Anonymous wrote:Yes, you are overthinking.

But it might be that they do actually value some things that seem unimportant to you, and don't value as much some things that seem more important to you (like the food from scratch issue).

But presumably they are first time parents right? And they have twins?

Then as a twin mom I can assure that the most important things they need are the flexibility they talk about, and reliability.

So take them at their word, continue to build a good working relationship with them, and try not to overthink.

Thanks. This is helpful.

Criticisms are in the vein of things like asking me to fold clothes differently, asking me to label any time I move thing from one drawer to another (e.g., had to move blankets to the bottom dresser drawer to make room when rotating in larger clothes). I (almost) never make the same mistake twice, but in general they seem to be very specific and want things according to their system and I feel like I am not always on top of details the way the parents are. I work 45 hours a week and make $20 per hour.

Yes, you are overthinking.

But it might be that they do actually value some things that seem unimportant to you, and don't value as much some things that seem more important to you (like the food from scratch issue).

But presumably they are first time parents right? And they have twins?

Then as a twin mom I can assure that the most important things they need are the flexibility they talk about, and reliability.

So take them at their word, continue to build a good working relationship with them, and try not to overthink.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Example of constructive criticism?

Why not acknowledge and address the self-esteem issues?

NP. If we know what they're saying, we can look at it and tell OP whether it's nitpicking or more than that. I would also like to know how often they give the same comments, because if they've said the same things more than twice, then they are more likely to feel that they aren't a good fit overall.

Anonymous wrote:Example of constructive criticism?

Why not acknowledge and address the self-esteem issues?

Example of constructive criticism?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You have become a for them. What's not to love? I hope you have no high expectations of bonuses or salary increases other than minimal.

You ha v e become a door mat them...

I have to agree. OP sounds to me like a doormat with low self-esteem. Have you thought about doing counseling to explore that?

I don't imagine they pay you that well for your highly valuable work. Twin babies are a ton of work. How many hours do you do weekly?

Anonymous wrote:You have become a for them. What's not to love? I hope you have no high expectations of bonuses or salary increases other than minimal.

You ha v e become a door mat them...

You have become a for them. What's not to love? I hope you have no high expectations of bonuses or salary increases other than minimal.

I really haven't been asking for reassurance. We had one conversation (at the end of my trial period) where I addressed some of the things that seemed to be issues, and they assured me that those didn't matter because they really like me and can tell I love the kids, but they also have "constructive criticism"-type notes a few times a week, and these notes seem to all be in areas they stated durinf the interview proccess were important to them. But it sounds like I need to just wait it out and see where we land 6 months from now.

Right now, the thing they value most is flexibility. And probably sleep. They literally cannot care about whether the sweet potatoes were hand mashed or spooned out of a jar.

If they really do have more time in 6 months, you may find that their priorities better align with yours.

They sound like drowning people to me. Keep being a rock they can rely on, and stop asking them about how you do your job. They appreciate the hell out of you. I promise.

Jesus, I can just see this conversation. "You tell me you appreciate me and you thank me for all I do, but I don't FEEL like I'm doing what you want. What can I do better? What is wrong? I feel like you're unhappy with me even though you tell me you are". It's seriously such an overreaction that it will turn them off. Why don't you believe them when they say they are appreciative? Stop looking into things to be worried about and work on your self esteem.

People like you turn people off so quickly and you really need to change your behavior if you hope to be in a long term nanny relationship with a good family.

You're way overthinking this, to the point that you will actually cause damage. Constantly needing reassuring and then not believing it is exhausting on other people. Constantly thinking that you're not good enough will cause you to read into every little thing. "OMG MB didn't seem as pleased as usual with something I said. Something must be wrong" is going to bite you in the butt.

The family says they appreciate you, they act like they appreciate you, leave it alone. Perhaps work on your self esteem or whatever it is that has gotten you to be a neurotic overthinker.

Why don't you figure out their second and third priorities and make sure you're meeting those too?

Yes. Overthinking.

I am a nanny to six-month-old twins. From the time that the babies were born, both parents have had a lot going on at their respective jobs, more according to them than is usual. They expect the ups and downs, extra projects, and work travel for both jobs to wrap up sometime around next summer or early fall. The family is very kind, respectful, and appreciative, and the kids are sweet. I would love to work for them for many years. The issue that I have, is that a big part of me constantly feels that I am not quite meeting their expectations. I have asked them about this head on, and pointed out times when they seemed disappointed or annoyed with the way that I handled something or times when the way I communicated was apparently unclear. Every time I broach the subject, they reassure me that they are happy to have me and appreciate how much I love their kids, but I am never really reassured by this.

I sort of suspect that we are not really on the same page about a lot of things, and a lot of the stuff that they express appreciation over is things that I can tell they think are nice, but are not really priorities for them (e.g., they think that it is nice that I make all of the babies' food from scratch, but that's not necessarily important for them and if instead I fed them out of a jar, the parents would be just fine with that). I feel like the biggest thing that I am good at that they actually value is simply the fact that I am very flexible and have adapted to schedule changes as each of them deal with crises at work. I guess my feeling is, that if the thing they value most about me is my flexibility, but they will no longer actually need very much flexibility six months from now, and we don't appear to be a great fit in other ways, then eventually they will care less about the flexibility and more about the other ways in which we are not an ideal match. I am not sure how or whether to really address this, and I also wonder if I am just overthinking the whole thing and need to chill out. Has anyone been in a situation like this?