I don't see the problem. Would you rather have three kids and the mom tearing your house apart or just one extra kid playing nicely with your daughter. PPs are right that two kids can be easier than one and it gives your daughter time to hone her social skills 1:1. I wouldn't be furious over this unless it turns into a full on nanny share. Having friends over is part of being a good nanny (or parent.)

If the mom has to pay someone, shouldn't she pay the OP?

If I were in your situation, I would hope that my nanny would be totally honest about whether it was a help or a hindrance to have the other child over for a playdate without a parent. And like you I would be furious with the other mother for not asking you before doing it. For that matter, my reaction would also be based on whether she had asked the nanny if it was ok and gotten a "Sure, no problem!" answer or not even asked just dropped her child off and disappeared.

If your nanny isn't bothered, then don't make a big fuss. As PPs have said, it can often be easier to watch 2 than just 1 at that age, especially when it's only for a playdate. Just make sure that your nanny feels comfortable saying no if it ever bothers her for any reason.

Anonymous wrote:If the girls like playing together maybe the Nanny doesnt want the other Mom there. I was a Nanny many moons ago ( now a Mom) and I hated it when i had a playdate and the Mom wanted to stay, I had to entertain the Mom then as well as the kid.
Unless your Nanny is unhappy with it I would let it go.
Your 3 yo is not a toddler and doesnt need your Nannys undivided attention every single second.

Agree. In fact, a helicopter nanny is usually a bad nanny.

Wow I wish you were my MB. My boss thinks I'm the free babysitting service for her friends.

Is this about concern for the nanny or about you not wanting the nanny to do anything other than focus on your child exclusively?

If you just don't want the nanny to ever have to split her attention between your kid and another kid, then it's fine to state that policy to the nanny.

If you are actually concerned about the nanny, though, you should trust her judgement unless you see a reason not to. I would much prefer a mom drop off one 3yo for an hour or two than bring 3 kids of different ages and stay. If she's a SAHM, I assume those are the options. 4 kids of different ages is a madhouse and I would have to try to entertain the mom and keep the siblings occupied so that my charge could enjoy her friend. If the mom just drops off the same-age friend, then they will be happy to work on a game or activity together while I can finally tackle whatever organizational/administrative project I've been meaning to get to. It's easier to havr two than one!

I don't like other's kids in my house everyday,one time a week it's ok,but 3 times ,too much!!

If the girls like playing together maybe the Nanny doesnt want the other Mom there. I was a Nanny many moons ago ( now a Mom) and I hated it when i had a playdate and the Mom wanted to stay, I had to entertain the Mom then as well as the kid.
Unless your Nanny is unhappy with it I would let it go.
Your 3 yo is not a toddler and doesnt need your Nannys undivided attention every single second.

A good play date is a good thing for most children, providing there's responsible supervision.

If the nanny wants it, the parents should be grateful, as most children are lacking in social skills. What's not to like?

I enjoy play dates. The kids are so excited for their friend to come over. It gives a nice break from the same ole same ole.

I think you need to pin down what bothers you feel that it is a problem because your child might get less attention and therefore nanny is not "earning her keep," then that is a very different issue then you simply thinking that the mom is taking advantage of your nanny.

From a nanny perspective:
If the mom is dropping off only her same age child, it is only for about an hour, and it is not something that's happening frequently/regularly, then your nanny may be very honest and telling you that it is not a problem. At that age it can be easier to care for two children then for one because when there are two, The friend serves as a fun activity so you don't have to entertain the child every minute. If the nanny has a choice between having play dates at their house with two other siblings or having play dates at your house with just the one other girl, it would be a no-brainer to tell the mom to go ahead and take the other siblings on an errand and leave the little girl to play with her charge.

Now, that said, if that mom is leaving three children with your nanny, then there is no way that is less work for her.

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I have mixed feelings about it. Our daughters really love playing together so I don't want to ruin that by being an asshole. But our nanny is 62 and chasing after one very active toddler is plenty for her. I worry it is unfair to our nanny and to us (we gladly pay a huge portion of our income for a nanny who can fully devote her attention to our daughter.

Then simply discuss it with the nanny to clarify how SHE feels about the situation.

OP here. I have mixed feelings about it. Our daughters really love playing together so I don't want to ruin that by being an asshole. But our nanny is 62 and chasing after one very active toddler is plenty for her. I worry it is unfair to our nanny and to us (we gladly pay a huge portion of our income for a nanny who can fully devote her attention to our daughter.

I'd quietly, but firmly tell that mother, "I hope you're compensating Nanny for taking care of Laria." Be ready to suggest a range, such as $10-15/hr.

If you think that arrangement is a bad thing for your own child, that's a different issue.

Our daughter is almost 3 and we have an amazing nanny who cares for her full time. One of our daughter's best friends lives a block away. We aren't good friends with the parents, but friendly in the way you have to be when two little kids are friends. The mother is a SAHN with 2 other kids. Usually our daughters have playdates when we are home on the weekends. But recently, the girl and her mom began coming to our house when the nanny is there. We are totally fine with that. What I am not fine with is that there have been three times when the mom has left for about an hour to do errands.

We were furious when we found out. Our nanny is so nice and said that she really doesn't mind. But it's starting to feel like this has become a free babysitting service. It's particularly annoying that neighbor didn't even ask us if that's alright. We chose not to be in a share for a reason.

Are we making too much of this?