My husband and I sometimes work from home. I don't think our existence at the house is that disruptive, as long as we are on the same page as the nanny. If they tell our kids to do something, and the kid comes running to us, we say "Did you put your plate on the counter next to the sink? Better go do that!"

Anonymous wrote:Breaks where you relieve her are certainly not required, but as a nanny, if I only get maybe 2 hours a day of naps where I don't have to be "on" and I spend most of that handling child-related chores like laundry, food prep, etc. and I have 45 minutes leftover to eat my lunch, then that is a time when I really need and value peace and quiet to mentally recharge.

But the real answer to all of your questions is COMMUNICATION! Instead of polling a bunch of anonymous nannies online and doing whatever we say, or polling a bunch of MBs and doing it whatever they tell you you are "entitled" to do, you need to look for an experienced, trustworthy nanny who has worked with at-home parents before and then communicate with her about what works for everyone.

Figure out your goals--to see DC daily? To participate in one big outing per week? To eat lunch together? What part of the day do you most want to be involved in?

Ask her about her goals and needs--like me, she may need some quiet down-time, or she may be an extrovert who enjoys a gab over lunch. What about her previous situations worked well or poorly?

Then build regular check-ins into the system so that you can evaluate what's working and what isn't. Maybe you wanted to join DC for lunch but nanny finds that he eats better when there's no special mommy time distracting him so you decide to tuck him in instead. Etc.

Think it through, LISTEN, and fine-tune as you go.

This is great advice.

Most of all - hire well. Interview and screen carefully for people who have successfully worked with WFHMs in the past, people who enjoy that kind of more collaborative relationship, people with whom you "click" and can work well. The trick here is really in the hiring first, and then everything else the poster above said.

Breaks where you relieve her are certainly not required, but as a nanny, if I only get maybe 2 hours a day of naps where I don't have to be "on" and I spend most of that handling child-related chores like laundry, food prep, etc. and I have 45 minutes leftover to eat my lunch, then that is a time when I really need and value peace and quiet to mentally recharge.

But the real answer to all of your questions is COMMUNICATION! Instead of polling a bunch of anonymous nannies online and doing whatever we say, or polling a bunch of MBs and doing it whatever they tell you you are "entitled" to do, you need to look for an experienced, trustworthy nanny who has worked with at-home parents before and then communicate with her about what works for everyone.

Figure out your goals--to see DC daily? To participate in one big outing per week? To eat lunch together? What part of the day do you most want to be involved in?

Ask her about her goals and needs--like me, she may need some quiet down-time, or she may be an extrovert who enjoys a gab over lunch. What about her previous situations worked well or poorly?

Then build regular check-ins into the system so that you can evaluate what's working and what isn't. Maybe you wanted to join DC for lunch but nanny finds that he eats better when there's no special mommy time distracting him so you decide to tuck him in instead. Etc.

Think it through, LISTEN, and fine-tune as you go.

I am a WAHM with a part time, very flexible schedule. I let the nanny plan the kids' days most of the time, but I might plan a special activity (we went to a play last week, for instance). If I do that, I always ask if she had anything planned, and plan it in advance.

I generally eat lunch with them every day, and I put the two youngest down for naps. They often play at home in the afternoons, so I'll be in the kitchen making dinner for the last 45 minutes or so of the day.

I do try to focus on work (work work or house work) while the nanny is here, so that I can be with the kids and my husband 100% when she's not here.

I'm sure your nanny would love some long breaks. My suggestion would be to schedule them in, and revisit as your child gets older and activities and naps change. If you have another child, too, the schedule will change.

My one hesitation would be that if you do have to work all day for some period, she may resent it if she's used to long breaks. Another option would be to hire someone for a shorter number of hours (30 instead of 40, say), and focus only on work while she's there.

This post is in line with the previous threat (Stay out of it WFHM!!!)... I am a single mom. I did all I could to stay with my child as long as possible (1 year), but now it's time for me to face reality and return to work full-time. I will be a WFHM and I need a nanny. I want to establish a successful relationship with my nanny from the start. The comments you (nannies) have made in previous threats have been quite enlightening. I reckon you need time alone to eat your lunch and that it will be upsetting to everyone (child included) if I interrupt or come in every time my son cries. However, I would like to take advantage of the flexibility that working from home provides and schedule one long visit with my kid (perhaps during nanny's lunch) or maybe a couple of shorter visits during the day. I can understand why a nanny would prefer a parent not involved and I feel your pain in some of the situations described in other posts; however, many bosses in an office environment are quite disruptive and annoying as well, yet we cannot make them disappear for the entire work day (unfortunately). I completely agree with respecting the nanny and letting her do her job, yet I also feel that an employer should be able to determine if he/she wants some level of interaction with the kid, even if it needs to be 'pre-arranged' at non-disruptive times.

Any nanny advice about ground rules that should be discussed from the start to establish a successful WFH employer-nanny relationship? Changing work status is not an option. Thanks.