There is no excuse for your nanny to lie to the other family. No exceptions.

This is unprofessional of her plus it shows a lot of insight into her character, values and ethics, etc.

Imagine...If she is lying to the other family, she sure is heck lying to you about stuff.

Sure, two young children is tough. But she agreed to take on the responsibility so the ages of the kids should not be a factor.

I can tell from what you wrote that your gut is telling you something is truly off here. Listen to it because if you do not, sadly the children involved here will get short-changed.

TALK TO HER! A lot can be accomplished through communication.

As a parent, I can accept that not all of my requests will be followed to the T 100% of the time. If I've requested a certain nap routine and it's not working for you, or it's not practical in the context of a share, then talk to me about it and we can work something out.

What I can not work out and can not tolerate is lying. This is my child and I need to know that happens when I'm not there. Saying yes to my face and doing something else when I'm not looking because you're afraid to have a conversation about it is the type of cowardliness that is just not acceptable in this line of work. Yes, the conversation may be uncomfortable, but I strive to be reasonable and approachable and I expect professional, forthcoming behavior in return. Your nanny needs to be honest with the other family and I'm not sure I'd be open to trying to recover the relationship after it's clear she lies.

Anonymous wrote:It's possible that she's not struggling so much with the kids - most nannies are able to distinguish between a cry of displeasure and one of true distress - but feels harried and like she needs to shush them ASAP since you are home (and clearly watching her). Is that possible?

I'd wonder about this--maybe she's worried about the baby crying because you're trying to work.

It's possible that she's not struggling so much with the kids - most nannies are able to distinguish between a cry of displeasure and one of true distress - but feels harried and like she needs to shush them ASAP since you are home (and clearly watching her). Is that possible?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If the nanny cannot handle two infants then she should not be in a share -- or actually a nanny at all.

- another Nanny

I agree. Time for a new nanny. I would never disobey my employers like that

Disobey? Are you a child? Or a mommie troll?

Anonymous wrote:FTM and I work from home. In a nanny share with another family and we decided the share would be here for the first few months for a variety of reasons. We're a couple months in and it's just not working out. I regularly see the nanny doing things that the other family explicitly asked her not to do, and I feel like the freaking police.

I feel bad for the nanny because she's clearly struggling with 2 little ones (who wouldn't?!) and is taking short cuts to make her life easier. Again, who wouldn't? But, if I were the other family, I would want to know that the baby I spent 2 weeks training to sleep without a swaddle was being swaddled for naps in the share because the nanny doesn't want her to cry for a few minutes. That is just one of a few examples.

What would you do in this situation? Tell the family? I really hate being a tattle tale but I know how much they are struggling with their LO's sleep and think this might be undermining their progress.

I also don't fully trust the nanny now because she's explicitly telling the other family one thing and then doing another. Even though I get why she's doing it it still makes me uneasy.

A competent nanny wouldn't. I'm a nanny and normally very lenient, but this doesn't sound good.

Anonymous wrote:If the nanny cannot handle two infants then she should not be in a share -- or actually a nanny at all.

- another Nanny

I agree. Time for a new nanny. I would never disobey my employers like that

As a host family for a share myself I definitely feel a measure of responsibility for what goes on (and I do not work at home). I think you need to talk to the other family and strategize together. It is a tough position to be in!

If the nanny cannot handle two infants then she should not be in a share -- or actually a nanny at all.

- another Nanny

agree with the above nanny. you aren't being a tattle tale - you should be receiving the quality of nanny you pay for. if she is so cavalier about disregarding instructions while you are home, what will she do when she is alone with the children?

and no, she shouldn't be struggling with two small children if this is what she signed up for. sure, everybody has bad days, but this should not be a daily struggle.

- nanny who has only ever worked with multiples

Fire her. Lying and disobeying specific instructions should be grounds for termination in any job, and when it comes to your children you definitely deserve better.

-Nanny

FTM and I work from home. In a nanny share with another family and we decided the share would be here for the first few months for a variety of reasons. We're a couple months in and it's just not working out. I regularly see the nanny doing things that the other family explicitly asked her not to do, and I feel like the freaking police.

I feel bad for the nanny because she's clearly struggling with 2 little ones (who wouldn't?!) and is taking short cuts to make her life easier. Again, who wouldn't? But, if I were the other family, I would want to know that the baby I spent 2 weeks training to sleep without a swaddle was being swaddled for naps in the share because the nanny doesn't want her to cry for a few minutes. That is just one of a few examples.

What would you do in this situation? Tell the family? I really hate being a tattle tale but I know how much they are struggling with their LO's sleep and think this might be undermining their progress.

I also don't fully trust the nanny now because she's explicitly telling the other family one thing and then doing another. Even though I get why she's doing it it still makes me uneasy.