First, OP please try paragraphs. Your posts are hard to read. You're taking this too personally OP. Everyone was trying to do what was best for themselves and their family. Your share partners acted selfishly by not giving you a heads up, but perhaps they didn't want to risk that you'd offer the nanny a better position.

If your nanny just learned of all of this on Friday, why are you so angry with her? She may very well have thought that this was a decision you all reached together! No nanny likes working with parents in the home if it can be avoided. Why not make your own offer to her? Let her know she has a choice.

We had planned on paying our nanny her full-time wages when my son started preschool.

Thanks everyone. I understand she needed to look out for herself and her job. But to accept a job with a family she has never met and not worked for makes absolutely no sense. I'm also very upset with our nanny share partners. I would have been transparent about preschool and considering a share with another family that they are friends with, I just expected more from them. We aren't friends but they have always been lovely to my son, my wife and me. I can't imagine doing this. I'm a very transparent person. I would have said, "family, we are havibg another baby and it would be more convenient to have a share with our friends. We would like to offer nanny the position." Maybe that sounds odd, but I can work with honesty. I just feel like my family and more importantly my son were shut out of the equation. Believe me this move would not have boded well with them if they were on our shoes.

I don't even want this nanny in my home. She told my wife she just found out the other family was pregnant and doing preschool Friday, that they said "you will work for us and our friends". Like I said the other couple works from home and I'm sure the nanny likes that rather than our house where she is alone with kids.

I had asked the nanny her thoughts on preschool and she had said to wait another year.

Lesson learned. I feel so dumb. Why did I let these terrible people into my life?

So sorry OP. It sounds to me as if your nanny and this other family have been discussing this behind your back for awhile now.

And the fact that nothing was said to you directly the last time you saw the nanny is proof positive that she knew what she was doing was wrong and deceptive!

In a way it has been a blessing in disguise since the nanny and the other family have shown their true colors.

Good riddance to all of them.

The nanny was told that one set of parents is having another child and their toddler will be going to p/t preschool. They want to keep her, have their infant with another infant, but still have p/t care for their son. The distance between the two homes is significantly less than the current distance.

I see the following as things to consider:
1. It sounds like you host now, and that's a long walk for the other family, or a short drive. With the other family in the neighborhood, it'll either be a short walk or they might host (with two kids, hosting would be a better idea).
2. You never clicked with the other family. It sounds like they are friends with the other set of parents.
3. Nanny will be making more taking care of three children than she was making for two children, and because she's starting over with infants, she will have longer job security.
4. If a nanny is offered a job, she is not required to let her current family help her decide whether to take it. She has to do what is better for herself, and clearly it's in her long-term interest to work with infants versus stay in a toddler-only share.
5. Nanny was not given a choice to decline or think about the change, she was simply told that this was going to happen. She hadn't had time to process when you picked up your child on Friday. While you wanted more time to think this through, the nanny was probably not expecting it either, and needed to think through all the parameters. As soon as she processed the news, she spoke to you.
6. Convenience usually trumps slightly higher pay. If you can't afford preschool and a share, it's highly likely that you think you are paying a wonderful wage, while the nanny feels that it's just market rate.
7. It's not clear who emailed you. If it was the other family, that's on them, and they are going to do what is best for them. If it was the nanny, she waited until there was no chance that you would upset the toddlers and until she could decide how to let you know.
8. It's highly possible that the other family told her not to say anything to you on Friday, and as she will be working with them long-term, she can't afford to disregard what they say.
9. Were you planning on cutting nanny's hours later when your child started preschool?
10. How long did you expect this share to last? Most shares disintegrate when the kids are 3 or 4, but some dissolve earlier.

There are so many different things that could be going on, and neither you nor we know the particulars. Yes, this is hard, both for you and for your child, but you will get through it.

I understand that you're upset OP, and agree that you're in a crappy situation. It's a little strange to me that you're mad at the nanny, but if you should be mad at anyone, it's your share partners. They were the ones with the responsibility to tell you they were going to offer her another job. Her responsibility is to herself, as this is her job, and she shouldn't be expected to forgo better opportunities for your sake. Also understand that these conversations can be hard to have in person, and that it probably wouldn't have made you feel any better. I hope they gave you some notice to work with, and that you find a great care situation for your child going forward.

You are having some understandable anxiety, but hopefully there is enough transition time that your child can meet his new caregivers before he's totally done with the share. This will work out! I promise.

I've had nannies quit with short notice right after I had a new baby (twice) -- one left to go to an internship in her field of study (totally unrelated to nannying), and the other decided to be a SAHM after her husband found a better-paying job. I stood in my kitchen and cried both times. Then, we moved, and I had yet another nanny search. It has always, always worked out. Each situation has been better than the prior one because I have become a more experienced parent and employer. It's going to be ok.

9:04 here and I am a nanny and sorry this happened to you. I can't help but think that there is more to the story that you may never know. These things happen and I understand you being worried about your LO. It's neither here nor there but things like this happen to nannies all the time. Have a job on Friday, something changes, no job on Monday. And yes there is a feeling of betrayal as the nanny/family relationship is more personal and intimate than other employee/employer relationships. I promise you it will eventually work out and you will find good care for you child and he will weather this just fine. Good luck to you. No matter what, the other family and nanny did not handle this well at all.

Anonymous wrote:Basically the nanny told me that the MB said, "X, you will continue working for us and our neighbor." These are neighbors the nanny has never met that are expecting a child. Other MB is expecting a second child. We have helped our nanny's adult daughter get a well-paying corporate job, assisted her with her citizenship, getting her driver's license and purchasing her home. We pay well, offer very good benefits and know that the other family is not going to pay more. The nanny explained it to me as the other MB approaching her, telling her she was expecting, that LO would do p/t preschool in the fall and that the neighbors would be the share. Nanny said the family doesn't want to have to travel to our house with two LOs. We live within walking distance, have a very clean, well-maintained single family home with a basement playroom, fenced in back yard and live near many parks, the library, shops, public transportation. We have parking for the nanny. I'm sure there is something the nanny or other family isn't telling us but it sounds like a lot of it has to do with convenience.

I don't really appreciate the other family pushing us out of the share without communicating this first and telling us first. I think they acted terribly and that the nanny also acted unprofessional and without integrity.

The worst is this supposedly occurred right before pick up on Friday. Why they couldn't tell me in person rather than over an email Sunday night is beyond me.

This is your answer. They poached her, and the job will be sufficiently easier for her that I'm sure she isn't motivated to push back. How much notice have they given you?

Also what do you think of email notification?

The worst is how this will impact my LO. He loves his nanny and nanny share family. I know kids are resilient but now I feel completely blindsided and also uncomfortable with their ethics. My wife said I should view this as a positive but I can't understand this. I had even talked to the other family about preschools and they told me and my wife that they couldn't afford a nanny and preschool, which we understood. My wife and I do not have jobs that allow for telework and the other family take works socializing with the nanny often, whereas we travel for work and pay overtime for 50 hours a week which even then is tough on us as a family. I felt feel sick about this. I didn't sleep. I was in the bathroom all night sick about my LO's child care. There are very limited options as far as preschool with after care or day care by our home and the work wait liars are crazy. I put LO on my work list the day my wife found out she was pregnant and I'm still not sure LO will get in as there are very few slots. We placed LO in slots near work and my job changed over the summer so I will now need to put him on other wait lists as those locations no longer work for our family.

Basically the nanny told me that the MB said, "X, you will continue working for us and our neighbor." These are neighbors the nanny has never met that are expecting a child. Other MB is expecting a second child. We have helped our nanny's adult daughter get a well-paying corporate job, assisted her with her citizenship, getting her driver's license and purchasing her home. We pay well, offer very good benefits and know that the other family is not going to pay more. The nanny explained it to me as the other MB approaching her, telling her she was expecting, that LO would do p/t preschool in the fall and that the neighbors would be the share. Nanny said the family doesn't want to have to travel to our house with two LOs. We live within walking distance, have a very clean, well-maintained single family home with a basement playroom, fenced in back yard and live near many parks, the library, shops, public transportation. We have parking for the nanny. I'm sure there is something the nanny or other family isn't telling us but it sounds like a lot of it has to do with convenience.

I don't really appreciate the other family pushing us out of the share without communicating this first and telling us first. I think they acted terribly and that the nanny also acted unprofessional and without integrity.

The worst is this supposedly occurred right before pick up on Friday. Why they couldn't tell me in person rather than over an email Sunday night is beyond me.

Anonymous wrote:Seems like you got out-bid by the other family and what you consider extremely well-paid, someone else was willing to top.

Sorry but this OP although it seems like it could have been handled better. Nannies just don't jettison families for petty reason. There must have been something else going on but the nanny should have communicated that with you.

Seems like you got out-bid by the other family and what you consider extremely well-paid, someone else was willing to top.

My family has been in a nanny share for the past two years. We are the family who started the share and found the nanny who has been on our long-term care for over two years. We were notified over email that the other family will be entering a share with a neighbor and that they will retain the nanny. I don't know whether to be heart broken for my son, who has only known this nanny and other family, or livid that rather than discuss in person, the other family and nanny would let me know via email. The other family's family situation is changing and they are hoping to place their LO in p/t preschool. While my son is on the wait list for other day cares, I have given up spots that I was offered due to what I viewed as a good long-term share. More than anything, I am hurt that the nanny would work for a stranger she has never met over us. I don't know if the nanny is truly unsophisticated to realize the lack of professionalism or integrity in taking a job for the other MB and a stranger and not letting us know in person. To be honest, I don't know if I trust our LO with either of these people. While we are happy for the other family and understand the convenience factor of next-door neighbor share, I am very hurt as Friday I picked up LO and there was an opportunity to discuss in person. I did call the nanny and tell her how disappointed I was to find out that the only caregiver LO has never known would not have the professionalism or integrity to inform me in person. It was even more disheartening to hear that the nanny felt like the family was instructing her that she will continue with them and that she would not accept any ownership for basically pushing us out of the share. I am at a loss. We pay our nanny extremely well and I felt like she was part of our family. While the other family was very welcoming to our LO, I got the feeling they never clicked with us on a friendship level. I have been up all night researching very limited child care options for our son. We can't afford preschool and a nanny and I'm not feeling like I want to enter another share. LO is #15 on work child care center list and other places I'd feel happy with him attending either have a wait list they do not disclose or are in the process of the lottery for next year. What would you do? My wife is more practical and said to view this as a positive but I feel screwed over. I think it sucks that both feel like this was an okay move.