Anonymous
Post 06/14/2015 19:50     Subject: When you know you have a "challenging" child, do you mention it in your ad?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:DD is a handful. She is extremely willful and can throw tantrums that last for several hours. She is only 17 months but we have already been through 2 nannies.

I don't want to keep going though the interview process and the turnover of nannies isn't good for DD.

Should I warn potential candidates from the start?


This is just from bad parenting. You could warn nannies of DDs history but your child is not bad or challenging by nature. Find a nanny who is experienced and PROMISE TO SUPPORT HER 100% and follow through with that promise by offering her the freedom to make changes in DDs routine and run things the way they need to run for DD to get over her behavior issues. Let her know you are there if nanny needs you but otherwise she has control and let her do her thing.


Although I think PP worded this rather harshly (not necessarily "bad parenting," maybe just that her previous tantrums weren't handled as well as they could've been, etc), I agree with the overall point. Honestly, the right nanny, working WITH you, and given enough hours with the child per week (no less than 20; 30+ is better), can seriously HELP your DD and your whole family to function more smoothly.

But even the best nanny in the world won't be able to help if you don't fully support her and back her in her methods. I've worked with toddlers who would throw tantrums over things like not getting to watch their favorite tv shows. I would work so hard during the day at showing her that crying and screaming won't help her get what she wants, and distract her with other fun things (usually outings to new parks, nature centers, etc), but the second her mom got home from work, DD would scream until her mom just broke down and turned on the TV (usually within a matter of minutes). Obviously this completely undermined everything I had been doing all day, and no progress could be made. (Well, DD did eventually stop throwing tantrums with me to get what she wanted because she realized I wouldn't give in, but she still threw tantrums with her parents.)

Anyway, hire a nanny with a proven track record and a clear plan for dealing with your daughters outbursts and give her the space and freedom to do what she needs, and reinforce her methods when you are with DD, and things can only improve. But, yes, you need to disclose this to potential nannies from the beginning.


Exactly this! Toddlers are all willful, though some take it to an extreme, the biggest issue is ALL adults being consistent (that means the babysitter on a weekend evening, Grandma, nanny, MB/DB, etc). Your next nanny needs to know, and they need to know that you've already had two nannies quit because they didn't know how to manage the behavior. I promise, there are plenty of nannies out there that can re-introduce you to the wonderful child you know, sans tantrums.
Anonymous
Post 06/14/2015 18:59     Subject: When you know you have a "challenging" child, do you mention it in your ad?
Anonymous wrote:Yes you tell them. You need someone who can deal with your.. willful.. child. Advertise for the kind of nanny you need. Someone with experience with a high needs child, who has successfully managed behaviors like your dd is showing.


You should also be prepared to pay top dollar.
Anonymous
Post 06/14/2015 15:40     Subject: When you know you have a "challenging" child, do you mention it in your ad?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:DD is a handful. She is extremely willful and can throw tantrums that last for several hours. She is only 17 months but we have already been through 2 nannies.

I don't want to keep going though the interview process and the turnover of nannies isn't good for DD.

Should I warn potential candidates from the start?


This is just from bad parenting. You could warn nannies of DDs history but your child is not bad or challenging by nature. Find a nanny who is experienced and PROMISE TO SUPPORT HER 100% and follow through with that promise by offering her the freedom to make changes in DDs routine and run things the way they need to run for DD to get over her behavior issues. Let her know you are there if nanny needs you but otherwise she has control and let her do her thing.


Although I think PP worded this rather harshly (not necessarily "bad parenting," maybe just that her previous tantrums weren't handled as well as they could've been, etc), I agree with the overall point. Honestly, the right nanny, working WITH you, and given enough hours with the child per week (no less than 20; 30+ is better), can seriously HELP your DD and your whole family to function more smoothly.

But even the best nanny in the world won't be able to help if you don't fully support her and back her in her methods. I've worked with toddlers who would throw tantrums over things like not getting to watch their favorite tv shows. I would work so hard during the day at showing her that crying and screaming won't help her get what she wants, and distract her with other fun things (usually outings to new parks, nature centers, etc), but the second her mom got home from work, DD would scream until her mom just broke down and turned on the TV (usually within a matter of minutes). Obviously this completely undermined everything I had been doing all day, and no progress could be made. (Well, DD did eventually stop throwing tantrums with me to get what she wanted because she realized I wouldn't give in, but she still threw tantrums with her parents.)

Anyway, hire a nanny with a proven track record and a clear plan for dealing with your daughters outbursts and give her the space and freedom to do what she needs, and reinforce her methods when you are with DD, and things can only improve. But, yes, you need to disclose this to potential nannies from the beginning.
Anonymous
Post 06/14/2015 15:23     Subject: When you know you have a "challenging" child, do you mention it in your ad?
Yes you tell them. You need someone who can deal with your.. willful.. child. Advertise for the kind of nanny you need. Someone with experience with a high needs child, who has successfully managed behaviors like your dd is showing.
Anonymous
Post 06/14/2015 13:29     Subject: When you know you have a "challenging" child, do you mention it in your ad?
Definitely mention it and be specific about what behaviors your child has and what kind of nanny you're looking for and how you plan to support her.
Anonymous
Post 06/14/2015 13:03     Subject: When you know you have a "challenging" child, do you mention it in your ad?
Anonymous wrote:DD is a handful. She is extremely willful and can throw tantrums that last for several hours. She is only 17 months but we have already been through 2 nannies.

I don't want to keep going though the interview process and the turnover of nannies isn't good for DD.

Should I warn potential candidates from the start?


This is just from bad parenting. You could warn nannies of DDs history but your child is not bad or challenging by nature. Find a nanny who is experienced and PROMISE TO SUPPORT HER 100% and follow through with that promise by offering her the freedom to make changes in DDs routine and run things the way they need to run for DD to get over her behavior issues. Let her know you are there if nanny needs you but otherwise she has control and let her do her thing.
Anonymous
Post 06/14/2015 12:58     Subject: When you know you have a "challenging" child, do you mention it in your ad?
Mom and nanny need to get on the same page to help the poor child.
Anonymous
Post 06/14/2015 12:42     Subject: Re:When you know you have a "challenging" child, do you mention it in your ad?
Yes, please mention it, OP. There is nothing worse for a nanny than accepting a position only to find out that she disliked your child. Let anyone interested know what they are in for.
Anonymous
Post 06/14/2015 11:05     Subject: Re:When you know you have a "challenging" child, do you mention it in your ad?
Anonymous wrote:Yes, OP, you need to mention it in the ad and talk about her behavior in the telephone interview. Make it sound worse than it is and make sure you are paying top dollar to keep a nanny from leaving.


NO, don't make it sound worse than it is, but yes, you need to inform the nanny. I just had a trial run last month that I quit after 4 days because the family withheld crucial information and was not open to alternative methods.

There is no reason that a good nanny who is well compensated and allowed to find an acceptable method (obviously not spanking or yelling, but something you haven't tried) of dealing with the extreme behavior wouldn't last. There are a lot of nannies who won't touch a family that has emotional or behavioral issues, so yes, you need to be upfront and willing to pay for someone with experience.
Anonymous
Post 06/14/2015 10:23     Subject: Re:When you know you have a "challenging" child, do you mention it in your ad?
Yes, OP, you need to mention it in the ad and talk about her behavior in the telephone interview. Make it sound worse than it is and make sure you are paying top dollar to keep a nanny from leaving.
Anonymous
Post 06/14/2015 10:23     Subject: When you know you have a "challenging" child, do you mention it in your ad?
OP needs some effective parenting direction. Perhaps a very experienced and trained (and confident!) nanny can help.

OP, can you afford 25+ per hour? And are you prepared to fine-tune your methods?
Anonymous
Post 06/14/2015 10:13     Subject: When you know you have a "challenging" child, do you mention it in your ad?
Anonymous wrote:DD is a handful. She is extremely willful and can throw tantrums that last for several hours. She is only 17 months but we have already been through 2 nannies.

I don't want to keep going though the interview process and the turnover of nannies isn't good for DD.

Should I warn potential candidates from the start?


Are you kidding? Your child is impossible and only a Saint will be interested. Don't waste the time of mere humans.
Anonymous
Post 06/14/2015 10:06     Subject: Re:When you know you have a "challenging" child, do you mention it in your ad?
You should certainly mention it. Tantrums that last for several hours are not normal. Either you/your nanny are mishandling the tantrums, or there is something else going on. I am a special needs nanny and have seen some humdinger tantrums, but none that last several hours.
Anonymous
Post 06/14/2015 09:44     Subject: When you know you have a "challenging" child, do you mention it in your ad?
I would mention that you're in need of a nanny who can handle high needs possibly a special needs nanny who has training to deal with children that require special care
Anonymous
Post 06/14/2015 08:46     Subject: When you know you have a "challenging" child, do you mention it in your ad?
DD is a handful. She is extremely willful and can throw tantrums that last for several hours. She is only 17 months but we have already been through 2 nannies.

I don't want to keep going though the interview process and the turnover of nannies isn't good for DD.

Should I warn potential candidates from the start?