Anonymous wrote:We are first time parents and hired a nanny for 25 hours a week a few weeks ago. We met her desired hourly wage and provide pretty decent benefits (PTO, sick leave, holiday pay). Our son seems to like her, and she is kind and enthusiastic, but not what I would consider a very seasoned nanny.

That would all be fine, but since she started with us she has been constantly pushing for more hours, and asking about our finances (ie, how much does our housing cost). I work part time in order to spend more time with my kid, which I have tried to explain to her, but she keeps asking why I can't work more hours so we can employ her more often and pay for her transportation like her previous family did.

we are not in a financial position to be the employer she wants us to be, and to be honest, the constant questions are intrusive and annoying. But DS likes her and I hate to make a woman in a bad financial situation even worse off.

Any advice?

I'm a nanny! If I accept a position with a certain understanding about my pay rate etc. there is absolutely no need to discuss anything further. She is VERY intrusive and there are boundaries. Bottom line is if the hours discussed written or verbal, weren't to her liking or it was unacceptable to her she should not have accepted the position. To be honest a lot of nannies have this fantasy in their heads that all families are loaded like the Kardashians or something and they are entitled because it's a private position, to be paid six figures yearly. Nannies GET REAL! Not every family is out to take advantage if us, NOT every family is rolling in money and last I checked if a family can afford it a nanny is paid based on experience, so be good and fair to the ones that respect us and be thankful for a job.. Op if you are unhappy by your nanny's questions address it professionally and move on, if you are uncomfortable start looking else where for care..

You have no obligation to answer any personal questions from your nanny regarding your finances. And it is quite rude & intrusive of her to inquire about such things.

I am a nanny and would never even consider crossing such personal boundaries w/my bosses. Never in a million years.

You offered the position at 25Hr. per week. And she accepted it. Yet now, she seems to want to up the hours when she already knows what the job is??

I find that very rude + offensive.

Either she accepts that this is a part-time position and performs her duties accordingly w/out trying to change it.

Or:
She can look for another position w/full-time hours or even take a second part-time gig to make that extra money.

I warn you OP, it seems your job is not offering her as many hours as she seems to need. (Not your fault AT ALL.)

I have a gut feeling that even though your son loves her, she will have no issues leaving you all high & dry if and when she finds a job w/more working hours.

Be prepared.

Anonymous wrote:OP here -- she seemed to expect us to provide a comprehensive living for her, which in our minds the very nature of part time work precludes, and she was not inclined to seek out another family to complete her income needs. In the past few days, some other issues have popped up having more to do with the quality of care that really tipped the scales. We let her go tonight; she did not take it well but I feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders.

As we start the process of searching for another provider, there have definitely been a few lessons learned here!

Yeah, I didn't see this working out long term. Totally agree with you that a part time job such as the one you offered can't generally provide a comprehensive living. Hope you find someone else looking to supplement their income by working with you.

OP here -- she seemed to expect us to provide a comprehensive living for her, which in our minds the very nature of part time work precludes, and she was not inclined to seek out another family to complete her income needs. In the past few days, some other issues have popped up having more to do with the quality of care that really tipped the scales. We let her go tonight; she did not take it well but I feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders.

As we start the process of searching for another provider, there have definitely been a few lessons learned here!

Maybe she already has a better job offer.

Anonymous wrote:I don't think thats a reason to let her go OP. Maybe you could talk to her about finding other nanny hours elsewhere.

She will want the OP to find that employer for her. If she had the drive to do it herself, she wouldn't be trying to guilt OP into adding the hours.

I don't think thats a reason to let her go OP. Maybe you could talk to her about finding other nanny hours elsewhere.

thanks to all for the advice. We're going to let her go today.

Anonymous wrote:Her questions are inappropriate. What your house cost or how much money you make has no bearing on what you pay her. She is paid an agreed upon wage. If you live in a $1M house she doesn't get more pay. Sounds like she's missing her full time salary which is understandable. But your personal assets and finances are not her business. Sounds like she loves your LO but either needs or wants higher income.

I agree with this. I also think you need something in writing that specifies hours, benefits, hourly compensation and basic expectations. Put on the paper the job you need and offer it to her. She can accept or she can acknowledge that part time isn't working for her (which would be understandable.)

You can find another nanny who will love your child. Don't let the fear of having to do that force you into a long-term uncomfortable dynamic.

That said, sometimes you have to pay a higher hourly rate to make a part-time position attractive. So if you think there is room to adjust the hourly rate to make your position as attractive as possible that is worth looking at, but you should not be feeling any pushback about the job you are offering.

A good fit between employer/family/child/nanny requires the job to make sense in practicality as well as personal fit. Basic comfort with hours and wages is fundamental. So a nanny isn't the right fit for you until the job you offer is a good fit for him/her. It doesn't sound like that's where you are currrently and both sides might need to acknowledge that and move on.

Her questions are inappropriate. What your house cost or how much money you make has no bearing on what you pay her. She is paid an agreed upon wage. If you live in a $1M house she doesn't get more pay. Sounds like she's missing her full time salary which is understandable. But your personal assets and finances are not her business. Sounds like she loves your LO but either needs or wants higher income.

Have you looked her in the eye and said "Your questions are too personal. Please don't ask about our finances or costs again."?

Especially if she's a very young adult OR not from this country, she may not know it's not acceptable among Americans to ask questions like this.

Have you told her flat out that you specifically hired a part-time nanny because that's what you want? "We hired you for 25 hours because we need 25 hours of care. If we needed more, we would have advertised for more. Your pushiness is very off-putting."

You need to be direct.

Anonymous wrote:She was referred to us from a friend of a friend who had been employing her full time. There is no signed agreement.

Tell her you'd like to work on a mutually agreeable contract, and present her with a draft to take home and look over. See how that goes, and then you can determine if you need to look for another nanny.

She was referred to us from a friend of a friend who had been employing her full time. There is no signed agreement.

1. Where did you find her?
2. Do you have a written agreement signed by all three of you?

We are first time parents and hired a nanny for 25 hours a week a few weeks ago. We met her desired hourly wage and provide pretty decent benefits (PTO, sick leave, holiday pay). Our son seems to like her, and she is kind and enthusiastic, but not what I would consider a very seasoned nanny.

That would all be fine, but since she started with us she has been constantly pushing for more hours, and asking about our finances (ie, how much does our housing cost). I work part time in order to spend more time with my kid, which I have tried to explain to her, but she keeps asking why I can't work more hours so we can employ her more often and pay for her transportation like her previous family did.

we are not in a financial position to be the employer she wants us to be, and to be honest, the constant questions are intrusive and annoying. But DS likes her and I hate to make a woman in a bad financial situation even worse off.

Any advice?