I totally agree with PP about talking to her about yourself, that helps a lot with this age group.

Look at the parent forum for tweens and teens, search for threads on getting the kids to talk, there are some great suggestions.

For a kid who has had 5 au pairs in 4 years... It's going to take a while to know whether you're going to stay or not. She may not open up to you for months. That's just the way it is.

One of the best things to get tween and teen girls talking, ime, is to talk to them. Don't ask questions. Just start talking in the car about the volunteering you're doing this weekend with the cat rescue/adoption. Or talk about a show that you watch. Or talk about a nifty store you just found. Honestly, it doesn't even matter whether she'll be interested (as long as she doesn't hate the topic), because the point is to tell her about *you* not ask about her. Let her get to know you and don't pressure her to open up. Whatever you do, never ask a tween or teen a bunch of pointed questions as soon as they get home from school.

Anonymous wrote:Preteen is my favorite group to work with. Get your nails done, crafting, make purses, decorate t-shirts, organize her closet, fashion show, at home spa day, baking cookies, decorate cake.. Possibilities are endless. My 13 Yo charge is literally one of my besties, we do almost everything together. Have fun, don't put a lot of pressure on yourself. She's shy, and will need to know she can trust you and that you're not just a lame adult.

If you're talking about a girly girl, sure. If not, those will backfire.

Good advice above. Above all give it time and don't push.

Also, can/do you drive her places? Often kids at that age will talk during car rides in a way they won't at other times. There's something about it being a confined/contained environment but also a place where they don't have to make eye contact or feel as much pressure to interact. So keep an eye out for those opportunities or moments.

It takes more time to bond with an older child vs. a younger one.

She is on the verge of adolescence and is "at that age." Trying to figure out her own identity, dealing with peer pressure at school, etc.

Be patient and give her some time. Don't give up this early.

Good luck to both of you.

Anonymous wrote:Anonymous



Any idea how many sitters/nannies she's already had?

She's had 5 Au pairs in the last 4 years

Poor kid. I au paired for some kids who went through the same revolving au pair door and they were really difficult to bond with. As expected.

Move slow, don't push her, but take an interest in what she likes and make that a central part of your time together. If she likes to read, don't sit on your phone or do chores, sit and read a YA novel in the living room with her. If she is missing out on a maternal figure, think about whether she'd like to try nail polish or learn how to do her makeup? I still remember the day my mom's friend took me to get my first powder foundation. I was 12. My mom never wore makeup and this friend really stepped in to help me feel more comfortable as a preteen who didn't really know what girls my age were doing. Good luck!

I think that she might be an introvert and the best thing to do is nothing.

If she is an introvert, do some reading about introverts.

Anonymous



Any idea how many sitters/nannies she's already had?

She's had 5 Au pairs in the last 4 years

Thank you guys so much for the great suggestions!

Any idea how many sitters/nannies she's already had?

Also keep in mind she might be an introvert and introverts don't have a lot to say particularly to someone they don't know. Being peppered with questions is a good way to shut an introvert down. Let her come to you. Ask if skew needs anything, help with homework, give choices about dinner etc bit wait for her to come to you rather than bugging her and trying too hard.

You should try to do all of the things suggested. But honestly, even though she likely will open up more, I wouldn't expect too much conversation from her. Most kids that age would rather talk to their friends instead of their nanny (or their parents), so be patient and let the relationship develop naturally; it may take some time.

Preteen is my favorite group to work with. Get your nails done, crafting, make purses, decorate t-shirts, organize her closet, fashion show, at home spa day, baking cookies, decorate cake.. Possibilities are endless. My 13 Yo charge is literally one of my besties, we do almost everything together. Have fun, don't put a lot of pressure on yourself. She's shy, and will need to know she can trust you and that you're not just a lame adult.

Well, what is she into? Knowing a little about her would help, as kids are all over the place by early adolescence in terms of interests, personality, etc.

If she likes girly things, take her for a pedicure.
If she likes sports, go kick a soccer ball.
If she likes reading, ask her about her favorite books.

You won't get any conversation out of her until she decides you're okay, so find out what she would like to do and do those things.

-Middle School English Teacher

So I'm nannying a 12 year old part time for the first time. It's a single dad and daughter situation. I've almost always worked with toddlers to elementAry school aged children. It's my second week and we barely have any conversations. It either yes or no responses when I try to start a conversations or get to know her. They seem like a pretty nice family, I would love for it to work out. What should I do. I like building relationships with the kids I care for. any suggestions?