Anonymous wrote:Kids are in school and your job is to manage the house. Stop complaining. And, it makes no sense you toast a bagel for lunch. Yuck. You have how many hours when the kids are in school to clean up... where is the problem?

The problem is that OPs job or any nanny/house manager/housekeeper's job can't be an umbrella for any task you decide you no longer want to do while she works for you. Are you seriously saying it's okay for this family to leave food and trash around, and not wash a single dish over the weekend, simply because OP agreed to do some light housekeeping? Sorry, but people who are comfortable leaving their house in this state probably aren't too worried about the quality of food they're eating for lunch, so long as they don't have to pack it or clean it up.

Kids are in school and your job is to manage the house. Stop complaining. And, it makes no sense you toast a bagel for lunch. Yuck. You have how many hours when the kids are in school to clean up... where is the problem?

Anonymous wrote:I'm not saying that the family you work for aren't slobs, and that the kids aren't spoiled. But your contract does say "tidy kitchen." Perhaps you could have a constructive discussion with the MB and note that "tidy kitchen" does not mean "clean up after 2 weekend days worth of meals."

OP here.
This is from the contract we have:
"Morning - Prepare breakfast and give vitamins, prepare and pack lunch, get kids on bus, empty dishwasher, tidy kitchen, make sure kids' beds are made and their bathroom is neat (they should do this themselves most of the time.)"

OP here.
You're right. This contract needs to be updated. Although she clearly doesn't see anything wrong with leaving me excessive messes to clean up.

I spent all afternoon on Friday organizing their pantry, because they just throw stuff in. Nothing has a home in there, nothing gets put on the shelf. Things just get thrown wherever. I can never find snacks for the kids, so once a while I organize it and put all kids related stuff (or most) on one shelf. Unfortunately, a few days later it's covered with things that got thrown there because they didn't fit anywhere else. And if kids' snacks got taken out, the remains will be found.. well, anywhere. Go fish. :/
I also had 3 bags of unpacked groceries this morning.
And there is dog poop in the basement. I wonder how long it's going to be there before they clean up. A week? Two?

I started applying for jobs this morning and I already got one interview set up for tonight and another one possibly later this week.
I think it's time for me to move on.
I will miss the kids

I'm not saying that the family you work for aren't slobs, and that the kids aren't spoiled. But your contract does say "tidy kitchen." Perhaps you could have a constructive discussion with the MB and note that "tidy kitchen" does not mean "clean up after 2 weekend days worth of meals."

Anonymous wrote:So, were you HIRED to do things like handling the dishwasher, cooking breakfast, etc...?

That perhaps sheds a slightly different light on the parents' point of view.

OP here.
This is from the contract we have:
"Morning - Prepare breakfast and give vitamins, prepare and pack lunch, get kids on bus, empty dishwasher, tidy kitchen, make sure kids' beds are made and their bathroom is neat (they should do this themselves most of the time.)"

So at the beginning I would do all those things and then about 1.5 year into my job the younger one wanted to make ("invent") her own smoothie or experiment with different foods, so I let her. Since then, once or twice a week she will make her own breakfast. It's also related to her constant stomach aches or "not feeling well" - I let her decide what she wants when she comes downstairs and just get it. Other times I make eggs (with mushrooms, spinach and onions - my recipe and her favorite), oatmeal, grits, hash browns, etc.
The older one will usually get something from the fridge or cereal.
He loves when I make something for him in the morning, so I do it a few times a week. They both have multiple allergies, so it's a little challenging, but I think it's going well.

Anyway, I don't mind cooking for the kids, that was never an issue.
I also don't mind unloading the dishwasher.
It just got so out of control with all the crap everywhere, it was hard for me to do my job.
I start at 7 and the teen leaves at 7:30. So I have half an hour. Under normal circumstances, this is what my morning looks like: I come in, let the dogs outside in the yard, wash hands, put a bagel in the toaster for teen's lunch, start making lunches - some of the things I put in both lunch boxes, like grapes, apple sauce or whatever, so I have them both open at the same time. Teen comes downstairs and gets french toast from the fridge or cereal, unless I already put a waffle in the toaster oven, etc. Sometimes I'm making croissants and I'm finishing them to put in the oven for 15 min while he gets his cereal... I finish making lunches, take dishes out of the dishwasher and put them away, remind the teen to put his dishes in when he is done, I go upstairs and get their laundry and start the washer. He leaves, I go wake up the younger child unless mom is still home getting ready, then they both come downstairs. If I'm done with everything, I might cut some onions, green onions, mushrooms, spinach and sautee them and make scrambled eggs. Or I will make oatmeal with apples, peaches and cinnamon. While the younger child eats, I clean up the dishes I used to make her breakfast and wipe all the counters.
I let the dogs out again and switch the dishes in the dryer so they are ready in the afternoon. I do laundry every day, because they need the same outfit for their after school activity.
Then we go outside and wait for the bus.
I'm sorry for all the details. There is more, like some things here and there that didn't get put away, etc.
It's pretty hectic in the morning, but I don't mind the cooking and unloading the dishwasher.
It's when the house is a complete disaster (how do they even have time to make that much mess every night? I honestly couldn't do it if I tried.)
It stresses me out, because when I come in, instead of focusing on what I'm there to do, I need to worry about the huge mess that got made the night before. And I can't even pick something up and move it on top of something else, because there is already stuff on top of everything. Every surface in the kitchen is covered with layers of crap.
So that conversation we had a few weeks ago was supposed to bring everyone back on track. Even my boss said to me that day "I realize I have work to do" and "from your experience - what worked for other families?"
I told her about the chore list and consequences.
We agreed that the kitchen should be cleaned up after dinner before they go to bed, so I don't have to scrub hot sauce or pasta off the table in the morning.
The kids got clear lists of chores and clear consequence if they don't do their work.
One of them was for younger child to practice music - she has a calendar from school with a number of minutes she needs to practice every week. She has until Saturday every week and if she doesn't do it, she loses her phone for a day. So she didn't practice and I asked my boss if she took her phone away, she said she didn't. Reason? "I didn't think about it."
And those dishes. I told her I didn't mind unloading one round as I always do, but it wasn't fair to leave all the dishes from the weekend for me.

So, were you HIRED to do things like handling the dishwasher, cooking breakfast, etc...?

That perhaps sheds a slightly different light on the parents' point of view.

Anonymous wrote:Why do they need a nanny for a teen and preteen?

OP here.
Thank you guys for your responses.

As far as the question above - it's mostly for driving to after school activities, cooking dinner for the kids, supervise homework, etc.
I make lunches in the morning and sometimes breakfast. I don't make breakfast every day, but sometimes I make eggs, hash browns, croissants, etc. Other days they will heat up/toast whatever they want from the fridge/freezer.
Also I empty the dishwasher and start laundry/put in the dryer before I leave. When I come back in the afternoon, I fold the clothes and put on top of the dryer for the kids to take upstairs and put away.
The younger child gets sick a lot and on those days I stay home with her (I'm paid extra for that)

And as one of the previous poster said above, the kids were not raised to clean up after themselves.

Anonymous wrote:Why do they need a nanny for a teen and preteen?

Because their teen and preteen are lazy and helpless.

Why do they need a nanny for a teen and preteen?

I think this mother should and could learn a thing or two from you.

It is obvious to me that she isn't willing to make the necessary changes and stay consistent with chores.

Her children will most likely grow up feeling very privileged and this does not bode well at all for anyone.

Sorry OP. In my experience messy people don't see their filth as a big deal, and don't see a big deal in having someone else clean it up. The fact that she said you've done it before shows that she thinks it's something you should continue to do. You have to decide whether you want to continue doing it, and how much it will cost them. I like the idea of the itemized cleaning list of tasks you're willing to do and for how much.

If you don't want to continue cleaning, start looking for a new job. Maybe keep cleaning for now to give you some time to search. At your next job, do not start doing things that aren't your job. You can see what ends up happening, and why nannies are "petty" over breakfast dishes. It quickly becomes all the dishes, the entire kitchen, then the whole house.

I've also began to make sure I see the home I'll be working in a few times before I start work. At the interview, I stop by one evening to fill out paperwork, and possibly over a weekend. Get a feel for the usual state of things and see if it's one that works for you.

I like the idea of charging an extra cleaning fee. But itemize it, so they can't just start adding stuff.

Ugh.

I'm a mother and I'd never allow that in my house, or from any member of my family. The dishwasher thing would be one thing if it were a very occasional thing, but as you've described it it's symbolic of a much bigger problem that sounds like a nightmare to work within.

I'm sorry.

Honestly, I think you should look for another job. I can't imagine these people will change their core attitude, and they are just teaching their children the same things.

A long time ago I would have started walking out the door when there's a shit show in the house and say I'll be back when you're ready for me because you clearly aren't now. Or is start charging $50 every time I do that clean up.

Let me give you a little background.
I've been with this family for almost 2.5 years.
They were always messy, but it was never my job to clean the house. My responsibilities were to do kids' laundry, unload the dishwasher and keep the kitchen clean.
Some things happened a few weeks ago and I had a serious conversation with my boss about kids' responsibilities, meaning that they didn't have any (one early teen and one pre-teen), no consequences when they don't do their work, being on the phones all the time, 2 year old dog that wasn't housebroken (yes, I posted here before about it), kitchen mess to great me in the morning nearly every day - to the point that there was no space in the entire kitchen to put a cup of coffee. I mean no space on countertops, kitchen island, table, etc. I would leave it clean at the end of the day and come in the morning to piles of stuff - mail (that never gets open, just piles up and gets moved around, at this point there is a few months of mail around the house, mainly kitchen), last night's food or whatever spices they used, random things that the kids left there, etc.
So we had a conversation a few weeks ago and we came up with a list (I came up with it and typed it, my boss approved) and we sat down with the kids and talked to them.
It was agreed that the kids would be responsible for cleaning their messes - emptying lunch boxes, cleaning up after dinner, walking/feeding dogs, etc.
The kitchen counters were to be wiped after dinner before going to bed.

It was going well for a few weeks.
Today when I got to work, there was a huge pile of dishes in the sink. The dishwasher was full of clean dishes.
It was clear they didn't do dishes all weekend and only ran the dishwasher once last night with whatever fit there.
The teen was downstairs and so was my boss. The teen acts like a baby sometimes - saying things in a changed voice and just goofing around. So he was doing that instead of eating and I told him to unload the dishwasher if he's not going to eat. He said ok and walked towards it, but my boss stopped him and said he didn't have to do it, that was not all his dishes, etc. I said I would ask the other child to load the dishes and then I would unload the sec on load later when I came in. She still said it she didn't want him to do it, because there was not enough time in the morning, etc.
She got ready for work, called me from the car and said she didn't know what the big deal was and that I have done it before.
I said that I didn't mind helping with the dishwasher, however it wasn't fair for them to leave me a huge pile of dishes in the sink after the weekend. I said I never do that to them and every time I leave, the dishwasher is empty.
Since she didn't let her teen unload the dishwasher in the morning, I said I would unload it, then the other child would load the dishes and the teen would unload the second round after school. She said it was fine this time (what does that even mean?)
Anyway, the pre-teen loaded the dishwasher and started it, because it was a full load.

The whole conversation was a little uncomfortable and I think I might lose my job over it.
And when she said I've done it before - yes, I've done it in the past sometimes. But I honestly don't remember when they left me that much. It was always a few dishes that were used after the dishwasher was running, or an occasional pot or pan.

I love them all, but I don't think I can put up with this anymore.
Thanks for reading. I know some of you can relate.
Sigh.