Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:BTDT. Stop giving an honest opinion. She doesn't actually want one; she wants her opinion validated. Try to suss out what she wants and then validate that. "What were you thinking?" "If it feels right to you, then that's what matters."

+1 This makes life so much easier.

Sure. And then I'd do whatever is best for the child.

OP here and in most cases there is no "best" - just opinion on how. And I will always and have always followed the expressed desires of my employers. As I said, if I truly felt they were wrong, I would quit.

I disagree 100%. Let's take your potty training example. A highly experienced nanny should have a good sense for when a particular child is ready. The parent, who by the way is often with the child for fewer waking hours than the nanny, may certainly have a very different plan in mind.

As a professional nanny, it's my job to make the potty training process as successful as possible, with the least amount of stress (if any) for the child. Part of that requires me to know the best time and the best way to proceed.

While I am certainly as professional and sympathetic to the parents, it my NOT my expertise to step in as THEIR therapist.

And, btw, if all you do is obey random requests from the parents, what makes you a professional?

So if your MB said, "I do not want Larla anywhere near a potty until she is three" - you would put her on the potty at two because you felt she was ready?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:BTDT. Stop giving an honest opinion. She doesn't actually want one; she wants her opinion validated. Try to suss out what she wants and then validate that. "What were you thinking?" "If it feels right to you, then that's what matters."

+1 This makes life so much easier.

Sure. And then I'd do whatever is best for the child.

OP here and in most cases there is no "best" - just opinion on how. And I will always and have always followed the expressed desires of my employers. As I said, if I truly felt they were wrong, I would quit.

I disagree 100%. Let's take your potty training example. A highly experienced nanny should have a good sense for when a particular child is ready. The parent, who by the way is often with the child for fewer waking hours than the nanny, may certainly have a very different plan in mind.

As a professional nanny, it's my job to make the potty training process as successful as possible, with the least amount of stress (if any) for the child. Part of that requires me to know the best time and the best way to proceed.

While I am certainly as professional and sympathetic to the parents, it my NOT my expertise to step in as THEIR therapist.

And, btw, if all you do is obey random requests from the parents, what makes you a professional?

I disagree. You are beholden to do as your employer demands. I am a "professional" medical doctor and I am bound by the rules of my employer (in my case a hospital) regardless of what I think it right. And yet I am still a "professional".

I respect this nanny. She knows on which hill she is willing to die without sneaking behind her employers back and doing what she wants.

Anonymous wrote:MB here and I agree that this is insecurity on your boss' part. I would give your opinion but if/when she tries to convince you otherwise just say something like "I respect your position and have no problem doing what you ask. There are lots of ways to approach these things so I'm fine w/ what you request." Then just repeat that ad nauseaum. If you don't engage she'll tire of it and after a couple of times she'll know that's your standard answer when you disagree.

Maybe she'll calm down over time. I found that most of these things cropped up in the first year of parenthood/infancy. After that the decisions seem less weighty, parents learn that their kids survive and are sturdier than they think, etc...

Good luck.

Then the nanny should charge extra for that degree of hand-holding.
I have special consultation rates for that.

MB here and I agree that this is insecurity on your boss' part. I would give your opinion but if/when she tries to convince you otherwise just say something like "I respect your position and have no problem doing what you ask. There are lots of ways to approach these things so I'm fine w/ what you request." Then just repeat that ad nauseaum. If you don't engage she'll tire of it and after a couple of times she'll know that's your standard answer when you disagree.

Maybe she'll calm down over time. I found that most of these things cropped up in the first year of parenthood/infancy. After that the decisions seem less weighty, parents learn that their kids survive and are sturdier than they think, etc...

Good luck.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:BTDT. Stop giving an honest opinion. She doesn't actually want one; she wants her opinion validated. Try to suss out what she wants and then validate that. "What were you thinking?" "If it feels right to you, then that's what matters."

+1 This makes life so much easier.

Sure. And then I'd do whatever is best for the child.

OP here and in most cases there is no "best" - just opinion on how. And I will always and have always followed the expressed desires of my employers. As I said, if I truly felt they were wrong, I would quit.

I disagree 100%. Let's take your potty training example. A highly experienced nanny should have a good sense for when a particular child is ready. The parent, who by the way is often with the child for fewer waking hours than the nanny, may certainly have a very different plan in mind.

As a professional nanny, it's my job to make the potty training process as successful as possible, with the least amount of stress (if any) for the child. Part of that requires me to know the best time and the best way to proceed.

While I am certainly as professional and sympathetic to the parents, it my NOT my expertise to step in as THEIR therapist.

And, btw, if all you do is obey random requests from the parents, what makes you a professional?

OP here and thank you all for your comments. I have gotten a lot of good suggestions here on how to better handle her initial inquiry which I think is the key to stopping her basically backing me into a corner where I had to agree with her and admit that I was completely wrong before she will let it go.

Thank you!

I cannot stand people like that...Those that ALWAYS have to be right. And/or have the final word.

If you really like your job and do not want to leave, I would tread lightly here.

It cannot hurt to just go along with whatever she says since you know doing the opposite will just make things worse.

Keep your statements brief and then move on to discuss something entirely different with her.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:BTDT. Stop giving an honest opinion. She doesn't actually want one; she wants her opinion validated. Try to suss out what she wants and then validate that. "What were you thinking?" "If it feels right to you, then that's what matters."

+1 This makes life so much easier.

Sure. And then I'd do whatever is best for the child.

OP here and in most cases there is no "best" - just opinion on how. And I will always and have always followed the expressed desires of my employers. As I said, if I truly felt they were wrong, I would quit.

How odd. As a parent, I can't imagine why your boss bothers with that - either I want your opinion because clearly you're informed on the topic and I want to hear your thoughts - or I've already made up my mind and I wouldn't open the matter up to debate, but you can't have it both ways.

Anyway, OP could you sort of nod and acknowledge that it's a valid choice even if it's not what you personally would recommend?

Example: boss wants to delay introducing solids until six months, but you know that this increases the chance of allergies. When it's clear MB wants you to agree with her, you nod and say "Oh, yes, that's in line with AAP's recommendations." - it's true, but you haven't lied to say you agree.

Another example: boss wants to keep 3 year old's nap going, even though you can see the kid doesn't need it anymore and MB complains that it's hard to get the kid to sleep at night. You say "Oh yes, preschools include nap time until KG"

You can still be honest about your opinion, but when MB wants validation - cite some other authority.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:BTDT. Stop giving an honest opinion. She doesn't actually want one; she wants her opinion validated. Try to suss out what she wants and then validate that. "What were you thinking?" "If it feels right to you, then that's what matters."

+1 This makes life so much easier.

Sure. And then I'd do whatever is best for the child.

Anonymous wrote:BTDT. Stop giving an honest opinion. She doesn't actually want one; she wants her opinion validated. Try to suss out what she wants and then validate that. "What were you thinking?" "If it feels right to you, then that's what matters."

+1 This makes life so much easier.

BTDT. Stop giving an honest opinion. She doesn't actually want one; she wants her opinion validated. Try to suss out what she wants and then validate that. "What were you thinking?" "If it feels right to you, then that's what matters."

This parent sounds exhausting to me. GL.

Your MB is just insecure. When she asks your opinion on something tell her there are different approaches and then ask her what she thinks before you give her your opinion. Some people feel they need everyone to agree with them.

I am a nanny and totally respect a parents' choices on how to raise their choice. If I truly disagreed with an approach (like Babywise or spanking) I would quit but smaller things like when to potty train or what a child should eat are the parents' choice 100% and I do as requested always.

However, MB asks for my opinion on something (I have my Masters in Early Childhood Education and have been a preschool teacher for two decades) and I give her my opinion. If she disagrees with me I respect it and tell her that I will do as she asks and do not defend my position or bring it up again. I do not get an attitude about it (look - there are a hundred paths to the top of the mountain) and respect her.

But she wants me to agree with her. She will keep at it and want to continue to discuss it until I tell her that she is right. It is starting to wear on me and I am becoming afraid to voice any opinion when asked as I don't want another topic that she can harp on.

What to do?