OP here.. thanks to the people who understood where I was coming from! It's not that I want to give the new baby up for adoption, it's just that I may need an extra set of hands with 3 young children. I definitely don't want to change my job, but to consider bunking up and making do in a small space for the time being, and not having a commute, is a good idea.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Give the baby up for adoption.
You're not the first person to have 3 children and a husband that works. If you really need a nanny round the clock then you shouldn't have children. I can see having a nanny while you work and possibly every other Saturday

holy crap, seriously, in the nanny forum people say this?!!! shouldn't you WANT people to enlist round the clock help and create more jobs?

Look, I love spending one on one time with my kids. Bedtime with a newborn + an older child basically takes the QT away from the older child. Hiring a nanny would allow me to do stories with my daughter while the nanny took care of the baby. Then I could go nurse the baby, and have a nice calmer time for everyone. This is what my DH and I do. OP should not "give the baby up for adoption" because she wants something similar. And yeesh, if she can afford it, why the hell not?!

There's no way that was a nanny responding, at least I hope not, PP!

Anonymous wrote:Give the baby up for adoption.
You're not the first person to have 3 children and a husband that works. If you really need a nanny round the clock then you shouldn't have children. I can see having a nanny while you work and possibly every other Saturday

holy crap, seriously, in the nanny forum people say this?!!! shouldn't you WANT people to enlist round the clock help and create more jobs?

Look, I love spending one on one time with my kids. Bedtime with a newborn + an older child basically takes the QT away from the older child. Hiring a nanny would allow me to do stories with my daughter while the nanny took care of the baby. Then I could go nurse the baby, and have a nice calmer time for everyone. This is what my DH and I do. OP should not "give the baby up for adoption" because she wants something similar. And yeesh, if she can afford it, why the hell not?!

One of your best choices may be to put the 4 year old in preschool half or full days, have the nanny take the toddler to activities, park, etc. while you are on maternity leave, and then the nanny will be with the two younger children during the day after you go back to work. The nanny will be available for all three children when the oldest doesn't have school. Another good choice would be a 24/5 or 24/7 nanny.

You really need to think about whether you want 24 hour care. A 24 hour nanny is more of a parent than a nanny to the child, so the transition to a new nanny or away from nanny care can be very, very wrenching, similar to the trauma caused by divorce or a parent's death. With that said, there are nannies who are happy to become the parent's partner to raise the children, love and teach them, and it can be wonderful with the right nanny for your family.

An AP can only work 45 hours per week, must have one weekend off per week, and can only work 10 hours per day. So the best that you could probably do with an AP would be to have a weekday nanny from 7.30am-5.30pm, AP M-Th 5.30pm-3.30am, and all but one Friday from 5.30pm-10.30pm. You would have full responsibility from 3.30-7.30am Tu-Fri, and from Fri 10.30pm to 7.30am Monday morning. Be sure, because the AP must be IQ and will be sleeping during the latter part of her shift, getting up with the baby but otherwise sleeping. An alternative schedule would be AP M-F 5am- 2pm and nanny M-F 2pm-10pm. That would leave you to handle 10pm-5am by yourself. Weekend nannies rarely may be willing to work 12-16 hours, so you could feasibly have someone work weekends 6am-10pm, again leaving you with just nights..

AP stipend is $200 per week, regardless of hours. An AP can't be asked to do housework not directly benefiting the children.
The nanny would be likely to ask $18-20+ if live-out. Most nannies won't do housework unless it is directly related to the care of the children, but if they do agree to do more, you will also pay more.
Some live-in nannies will discount their rates if they are working typical work hours and live-in the whole week (and weekend), but not drastically, as they are still giving up privacy. Live-in nannies are not on call during off hours unless they agree to it, and it usually involves more pay or benefits. If you had a live-in, she might be willing to accept $15 per hour for both younger children, and responsibility for the eldest when not in school.
A 24/5 or 24/7 nanny will not do housework, but you wouldn't have an issue with one caregiver passing the kids to another caregiver and possibly missing something important.
Live-out nannies must be paid overtime for 40+ hours. Live-in nannies must be paid overtime in MD, but not in VA. Some live-in nannies will negotiate salary, as the boundaries blur much easier than they do with a live-out nanny.

Running the numbers, minimum would be $1k per week, and that's most likely if you do a live-in nanny and cover nights and weekends yourself. For 24/5 or 24/7, minimum would probably be $1.2K, given that there are three children.
Minimum for any of these options will be $920 per week, but that doesn't factor in the agency fees.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is my advice as an MB and mother of four kids close in age and a husband who works long hours: find a new job. One that is closer to where you live and possibly part time (maybe 80%). You might not like it as much, but your job isn't going to be the focus of your life for the next few years anyway. If I were you, I would put my energy into a job search rather than a nanny search.

Ugh what an annoying answer. No OP, you do not have to derail your career.

Have you ever worked full time with a long commute and come home to three children under five? It's exhausting. And it is very difficult to enjoy your career or your children if you are exhausted. And while having three isn't that different from having two, having an infant is a lot of work. Sometimes it makes sense to cut back your hours for a year or push back a move until you are out of the infant stage. These things may seem like they need to be done right now, but ten years from now, it likely won't matter much.

Give the baby up for adoption.
You're not the first person to have 3 children and a husband that works. If you really need a nanny round the clock then you shouldn't have children. I can see having a nanny while you work and possibly every other Saturday

OP, you need an evening sitter and a weekend sitter or you will burn out your nanny. I personally would get two different people because things always come up and you will need to replace them at some point. It is easier to find weekend sitters when you don't have to have them cover the weeknights too and likewise for the weeknight sitters.

Why are you having more children if you literally don't want time with them? Long working hours are one thing, but most working parents handle their kids by themselves in the evenings. Unless you have a medical condition or some other extenuating circumstances, plan to do nights by yourself. Three isn't that much harder than two anyway.

Anonymous wrote:This is my advice as an MB and mother of four kids close in age and a husband who works long hours: find a new job. One that is closer to where you live and possibly part time (maybe 80%). You might not like it as much, but your job isn't going to be the focus of your life for the next few years anyway. If I were you, I would put my energy into a job search rather than a nanny search.

Ugh what an annoying answer. No OP, you do not have to derail your career.

Anonymous wrote:You also don't have to move. Kids can share a room, bunk beds if there isn't enough space, etc. you are making this too hard.

4 years old is too young for the top bunk. But yes, I agree that kids could double up/triple up rather than moving. My cousins were a family of 4 daughters and one son, and the 4 girls shared one bedroom for many years.

You also don't have to move. Kids can share a room, bunk beds if there isn't enough space, etc. you are making this too hard.

This is my advice as an MB and mother of four kids close in age and a husband who works long hours: find a new job. One that is closer to where you live and possibly part time (maybe 80%). You might not like it as much, but your job isn't going to be the focus of your life for the next few years anyway. If I were you, I would put my energy into a job search rather than a nanny search.

You could get an au pair for the live-in help, covering the bulk of the hours, then have an afternoon/early evening nanny who helps out until 7p or 8p.

Maybe hold off on seeing if you really do need a weekend nanny as well?

You'll need multiple nannies if you need around the clock help.

But plenty of people handle evenings with three kids on their own.

I am a full-time working mom of 2 (1.5 & 4 year old), with another baby on the way in the spring. I currently have a full-time nanny that we love, that works 8-5:30..With this new baby coming, we need more space so have to live further out, in which I'll take on a longer commute (will probably need nanny 7:30-6 pm). I am also concerned about how I am going to handle the evenings alone with 3 children, as my husband works most nights (and Saturdays too), and I already have my hands full with just two children. Should I look for a live-in nanny? But, they wouldn't be able to work a full day & evenings/weekends, right? Would I be looking for daytime nanny + an evening/weekend nanny? An au pair?