You said that she has two regular days with you, and sometimes extra? Are you guaranteeing the two days, more, or nothing?

Her other family is not paying her "guaranteed hours" for those hours their children are in school, yet expect her to drop everything when they need her (like a sick child home from school.) Or, maybe they HAVE been paying her for those hours, to guarantee her availability, and she has been "double dipping" by working for you.

Either way, obviously she does not see those hours as "yours" guaranteed--and you need to find someone new who CAN guarantee them for you. In return, you need to guarantee that she will get paid for those hours, regardless of whether or not you need her, as well.

No you are not wrong.

It doesn't matter that your are her "secondary" family here, if she agrees to watch the kids for you, then she needs to honor her commitment regardless.

She doesn't sound very reliable to me so I would look for someone else.

Perhaps someone who would like to earn a little extra spending money.

A retired person or a SAHM may work out.

Merry Xmas.

Thank you all for advice! I appreciate it.

Agreeing with everyone else here. It sounds like your family is secondary to her primary employer - which is completely understandable.

So I wouldn't hold it against her. I would just tell her that you understand that the other family has first priority but you're going to need to look for someone else for additional backup for extra hours.

Then I would email your listserv to see whether there are retirees, live-in nannies or aupairs, or other folks who might be an option for you for occasional hours.

Perhaps a better answer would be to look around your neighborhood and see if a SAH parent would be willing to watch your children for a few hours when you have appointments. This might be enticing to someone who is SAH with one child not in school or all their kids in school.

I agree with the others - that it's logical for your nanny to prioritize the other family, so she's doing what makes sense for her. But you also need to do what makes sense for you - you have regular medical appts due to pregnancy and you need some one you can rely on. I'd try to find another sitter who's generally available in the windows that you need, or find a neighborhood family daycare that's willing to take drop ins, so your children can develop a relationship with that person.

Do you offer her guaranteed hours? Meaning if you cancel on her at the last minute (for example you were supposed to have her sit but then you're too sick to go on your date night so you canceled) do you pay her anyway?

I ask because I was the nanny in this exact same set up and I originally tried to value both of those jobs pretty much equally based only on who had booked me first, but after my part-time job consistently kept canceling hours with me and not paying me for the time that they had reserved, I stopped taking their reserved hours as seriously. My primary family paid me for all hours that they had booked me for, even if they ended up not using them, so if they wanted to book me that I knew for sure that I would be paid for those hours, and I wasn't going to reserve hours that I may or may not get paid with the other family if I had the opportunity to definitely get paid with my primary family.

I'm a nanny who works part time for a couple different families. The families get priority for the hours they regularly schedule me and any hours above and beyond that it's whoever books me first. i'm not one to ditch last minute for any reason, even if it means "losing" money. Time to find a nanny who takes your hours seriously and perhaps doesn't need multiple jobs.

You have the nanny for only 10 hrs a week (2 days). it's logical she's prioritizing the family who pays her for many more hours.

This sounds like a really difficult situation for her to navigate. It seems like if you like her and want to keep her, you should find some backup for those times she has to prioritize her main job.

Hello, They're probably paying more. It's that simple.

I'd confront her. "Mary, lately you've been agreeing to work and then backing out at the last minute. This REALLY puts us in a bind. Our kids love you, and we'd like to keep working with you. What's going on that you keep canceling last minute?" Then listen to her answer. Maybe your kids aren't as well behaved as her first family. Maybe she's tired. Maybe your house smells like farts and cats.

If it doesn't change, get someone else.

You're her secondary family, what do you expect? I'd find a new nanny.

We have a woman come to sit/nanny for our kids a few mornings a week. Monday and Wednesdays from 9-2 are standard, and then we also ask her to sit for some things that fall outside of that time. She nannies 5 days/week for another family (6:30-8:30 am and then 3-6 pm). My kids love her and she's been with us for about 2 years.

However, lately she has been saying she can sit, and then changes her mind/says the other family needs her at the last minute. While once in a while I understand if her other charges are sick or something comes up, it has happened a lot over the last month or two. The latest is my OB apt tomorrow-it's the glucose test. I always tell her when I make a new apt, so she's had a 4 week notice. Yesterday she told me she needs to leave at 11:30, so I move my apt earlier. Now she just texts me that she needs to leave at 11 because one of the charges is staying home. I told her I cannot promise to be home at 11 due to the length of the apt and drive time, etc. I am frustrated as this is becoming an issue, and I feel like we are the family who is always having to compromise. Am I wrong?