Perhaps OP should develop better judgment if she thought she had such a great relationship with this dysfunctional family.

Sounds Like that

Sounds like the parents have a difficult marriage overall, not just when it comes to agreeing on the best childcare option for their kid. Don't take that personally. Be worried for your charge. It sounds like the dad has anger issues - who curses like that to his wife? My husband & I have gotten into some heated arguments over the years but he's never said anything remotely like that - and I'd hardly put us up as the poster married couple of healthy communication.

That said, I think arguing over what tasks to ask, and not ask, of the nanny is a source of debate in any marriage where the dad is checked-in and cares, and hasn't just outsourced all parenting decisions to the mom. In the specific example you gave, dad probably came home, was annoyed that the pool was still filled, muttered something under his breath, but didn't ask his wife. It didn't occur to her to explain it to him. Kid witnesses it and tells you, but it all was a broken communication chain. There are a number of things that my husband asks of the nanny without checking with me first - probably because I'll tell him to give her a break. Conversely, I tell nanny that such & such doesn't need to happen today and then my husband complains to me that nanny is letting things slip - I tell him that I made that call, not nanny, but how many scenarios does this happen for when DH & I never compare notes? Probably a lot. Don't take it personally. These are minor annoyances on our part, mostly directed at each other, and we're overall happy with the nanny.

Anonymous wrote:Been there, done that. Children hear parental arguments even when the parents think they're asleep. Child loves nanny, so tells nanny what child heard.

It's a classic case of doing what one parent wants when the other parent either doesn't want that done or didn't know that was asked. I would recommend that you ask the parents to get childcare for tomorrow night so that the three of you can talk without listening ears. Both parents need to know that the child is hearing arguments and worrying. Both parents also need to hear from you that they need to be on the same page and bring concerns to you if it's about how you are doing your job. Tread carefully around anything else, as you don't know if they are arguing about everything and this is a precursor to divorce.

BTW, this is why I prefer to work with single parents (divorced or widowed).

I strongly advise you NOT to do this. DB is calling MB a bad mother. He is not going to respond well to a request for a sit-down from the nanny. THis will end in yelling and accusations from him. If you do not usually interact with DB, don't start now.

I do think this is a good approach, though, but only directed to MB. You don't have to tell her what it is he's repeated (she knows, and it gives her at least the illusion that maybe you haven't heard all the dirt), only that he's hearing the fights and repeating what he's heard, and that he seems worried and you are concerned.

I am pretty sure what your charge is telling you is spot on the truth. His dad is probably saying all of this when you are not around.

He sounds like a douche to me.

If you let on to him what your charge told you, you risk getting your charge in trouble and that would be unfair.

However, to sit and simmer would be impossible. (At least for me it would!!)

What I would do is make comments to him to let him know "subtlety " that you are on to him, but without being too specific.

For instance, you can tell him if he has any issues with your job performance, he can come and talk to you anytime about it, etc.

This will show him you know what's going on without implicating your charge specifically.

GL.

Been there, done that. Children hear parental arguments even when the parents think they're asleep. Child loves nanny, so tells nanny what child heard.

It's a classic case of doing what one parent wants when the other parent either doesn't want that done or didn't know that was asked. I would recommend that you ask the parents to get childcare for tomorrow night so that the three of you can talk without listening ears. Both parents need to know that the child is hearing arguments and worrying. Both parents also need to hear from you that they need to be on the same page and bring concerns to you if it's about how you are doing your job. Tread carefully around anything else, as you don't know if they are arguing about everything and this is a precursor to divorce.

BTW, this is why I prefer to work with single parents (divorced or widowed).

I would absolutely tell MB what your charge said to you. No question.

Sounds like your charge has an active imagination

I agree with pp sounds like you are a good nanny but DB is a pain in the ass.

DB obviously has a screw loose, and MB is protecting you from that. I would do nothing as long as you have no direct interaction with DB.

So the four-year-old I have been taking care of for three years tells me today that his daddy doesn't like me. I asked him why he would say such a thing and he said it's because I didn't let the water out of the kiddie pool the other day, but I asked MB what to do with it and she said "leave it, they will wanna play in it some more". Four-year-old goes on to tell me that daddy calls me bad nanny all of the time. I thought I had a great relationship with this family, I go above and beyond. MB always tells me how amazing I am. The child then tells me that his mom and dad fight all of the time and it scares him and that his dad says "you're a f-ing shit mom" to MB. I don't know what to do about all of this. I am hurt about the comments and concerned for my charge. If DB has a problem with me I wish he would talk to me about it, not to his four-year-old. What would you do?