Anonymous wrote:I think you are being incredibly generous, OP. It also sounds like your nanny is trying to use her surgery to guilt you into giving her more PTO for her holiday time off. Resist. Put everything in writing and go over it with her, stressing that her holiday time off is unpaid.

This kind of manipulation drives me nuts. I started a job late last year and didn't accrue enough PTO to take any time off for the holidays. I had to suck it up and work around the holidays. Why a nanny thinks she can expect extra PTO because she doesn't have any left is entitled and rude.

Luckily, most nannies would not be so rude and manipulative. OP's nanny is an exception, not the rule.

I quite agree. I don't get that kind of benefit package, nor do I know any nannies that do, and while we insist that we be allowed to use the time allowed in the contract, we don't push for even more...

I think you are being incredibly generous, OP. It also sounds like your nanny is trying to use her surgery to guilt you into giving her more PTO for her holiday time off. Resist. Put everything in writing and go over it with her, stressing that her holiday time off is unpaid.

This kind of manipulation drives me nuts. I started a job late last year and didn't accrue enough PTO to take any time off for the holidays. I had to suck it up and work around the holidays. Why a nanny thinks she can expect extra PTO because she doesn't have any left is entitled and rude.

Luckily, most nannies would not be so rude and manipulative. OP's nanny is an exception, not the rule.

You made an excellent point OP regarding nanny work and and office work.

That being said, if this is all due to her wanting to have an elective surgery, then there has to be some give and take on her end, not just yours.

If this were a life or death operation, I would have more empathy for her. But it sounds to me like she is doing this surgery for aesthetics only so she must be willing to sacrifice some pay for it.

She must be able to afford to do so. After all, many elective surgeries are not fully covered by insurance.

She's getting pissy about not being able to take additional paid days around the holidays??? That's an attitude problem, that I hope is tied to anxiety about the surgery. If she wants to save up time, then she needs to cut out the vacation beforehand.

Wow, that's a generous benefit package, OP. Definitely document, for the sake of both sides, and I thoroughly agree about not running with the toddler until she is fully healed.

Anonymous wrote:OP here. She has 6 weeks PTO and 5 sick days.
I did some research online and 4 weeks is on the high end. If she had a desk job, she would likely be fine after 2 weeks. But with an active toddler, it looks like shes still limited. many places said no physical activity for a month so I am guessing that's where 4 weeks comes from.

We are going to put everything in writing from the formal request for.time off (we won't let her come back before even if she feels better) to the any other timd taken off will be unpaid.

Sorry i meant 5 weeks PTO. She will use up 3 for the surgery and vacation, has already used another week earlier, has 3 appointments before the surgery. That will leave her with 2 PTO days and 5 sick days to be used for folliw up appointments and until jan 1st. Trying go write out everything now and was gettng confused.


Thanks all

OP here. She has 6 weeks PTO and 5 sick days.
I did some research online and 4 weeks is on the high end. If she had a desk job, she would likely be fine after 2 weeks. But with an active toddler, it looks like shes still limited. many places said no physical activity for a month so I am guessing that's where 4 weeks comes from.

We are going to put everything in writing from the formal request for.time off (we won't let her come back before even if she feels better) to the any other timd taken off will be unpaid.

That's really generous op. I had emergency surgery and had to use my pto.

I'm not sure what type of surgery your nanny is having, but that is a lot of time off for surgery! I've never taken more than a week's recovery time. She should get it done the week her sister is here instead of using it for vacation.

So, she has at least 5 weeks PTO (her vacation week with sis, the three weeks during surgery, and other pre-surgery appointments)? Or, are you giving her additional PTO? Honestly, you are being ridiculously accommodating. She knows how much PTO she gets each year. She needs to exhaust that before asking you to cover extra.

So, yes, get all of this in writing so it doesn't cost any more.

MB here.

OP, I think you are being MORE than gracious in scheduling your vacation so as not to inconvenience her. I would absolutely document all of her leave time, and plans, in writing. I would argue that you are entitled to say that accommodating 5 weeks out (some for personal vacation) is more than bending over backwards for her. I do not think you need to extend further consideration.

She would be harming her standing in my eyes by doing this.

But, given where you are, I would put it in writing.

I think you're right - this is likely to cause issues down the line. But this is her choice - not yours. She is choosing to take more time than she needs for the surgery, knowing that this means any other time she wants to take off later in the year will need to be unpaid.

Be sure to think through when you're taking your vacation so that if she decides she's ready to come back to work sooner than the 4 week mark you can either take advantage of that, or you've put in writing that we will be on leave until a specific date. (The danger being that you schedule your vacation for the latter half of July, she decides she's able to come back to work earlier than anticipated. Then you're in the position of dealing with someone who feels ready to work and therefore feeling she should be paid, while you're on vacation in order to accommodate her but therefore not needing her to work.)

Hope that makes sense.

You're in a crummy spot but I can tell you're trying to be decent about it. I hope your goodwill is repaid w/ loyalty.

Anonymous wrote:She needs to handle it differently by

1. not telling her employers what type of surgery she needed
2. not spending a week playing with her sister and instead having the surgery the day or day after her sister arrives.

Op here. I agree and I'm sure I would be more willing to accommodate her requests for the surgery if I didn't know it was elective but oh well. Dh agrees with you on the vacation with her sister but it's not like we can say anything and I think they've already booked some travel plans

She needs to handle it differently by

1. not telling her employers what type of surgery she needed
2. not spending a week playing with her sister and instead having the surgery the day or day after her sister arrives.

DS' nanny is scheduling semi elective surgery (It's more comfort driven vs medically driven). She has anticipated needing 4 weeks off for recovery. Her sister will be coming to town to take care of her.

Nanny already has the week leading up to the 4th f July off and her sister is visiting. Because of this she wants to schedule her surgery for the week after July 4th. It will be difficult but we can manage 5 weeks without her. Dh and I decided to schedule a 2 week vacation so she will only be using 3 weeks PTO (we don't count trips we take towards her PTO). However when you add in appointment leading up to the surgery and Follow up appointments she will have Used up almost all of her PTO and sick days until January 1st. She's less than thrilled with that because she usually takes off a few days around thanksgiving and Christmas. She said she can't afford to Take her surgery time as unpaid but she would take any further time off as unpaid. It concerns me that this would cause issues down the road. Do we get her to sign a contract stating she agrees to it?

Anyone have good suggestions on how to handle all of this? I'm trying to work out what's fair to everyone involved.