Anonymous wrote:OP -- I think it will be way more awkward not to mention you know. I assume she had her wedding all set when she took the job (fits w/ knowing about the vacation in advance) and was afraid you'd think she'd quit post-wedding if she mentioned it. Then it became too awkward to bring up after she'd been with you awhile. She may even be dreading the awkwardness of her return and/or wondering if you saw the announcement in the paper.

If I were you, I would greet her when she returns from vacation with a "congratulations, I saw in the paper...!" and a small gift. Make it clear you're happy for her and not offended or worried; I bet that will make things way less awkward for everyone going forward.

Yes, regardless of her reason just mention that you know, and if you feel it's necessary/would be nice, give her a small gift and your congratulations.

Anonymous wrote:OP -- I think it will be way more awkward not to mention you know. I assume she had her wedding all set when she took the job (fits w/ knowing about the vacation in advance) and was afraid you'd think she'd quit post-wedding if she mentioned it. Then it became too awkward to bring up after she'd been with you awhile. She may even be dreading the awkwardness of her return and/or wondering if you saw the announcement in the paper.

If I were you, I would greet her when she returns from vacation with a "congratulations, I saw in the paper...!" and a small gift. Make it clear you're happy for her and not offended or worried; I bet that will make things way less awkward for everyone going forward.

+1

OP -- I think it will be way more awkward not to mention you know. I assume she had her wedding all set when she took the job (fits w/ knowing about the vacation in advance) and was afraid you'd think she'd quit post-wedding if she mentioned it. Then it became too awkward to bring up after she'd been with you awhile. She may even be dreading the awkwardness of her return and/or wondering if you saw the announcement in the paper.

If I were you, I would greet her when she returns from vacation with a "congratulations, I saw in the paper...!" and a small gift. Make it clear you're happy for her and not offended or worried; I bet that will make things way less awkward for everyone going forward.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is none of your effing business, Mrs. Snoop. Your only concern with her is that she does the job she was hired to do. Her personal life is off limits so mind your own business, not hers.

In the future, her nanny should remember that if she doesn't want her employer to know something about her personal life, then she shouldn't put an announcement about it in the paper.

She can do whatever she pleases but she does not have to tell OP what she does in her personal life. All OP needs to be concerned with is that the She does her job. Her marital status is none of her business. Furthermore, unless the nanny tells her that she got married, OP should not ask her.

Nannies are employees. They are not your personal slaves who need your permission to marry.

Hi there, Im the OP. I actually agree with you but I don't really understand the anger of your post. I mentioned nothing about her needing permission lol. Good grief. Hope you enjoy your evening.

Im the person that started the thread and I sincerely thank you all for reading all of that and for your responses. I feel better now because even though it may have seemed like I wanted to pry, that wasnt the case. This is our first nanny. I do ask her about her personal life but only as far as things like "Its going to be beautiful out this weekend, do you have any plans to take advantage of it?" And even that is only after Ive been rambling a second about what the kids are doing. Or if she has asked me about my weekend. Ive never wanted her to feel like she is just some robot or employee that doesn't have a life and hobbies etc. She has never really been standoffish or struck me as overly private. I respect her boundaries just wasnt sure If I should bring it up or feel silly pretending to not know. My family is quite introverted so I get it lol. I think I will just keep it to myself and if she tells us I will definitely get her something nice. After all won't she need to change her filing status?

anywhoo I appreciate the input and different perspectives!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is none of your effing business, Mrs. Snoop. Your only concern with her is that she does the job she was hired to do. Her personal life is off limits so mind your own business, not hers.

In the future, her nanny should remember that if she doesn't want her employer to know something about her personal life, then she shouldn't put an announcement about it in the paper.

She can do whatever she pleases but she does not have to tell OP what she does in her personal life. All OP needs to be concerned with is that the She does her job. Her marital status is none of her business. Furthermore, unless the nanny tells her that she got married, OP should not ask her.

Nannies are employees. They are not your personal slaves who need your permission to marry.

Anonymous wrote:It is none of your effing business, Mrs. Snoop. Your only concern with her is that she does the job she was hired to do. Her personal life is off limits so mind your own business, not hers.

In the future, her nanny should remember that if she doesn't want her employer to know something about her personal life, then she shouldn't put an announcement about it in the paper.

It is none of your effing business, Mrs. Snoop. Your only concern with her is that she does the job she was hired to do. Her personal life is off limits so mind your own business, not hers.

She is trying to be professional. Her getting married should not effect your family so why tell you ?

Some people are very private. I would google their name for their registry and send them something though that or get a nice gift or gift card.

MB here. I think she is keeping definite high boundaries up - either because she is private in nature, or perhaps she's been burned before with blurred boundaries, or because maybe they were having a very small wedding, or maybe she wasn't sure exactly when it would be happening, or she was worried about concerns it might raise for you when she's new to the position, or....

Whatever her reasons, she is certainly entitled to her privacy.

I agree w/ the pp who said you can say that you saw the announcement and congratulate her. Perhaps say that you hope it was a wonderful day for her and wish her all the best.

If she's receptive and you want to do so, you could give her a wedding present. But if she seems not to encourage any discussion of it then just respect her privacy.

I suspect she was worried it would hurt her when you hired her because you would wonder if the wedding planning would distract her or if she was going to get pregnant right after the wedding, and then not give her the job.

Then, as time went on, it probably seemed weird to bring it up.

Some people prefer to keep their private lives separate from their professional lives.

And it has little bearing on her feelings toward you.

To expect to attend may be a bit overkill.

What you could do is let her know you saw the announcement and offer her your congratulations.
If she seems okay w/it then you can give her a wedding gift.

Good luck!

Everyone is different. I'd let her tell you if she wants to. Leave it at that.

Hi you all. I don't know how this sounds or how I may even sound I certainly don't want to come across as some crazy mb lol. But I've been itching to get on here all day to pick some brains about this because my husband seems to not think anything of it. I've never used this part of the site so please be nice! J/k. This morning it was in the paper that my nanny had married her long term boyfriend/fiancé Saturday evening. She has been with us now going on 8 months though we love her so much and we're so comfortable that it seems like longer. But I definitely understand it's a professional relationship and I have no right to know her personal life issues and such but I would think something like this would merit mentioning. She is off this week for her vacation and now I see it's her honeymoon. She did know about this vacation well in advance and even mentioned it when we drew up the work agreement.

I guess I just wanted to get this out to others that may give me some insight. But now I wonder if I'm too intrusive and may be bugging her when I try to show interest in her life. What do you all think of this? I would have loved to give her something special or even to attend. Should I act like I don't know? Is getting married something personal now? It crossed my mind that maybe she didn't want me to worry about pregnancy etc but that's not something I would concern myself with, she's great and I'm sure we could get through it. Could she really not even like our family and view this as a regular old job? Which would be her prerogative if that's how she gets through the day.

What say you all? Thanks in advance. And she knows I read the paper but should I keep mum?


And by the way yes she has had a ring on a few times but said it was a commitment ring and she didn't even wear it often and sometimes it would be on the right hand.