Their child, their choices. When you have your own child, you can make those decisions for that child.

Anonymous wrote:I'd just keep pushing back against the stereotypes, in a totally matter-of-fact way, using a bright, cheerful, isn't-this-obvious kind of tone.

"Of course, boys can dance ballet! I love Mikhail Baryshnikov; he's probably one of the best dancers ever."

"Of course girls can wear blue! Sleeping Beauty had a beautiful blue dress. So did Elsa!"

"Of course boys can play with dolls!"

"Of course boys can wear pink!"

That's what I've been doing but I'm finding it increasingly harder. If it's just the kids and me then that's what I do anyway, but the mom recently complained she couldn't put the boy in bright red leggings the girl used to wear because the color is too bright and after being all 'oh surely it's okay, he's a baby and it's just a color' I had to excuse myself and go breathe in the other room.

We're probably not a good fit. The parents both made some dubious comments about refugees and people of color that didn't sit well with me, and their parenting philosophy is probably not exactly my own. But they treat me extremely well, the pay if great and they're relocating in a few months, I'm only part-time with them and I love the kids, so I'm thinking I can stick it out. I try to be out of the house as much as possible, so it's mostly fine. It's just that the last few days the mother seems a bit unhinged about gender stereotypes and I had an overdose of that and of her.

Anonymous wrote:What is your relationship to this family, OP? Are you a mother's helper? Or an occasional sitter? You mention the older child is in daycare and the mother doesn't work, but you seem to be around them during ballet class and rides home and dinner time? It sounds like they are mentioning gender constantly, but it's hard to tell without knowing how much of the day you're with them and in what capacity.

Your post doesn't make much sense without those details.

I am with them for about 20 hours a week. The mother is in and out most of the time. I am hired to speak a second language to the children but if not for that I would probably be closest to a mother's helper, I guess. She cooks and cleans, all I do is pick up after the kids and collect the oldest from morning daycare that she attends.

Anonymous wrote:I'd just keep pushing back against the stereotypes, in a totally matter-of-fact way, using a bright, cheerful, isn't-this-obvious kind of tone.

"Of course, boys can dance ballet! I love Mikhail Baryshnikov; he's probably one of the best dancers ever."

"Of course girls can wear blue! Sleeping Beauty had a beautiful blue dress. So did Elsa!"

"Of course boys can play with dolls!"

"Of course boys can wear pink!"

Aren't most male ballet dancers gay?

Parents are allowed to pass on whatever stereotypes they want to their kids, and you don't have the right to counteract it. When they get to school, they will see plenty of diversity.

On the other hand, you are obviously not a good fit for this family, and many nannies would not be good fits either. BTDT, I can work with a family of extremely conservative and gender-conscious parents, but it's hard for me to bite my tongue.

I'd just keep pushing back against the stereotypes, in a totally matter-of-fact way, using a bright, cheerful, isn't-this-obvious kind of tone.

"Of course, boys can dance ballet! I love Mikhail Baryshnikov; he's probably one of the best dancers ever."

"Of course girls can wear blue! Sleeping Beauty had a beautiful blue dress. So did Elsa!"

"Of course boys can play with dolls!"

"Of course boys can wear pink!"

That is so sad. Don't know that there is anything you can do. But really sad.

I find it annoying when a parent protests if their little boy wants to push my daughter's toy doll stroller at the park.
I always want to tell the ignorant parent, "Since when is baby-care only women's work.....??!"

Anonymous wrote:I had bosses like this once. The 2yo boy had a headband on one day that was his sisters and his Dad flipped out and made him take it off. Another time he told him to get him a book and he would read to him and the 2yo got a Madeline book, His Dad told him that was a girls book and to go get a boy book.....crazy

Funny thing is, years later when they kids grew up it was the daughter that turned out to be gay, She has had the same g/f for years now, since HS

It's not really a problem if the girl is gay though. So the son is still straight right?

What is your relationship to this family, OP? Are you a mother's helper? Or an occasional sitter? You mention the older child is in daycare and the mother doesn't work, but you seem to be around them during ballet class and rides home and dinner time? It sounds like they are mentioning gender constantly, but it's hard to tell without knowing how much of the day you're with them and in what capacity.

Your post doesn't make much sense without those details.

Do they know that traditionally red was a boy color and BLUE was a girl color? Look at Sleeping Beauty's dress.

I left a family like this, there were a lot of other problems but this was the first I noticed. The mom even threw a fit when I used blue hangers for the girls room when those were for the little boys room only apparently- never mind that I was out of pink hangers. They turned out to be huge bigots. They were weird about my black boyfriend from day one, so I should have known.

I had bosses like this once. The 2yo boy had a headband on one day that was his sisters and his Dad flipped out and made him take it off. Another time he told him to get him a book and he would read to him and the 2yo got a Madeline book, His Dad told him that was a girls book and to go get a boy book.....crazy

Funny thing is, years later when they kids grew up it was the daughter that turned out to be gay, She has had the same g/f for years now, since HS

OP again, sorry, ignore the pacifier sentence - I cut out another paragraph that was making the post too long and accidentally left that over.

I look after a 3yo girl and a 1yo boy. The parents keep enforcing and encouraging gender division. When I put a 'live strong' type of band on the boy's arm the dad was like 'oh isn't that a bit girly'. The girl attends ballet class and there's a boy attending - they laugh and wonder how strange it is and say they will never do that to their son. The girl was telling the mother and me about another boy at daycare who kept snatching the doll she was playing with and the mother told the girl to tell him that boys don't play with dolls, only girls do. The mother told her to laugh at the girl because she still has a pacifier like a baby. When the mother takes out cups and plates she often says 'and you get a red one because you're a girl, and your brother gets the blue because blue is for boys'. There's one million other examples.

It's just neverending sexist bullshit. The mother doesn't work so there is a lot of the time that she and I are with the kids together, so there's no way not to talk to her about this. I'm still yet to figure out if they're in the camp of 'wearing pink will make you gay' (and I'm gay so I'm almost looking forward to when they actually say this and I can say 'oh sorry, I didn't realise it was a problem for you') or if they're just very traditional in the dumbest sense.

All this said, they treat me incredibly well and think I'm the best thing since sliced bread. And it just makes my blood boil. I keep trying to teach the girl that there are no boy colors or girl colors and that there are lots of boys who love ballet or that she can be a truck driver, but I am no power against the parents.

I don't have a question, it's just more of a rant. But has anyone ever worked with people like that who are stuck in the previous century? Would you say anything, try to explain that hair is just hair and can be long on all genders? I usually say 'oh I think it's okay, there's loads of boys who pink' or whatever they're being stupid about, but I never get deep into it to make them think. Would you?