Anonymous
04/29/2016 10:27
Subject: Interview double standard
Anonymous wrote:The tv was on so that she could focus on the complicated personal matter of conducting an interview. As an employee, you should be conducting your complicated personal matters during off hours. There's really no conflict here.
+1. This all seems reasonable to me. What do you normally see preschool age children doing during an initial interview? Or are most parents okay with nannies watching tv with the kids?
Anonymous
04/29/2016 10:21
Subject: Re:Interview double standard
As a MB who just went through the interview process, in my house if you came in and the TV was on, it was because we rarely allow it and I know that it will turn my children into mostly silent little zombies while I can spend time actually speaking to you and getting to interview you without the distraction of 3 cute kids who get very excited to meet new people. Luckily we were able to get my parents to watch the kids while we were interviewing nannies, so this didn't occur, but I've used the TV to babysit when I've had to discuss issues with people (contractor, etc) and my kids would be a distraction. It doesn't happen often, but it's very effective when we need it.
Anonymous
04/29/2016 10:11
Subject: Interview double standard
As a nanny, I limit tv watching to almost zero. My child is in preschool and he's allowed to watch tv and I hate it. The reason being, when he's at home on the weekend he gets more screen time than I would like just because I'm busy cleaning and preparing us for the upcoming week. I assume the same goes for nanny families. They already feel guilty for how much screen time their kids get on weekends, why should they get a ton of screen time on weekdays as well? Just my two cents...
Anonymous
04/29/2016 09:40
Subject: Interview double standard
Some parents just don't want to do the hard work of parenting.
Anonymous
04/29/2016 09:30
Subject: Interview double standard
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Huge red flag OP!
The family is likely the type who feels that since you are on their dime, they want you to be the one who entertains the children...Something they do not want to do themselves sadly.
They probably use television to entertain the kids themselves.
Sure there are some nannies on this forum who believe it is the family's right since they are BOSS.
I strongly disagree.
I think both parents + nanny need to work together & be consistent w/the children's rules. That is what makes such a dynamic W-O-R-K.
Working as a team.
How confusing for the kids to be banned from the T.V. only when the nanny is there.
What kind of confusing message would that be sending to them.....??!
So you and your employers in force exactly the same set of rules 100% of the time? I doubt that that is the case. I am sure that there are lots of situations in which the way that you do things differs slightly from the way the families does things. Are those instances so confusing for the children that they cannot possibly function? Or do the children manage to realize early on that different adults have different rules and standards and adjust their behavior accordingly? In my experience it is the latter. I often have charges who will not behave for parents or for grandparents but who do behave for me or for the preschool teacher or for their aunt. I also have had charges who have different rules in different situations with different caregivers and the children learn how to code switch early on. They know what the rules are with different people and they don't push it. Unless the child has special needs and therefore needs more consistency in a neurotypical child would, there is no reason why they cannot figure out very quickly what is expected of them by whom and under what circumstances. Having to adapt to the environment and people around you is a part of life and there's no reason why kids can't learn that early on.
It has less to do with boss is being bossy and nannies being doormats and more to do with employers who are juggling a lot more than just childcare and nannies who can and should have lots of experience both entertaining and managing the behavior of small children. Would it be great if every parent I worked for was just as good at managing their children as I am? Sure, in theory, but if they were that great at parenting kids, why would they not choose to be a stay-at-home parent? And I don't particularly like working with SAHPs. So instead, I am brace the idea that everyone the child interacts with will bring their own expectations and ideas and that the children benefit from that diverse city. As long as the parents support me in the rules that I enforce during my time with them, it doesn't matter if they enforce something different during their time with them.
09.16 here. That's great for you. I've been on the other side of the fence, dealing with 4 kids who rebelled completely and ended up hating me because the parents refused to be truthful. I know how to wean kids away from vices, it's not like it's new to me. But you wouldn't expect kids to react well to going cold turkey on two or more vices which were all overindulged if done at the same time, would you?
Anonymous
04/29/2016 09:17
Subject: Interview double standard
Anonymous wrote:Huge red flag OP!
The family is likely the type who feels that since you are on their dime, they want you to be the one who entertains the children...Something they do not want to do themselves sadly.
They probably use television to entertain the kids themselves.
Sure there are some nannies on this forum who believe it is the family's right since they are BOSS.
I strongly disagree.
I think both parents + nanny need to work together & be consistent w/the children's rules. That is what makes such a dynamic W-O-R-K.
Working as a team.
How confusing for the kids to be banned from the T.V. only when the nanny is there.
What kind of confusing message would that be sending to them.....??!
So you and your employers in force exactly the same set of rules 100% of the time? I doubt that that is the case. I am sure that there are lots of situations in which the way that you do things differs slightly from the way the families does things. Are those instances so confusing for the children that they cannot possibly function? Or do the children manage to realize early on that different adults have different rules and standards and adjust their behavior accordingly? In my experience it is the latter. I often have charges who will not behave for parents or for grandparents but who do behave for me or for the preschool teacher or for their aunt. I also have had charges who have different rules in different situations with different caregivers and the children learn how to code switch early on. They know what the rules are with different people and they don't push it. Unless the child has special needs and therefore needs more consistency in a neurotypical child would, there is no reason why they cannot figure out very quickly what is expected of them by whom and under what circumstances. Having to adapt to the environment and people around you is a part of life and there's no reason why kids can't learn that early on.
It has less to do with boss is being bossy and nannies being doormats and more to do with employers who are juggling a lot more than just childcare and nannies who can and should have lots of experience both entertaining and managing the behavior of small children. Would it be great if every parent I worked for was just as good at managing their children as I am? Sure, in theory, but if they were that great at parenting kids, why would they not choose to be a stay-at-home parent? And I don't particularly like working with SAHPs. So instead, I am brace the idea that everyone the child interacts with will bring their own expectations and ideas and that the children benefit from that diverse city. As long as the parents support me in the rules that I enforce during my time with them, it doesn't matter if they enforce something different during their time with them.
Anonymous
04/29/2016 09:13
Subject: Interview double standard
Anonymous wrote:Huge red flag OP!
The family is likely the type who feels that since you are on their dime, they want you to be the one who entertains the children...Something they do not want to do themselves sadly.
They probably use television to entertain the kids themselves.
Sure there are some nannies on this forum who believe it is the family's right since they are BOSS.
I strongly disagree.
I think both parents + nanny need to work together & be consistent w/the children's rules. That is what makes such a dynamic W-O-R-K.
Working as a team.
How confusing for the kids to be banned from the T.V. only when the nanny is there.
What kind of confusing message would that be sending to them.....??!
I was with you until the end. I am not sure how this would be confusing to most kids.
Anonymous
04/29/2016 09:11
Subject: Re:Interview double standard
My kids are allowed to watch tv during the week for 1/2 hour before bed and a couple of hours on the weekends. I would say this is pretty common, and it doesn't conflict with either a) turning on the tv during a weekend interview or b) it shouldn't be on during my nanny's hours.
Why didn't you just ask the parents what their policy on tv watching is right now, and if this was going to be a change for them to not watch tv during the day.
Why didn't you just ask the parents what their policy on tv watching is right now, and if this was going to be a change for them to not watch tv during the day.
Anonymous
04/29/2016 08:22
Subject: Interview double standard
Just so you know OP.
Parents can do things with their kids that nannies won't or can't do.
Like extra treats, buying toys, TV time.
Cheers!
Parents can do things with their kids that nannies won't or can't do.
Like extra treats, buying toys, TV time.
Cheers!
Anonymous
04/29/2016 05:55
Subject: Interview double standard
Huge red flag OP!
The family is likely the type who feels that since you are on their dime, they want you to be the one who entertains the children...Something they do not want to do themselves sadly.
They probably use television to entertain the kids themselves.
Sure there are some nannies on this forum who believe it is the family's right since they are BOSS.
I strongly disagree.
I think both parents + nanny need to work together & be consistent w/the children's rules. That is what makes such a dynamic W-O-R-K.
Working as a team.
How confusing for the kids to be banned from the T.V. only when the nanny is there.
What kind of confusing message would that be sending to them.....??!
The family is likely the type who feels that since you are on their dime, they want you to be the one who entertains the children...Something they do not want to do themselves sadly.
They probably use television to entertain the kids themselves.
Sure there are some nannies on this forum who believe it is the family's right since they are BOSS.
I strongly disagree.
I think both parents + nanny need to work together & be consistent w/the children's rules. That is what makes such a dynamic W-O-R-K.
Working as a team.
How confusing for the kids to be banned from the T.V. only when the nanny is there.
What kind of confusing message would that be sending to them.....??!
Anonymous
04/28/2016 09:16
Subject: Interview double standard
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:The tv was on so that she could focus on the complicated personal matter of conducting an interview. As an employee, you should be conducting your complicated personal matters during off hours. There's really no conflict here.
I'm sure she turned it right off the split second OP walked out the door.
If she left it on all weekend, it's still not hypocritical because she was either a) doing productive things for her family or b) relaxing after having worked all week to support her family.
Nannies are getting paid to be there. If you are a 24 hour nanny who also cooks and does housekeeping and housemanagement then MAYBE you could argue that it's unfair, but how many jobs like that are there, really? Mostly it's just families who know that tv can be harmful unless it's used in moderation and they want to reserve that "treat" for their time with the kids rather than the nanny who is being paid to engage the children. If you as a nanny want a 100% tv-free household, then you should look for a family who practices that, but don't badmouth families who expect you to be better and managing kids without the crutch of tv than the parents.
Parents: if your nanny isn't better at most things than a first-time parent, then you need a new nanny.
I'm just a nanny who prefers to know how the kids are going to act, and for that, I need the parents to be truthful. Sorry, but I've walked into a trial period for which I was told no processed food, no added sugar, firm boundaries and no television. As I (quickly) found out, the parent was told by the pediatrician to change the diet asap, so they figured the nanny could be the bad guy for everything. Of course nannies aren't going to agree to walk in and take it all away from a child who has been eating only processed junk with lots of sugar, had no boundaries and watched television all day.
Sorry, OP, but I would see it as a good thing that it was on. I can deal with any amount of things I don't like, but I need to know what the kids are used to doing before I have a mutiny on my hands.
Anonymous
04/28/2016 06:47
Subject: Interview double standard
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:The tv was on so that she could focus on the complicated personal matter of conducting an interview. As an employee, you should be conducting your complicated personal matters during off hours. There's really no conflict here.
I'm sure she turned it right off the split second OP walked out the door.
If she left it on all weekend, it's still not hypocritical because she was either a) doing productive things for her family or b) relaxing after having worked all week to support her family.
Nannies are getting paid to be there. If you are a 24 hour nanny who also cooks and does housekeeping and housemanagement then MAYBE you could argue that it's unfair, but how many jobs like that are there, really? Mostly it's just families who know that tv can be harmful unless it's used in moderation and they want to reserve that "treat" for their time with the kids rather than the nanny who is being paid to engage the children. If you as a nanny want a 100% tv-free household, then you should look for a family who practices that, but don't badmouth families who expect you to be better and managing kids without the crutch of tv than the parents.
Parents: if your nanny isn't better at most things than a first-time parent, then you need a new nanny.
Anonymous
04/28/2016 06:25
Subject: Interview double standard
Anonymous wrote:The tv was on so that she could focus on the complicated personal matter of conducting an interview. As an employee, you should be conducting your complicated personal matters during off hours. There's really no conflict here.
I'm sure she turned it right off the split second OP walked out the door.
Anonymous
04/28/2016 02:33
Subject: Interview double standard
The tv was on so that she could focus on the complicated personal matter of conducting an interview. As an employee, you should be conducting your complicated personal matters during off hours. There's really no conflict here.
Anonymous
04/28/2016 00:43
Subject: Interview double standard
No TV on when the kids are awake...yet the TV is on during the whole interview and the kids were awake. Hypocritical much?