted to the point they don't want to cook etc. but so many feel the need to keep up with the times and their neighbors lifestyles. Your child is being raised by a shares nanny and then will come home and be conparented by you and another caregiver acting as a mothers helper. Please consider you or your husband staying home with your child. And it takes the cake that like most you "want ANOTHER ONE" in the future lol! I guess to play with on weekends?

Hire a mother's helper with guaranteed hours. Someone to help around the house and pick up the baby from the share for you. Once you have another child transition her into a full time. Teach your child Armenian if you want, you don't need an aupair for that. My sister lives in Switzerland and her kids speak French, English, and German. You have an aupair, be prepared for the drama. Just a sample on this site will horrify you.

We have a lovely nanny in a nanny share but are considering other options and I would love some input.

Our daughter is 9 months old and is in a nanny share with another girl who is 11 months old. We love the other family and the nanny. The nanny only does childcare; with two little ones to watch, I don't blame her, but I do need more help around the house especially with basic meal prep and tidying up (we have cleaners once a week and I wouldn't change that). We are thinking of having another in the next 1-2 years. My husband is French, and the nanny speaks French, so that helps, but I'm Armenian and would love to teach my daughter Armenian as well as French and English. We are considering an au pair, a live-in nanny who could also help with meals and tidying up, a combo of part-time nanny and daycare, or really anything that would make sense. As it is, I come home 90% of the time totally exhausted and find that dinner still needs to be made, or the living room is a disaster, etc. If we have another one, I need more help, but we're also on a limited budget so I don't have the luxury of just getting an extra housekeeper.

I hope this makes sense. Thanks for any thoughts.