Anonymous
01/09/2016 09:09
Subject: Letter of recommendation for a nanny we let go?
sounds like she have no interest on getting any LETTER from you!!!!! Pulse if you try to do anything the law will punish you!!! She absolutely knows what you trying to do!!Anonymous wrote:ohAnonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:MB here.
You probably shouldn't have accepted a FB friend request.
Re a reference letter - I think you can write a fairly basic, fair letter that doesn't misrepresent anything.
Something like:
Ms. X was employed as a nanny for our two sons, ages y and z, for the period of ____. During that time she was responsible for cooking meals, chauferring them to and from school and activities, doing their laundry, etc....
Ms. X was always punctual and reliable. She was particularly good at (find something to say - even if it "always leaving the kitchen and play spaces clean and organized at the end of the day).
We wish her the best in her career.
Then you're done. You've not said anything untrue or unkind, and you've given her something documenting her time of employment.
If she presses you to say more you can always say "I'm sorry but that's all I feel comfortable saying, given that I don't think it ended up being a good fit."
If someone contacts you by phone for a more detailed reference you can answer those questions as you see fit, but it's certainly possible to write a limited, factual reference letter that essentially verifies employment and some basic skills.
Good idea, pass her on to another unsuspecting family.
to let you know we keep trucking on you! Keep in mind you just want to get your way NO NO !!!! you can't !!!! In fact you are writing to yourself all this post no One giving Any Opinion To be honest !! Suck it up !!!
Anonymous
01/08/2016 22:07
Subject: Letter of recommendation for a nanny we let go?
ohAnonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:MB here.
You probably shouldn't have accepted a FB friend request.
Re a reference letter - I think you can write a fairly basic, fair letter that doesn't misrepresent anything.
Something like:
Ms. X was employed as a nanny for our two sons, ages y and z, for the period of ____. During that time she was responsible for cooking meals, chauferring them to and from school and activities, doing their laundry, etc....
Ms. X was always punctual and reliable. She was particularly good at (find something to say - even if it "always leaving the kitchen and play spaces clean and organized at the end of the day).
We wish her the best in her career.
Then you're done. You've not said anything untrue or unkind, and you've given her something documenting her time of employment.
If she presses you to say more you can always say "I'm sorry but that's all I feel comfortable saying, given that I don't think it ended up being a good fit."
If someone contacts you by phone for a more detailed reference you can answer those questions as you see fit, but it's certainly possible to write a limited, factual reference letter that essentially verifies employment and some basic skills.
Good idea, pass her on to another unsuspecting family.
Anonymous
01/08/2016 20:37
Subject: Letter of recommendation for a nanny we let go?
Anonymous wrote:MB here.
You probably shouldn't have accepted a FB friend request.
Re a reference letter - I think you can write a fairly basic, fair letter that doesn't misrepresent anything.
Something like:
Ms. X was employed as a nanny for our two sons, ages y and z, for the period of ____. During that time she was responsible for cooking meals, chauferring them to and from school and activities, doing their laundry, etc....
Ms. X was always punctual and reliable. She was particularly good at (find something to say - even if it "always leaving the kitchen and play spaces clean and organized at the end of the day).
We wish her the best in her career.
Then you're done. You've not said anything untrue or unkind, and you've given her something documenting her time of employment.
If she presses you to say more you can always say "I'm sorry but that's all I feel comfortable saying, given that I don't think it ended up being a good fit."
If someone contacts you by phone for a more detailed reference you can answer those questions as you see fit, but it's certainly possible to write a limited, factual reference letter that essentially verifies employment and some basic skills.
Good idea, pass her on to another unsuspecting family.
Anonymous
01/08/2016 19:45
Subject: Letter of recommendation for a nanny we let go?
Anonymous wrote:
When I first started reading the original post, I was going to give pretty much the same advice – write a letter that is honest and generic to positive without being overly gushy and ignore the negative. I was assuming the "negative" was about things like being tardy or not cleaning up as well as OP would've liked or whatever. Once I saw that the issue was about being mean to the kid I did a 180 on that. When it comes to matters of not just doing a job sloppily but actually doing harm (emotional or otherwise) I feel strongly that you should not give anything that could be construed as even a so-so endorsement.
OP here: I was very careful not to say anything about her childcare abilities in the letter for that reason.
Anonymous
01/08/2016 12:11
Subject: Letter of recommendation for a nanny we let go?
Anonymous wrote:MB here.
You probably shouldn't have accepted a FB friend request.
Re a reference letter - I think you can write a fairly basic, fair letter that doesn't misrepresent anything.
Something like:
Ms. X was employed as a nanny for our two sons, ages y and z, for the period of ____. During that time she was responsible for cooking meals, chauferring them to and from school and activities, doing their laundry, etc....
Ms. X was always punctual and reliable. She was particularly good at (find something to say - even if it "always leaving the kitchen and play spaces clean and organized at the end of the day).
We wish her the best in her career.
Then you're done. You've not said anything untrue or unkind, and you've given her something documenting her time of employment.
If she presses you to say more you can always say "I'm sorry but that's all I feel comfortable saying, given that I don't think it ended up being a good fit."
If someone contacts you by phone for a more detailed reference you can answer those questions as you see fit, but it's certainly possible to write a limited, factual reference letter that essentially verifies employment and some basic skills.
When I first started reading the original post, I was going to give pretty much the same advice – write a letter that is honest and generic to positive without being overly gushy and ignore the negative. I was assuming the "negative" was about things like being tardy or not cleaning up as well as OP would've liked or whatever. Once I saw that the issue was about being mean to the kid I did a 180 on that. When it comes to matters of not just doing a job sloppily but actually doing harm (emotional or otherwise) I feel strongly that you should not give anything that could be construed as even a so-so endorsement.
Anonymous
01/07/2016 13:22
Subject: Letter of recommendation for a nanny we let go?
First of all, you have a very good heart if you accepted her friend request after hurting your son back when. I wouldn't have. But you are being the bigger person here and I get it.
Simply let her know that things didn't really work out the way you would have liked with her and your son, that it took your son a long time to get over the things she said and did to him.
Tell her while you do not hold any malice toward her, you just do not feel comfortable enough talking to other people about her tenure with your family due to the situation with your son.
Wish her the best in her future endeavors however.
Simply let her know that things didn't really work out the way you would have liked with her and your son, that it took your son a long time to get over the things she said and did to him.
Tell her while you do not hold any malice toward her, you just do not feel comfortable enough talking to other people about her tenure with your family due to the situation with your son.
Wish her the best in her future endeavors however.
Anonymous
01/06/2016 16:55
Subject: Re:Letter of recommendation for a nanny we let go?
Anonymous wrote:OP here.
Thank you all for the advice, especially 11:46. I'm going to go ahead and write a customized version of that excellent letter. There were more issues than I've let on here and we tried unsuccessfully to communicate with her and resolve them before we let her go, but she proved to be unresponsive to feedback, so I doubt it would buy me anything to be overly communicative at this point. I think by writing such a generic letter it will raise the right questions with any prospective family, I know it would with me. Probably right, I shouldn't have accepted that friend request, maybe someday I'll just quietly unfriend her and move on.
11:46 here. Glad to help!
I agree w/ you about the bolded section - a letter like that would be an insufficient reference for me. And any parent doing their job should want to speak with a former employer/reference anyway - which you could choose to agree to or not for your former nanny. But this way you've taken the high road, without being unneccessarily confrontational or misleading some possible other employer.
Anonymous
01/06/2016 16:41
Subject: Re:Letter of recommendation for a nanny we let go?
OP here.
Thank you all for the advice, especially 11:46. I'm going to go ahead and write a customized version of that excellent letter. There were more issues than I've let on here and we tried unsuccessfully to communicate with her and resolve them before we let her go, but she proved to be unresponsive to feedback, so I doubt it would buy me anything to be overly communicative at this point. I think by writing such a generic letter it will raise the right questions with any prospective family, I know it would with me. Probably right, I shouldn't have accepted that friend request, maybe someday I'll just quietly unfriend her and move on.
Thank you all for the advice, especially 11:46. I'm going to go ahead and write a customized version of that excellent letter. There were more issues than I've let on here and we tried unsuccessfully to communicate with her and resolve them before we let her go, but she proved to be unresponsive to feedback, so I doubt it would buy me anything to be overly communicative at this point. I think by writing such a generic letter it will raise the right questions with any prospective family, I know it would with me. Probably right, I shouldn't have accepted that friend request, maybe someday I'll just quietly unfriend her and move on.
Anonymous
01/06/2016 14:57
Subject: Re:Letter of recommendation for a nanny we let go?
Anonymous wrote:You have 3 choices -
1. Write a letter as suggested by PP at 11:46
2. Be honest with her and explain what your issues were and why you aren't comfortable recommending her
3. Ignore the request (which may be the end of it, or she may come back and then you'd have to do either 1 or 2)
In your case I'd probably do #2 since you have no reason not to be honest with her and if she thinks that you were happy with her performance she'll continue to ask to use you as a reference.
Nanny here. I would much rather know not to contact a previous family again, so in my case, I would prefer 2. However, if you strongly feel that this woman shouldn't be working with kids, it depends. With 2, you could tell her what the issues are and she could still ask you for the basic letter, just not have anyone call you. But if you feel that strongly, you may want to go with 1, write the letter and make sure that every time someone calls, you make them aware of your reservations. I happen to agree with you that anyone who is vindictive and outright mean to a child, especially in a position where that sets one child up as a favorite and the other as the undesirable, should not be allowed to work with children.
Anonymous
01/06/2016 12:24
Subject: Letter of recommendation for a nanny we let go?
Anonymous wrote:11:46 has a good head over her shoulder and a very kind heart.
+1
Anonymous
01/06/2016 12:11
Subject: Letter of recommendation for a nanny we let go?
11:46 has a good head over her shoulder and a very kind heart.
Anonymous
01/06/2016 12:00
Subject: Re:Letter of recommendation for a nanny we let go?
You have 3 choices -
1. Write a letter as suggested by PP at 11:46
2. Be honest with her and explain what your issues were and why you aren't comfortable recommending her
3. Ignore the request (which may be the end of it, or she may come back and then you'd have to do either 1 or 2)
In your case I'd probably do #2 since you have no reason not to be honest with her and if she thinks that you were happy with her performance she'll continue to ask to use you as a reference.
1. Write a letter as suggested by PP at 11:46
2. Be honest with her and explain what your issues were and why you aren't comfortable recommending her
3. Ignore the request (which may be the end of it, or she may come back and then you'd have to do either 1 or 2)
In your case I'd probably do #2 since you have no reason not to be honest with her and if she thinks that you were happy with her performance she'll continue to ask to use you as a reference.
Anonymous
01/06/2016 11:46
Subject: Letter of recommendation for a nanny we let go?
MB here.
You probably shouldn't have accepted a FB friend request.
Re a reference letter - I think you can write a fairly basic, fair letter that doesn't misrepresent anything.
Something like:
Ms. X was employed as a nanny for our two sons, ages y and z, for the period of ____. During that time she was responsible for cooking meals, chauferring them to and from school and activities, doing their laundry, etc....
Ms. X was always punctual and reliable. She was particularly good at (find something to say - even if it "always leaving the kitchen and play spaces clean and organized at the end of the day).
We wish her the best in her career.
Then you're done. You've not said anything untrue or unkind, and you've given her something documenting her time of employment.
If she presses you to say more you can always say "I'm sorry but that's all I feel comfortable saying, given that I don't think it ended up being a good fit."
If someone contacts you by phone for a more detailed reference you can answer those questions as you see fit, but it's certainly possible to write a limited, factual reference letter that essentially verifies employment and some basic skills.
You probably shouldn't have accepted a FB friend request.
Re a reference letter - I think you can write a fairly basic, fair letter that doesn't misrepresent anything.
Something like:
Ms. X was employed as a nanny for our two sons, ages y and z, for the period of ____. During that time she was responsible for cooking meals, chauferring them to and from school and activities, doing their laundry, etc....
Ms. X was always punctual and reliable. She was particularly good at (find something to say - even if it "always leaving the kitchen and play spaces clean and organized at the end of the day).
We wish her the best in her career.
Then you're done. You've not said anything untrue or unkind, and you've given her something documenting her time of employment.
If she presses you to say more you can always say "I'm sorry but that's all I feel comfortable saying, given that I don't think it ended up being a good fit."
If someone contacts you by phone for a more detailed reference you can answer those questions as you see fit, but it's certainly possible to write a limited, factual reference letter that essentially verifies employment and some basic skills.
Anonymous
01/06/2016 10:33
Subject: Letter of recommendation for a nanny we let go?
Say what you said here. You don't owe her anything, and certainly shouldn't pretend to recommend a nanny that probably shouldn't work with kids.
Anonymous
01/06/2016 10:12
Subject: Letter of recommendation for a nanny we let go?
A year ago we let our nanny go. We thought she was great at first, but little by little it became clear that she had a hostile relationship with one of my sons and was always mean to him. She never said anything positive to him. This came out after she left, from both of my sons seperately, so I know it's not fabricated. My son took a long time to recover from that experience.
A couple of months ago she Facebook friended me, and I accepted. She just wrote to ask me for a letter of recommendation. I'm not comfortable. I'm still angry at her for all that went down; she's never apologized or admitted that she was wrong. I'm willing to move beyond it to create peace in my own life but wouldn't recommend her to take care of anyone else's children.
What do I do/say?
A couple of months ago she Facebook friended me, and I accepted. She just wrote to ask me for a letter of recommendation. I'm not comfortable. I'm still angry at her for all that went down; she's never apologized or admitted that she was wrong. I'm willing to move beyond it to create peace in my own life but wouldn't recommend her to take care of anyone else's children.
What do I do/say?