This is not something I would ever ask our nanny to do - regardless of how good her package was. I respect her work with our children and wouldn't think to ask her to drive over when the children would not be coming home to clean or organize their rooms even if it were a part of her daily job.

I don't understand why you are being so defensive, OP. I am the surgical nurse and I never attacked you -- I simply gave you my perspective as a professional woman and the employer of a nanny.

Please do not post questions if you just want people to agree with you and side against your nanny.

OP, we leave for 6 weeks every summer. Our nanny comes over at least once a week while we are gone just to check on the house. She also has been known to take on larger projects then, like sorting through the kids clothes and donating the things they had outgrown, or re-organzing the playroom - on her own initiative.

No, it is not an outrageous request, especially when you give her so much paid vacation that she gets to choose. I suggest renegotiating that contract.

And I say that as someone who offered unlimited sick leave and generous vacation to my own nanny. But then, she never took advantage of it.

Your person business does not concern the nanny so you shouldn't have told her you were going away. You should have just told her to do her normal duties but you will be handling the kids on her days for this week, but she should continue to do her other duties.

Actually, the nanny is phenomenal -- though we did have a brief hiccup.

Some of my tone is hyper-sensitivity to the anonymous posters. I should get over that and accept that DCUM is rather ruthless.

In any case, the specifics of my employment arrangement evolved over time. But we anticipate our nanny moving on soon for family reasons, so this is a general question as well so I understand industry norms.

I can see how requiring no work while employers are away is cleaner, and likely the norm.

But I'm also sure that our overall compensation package is well above the norm.

I see the situation is more similar like housekeeping where the house and grounds need to be maintained irrespective of the owners being in or not. Your resentment is only going to grow OP. How much longer until contract period ends? Re negotiate then and nanny may leave anyway or better yet start over with someone who matches your job needs.

OP here.

I see the consensus on this issue. I will say this, though, that I will never offer three weeks of discretionary vacation again, on top of generous sick-leave, federal holidays, etc. With employer vacation on top of that, that is a hefty sum. Absurd for a nanny to get over twice as much paid time off as her employer.

Glad the consensus is that I'm a horrible exploiter, though (even though I instantly caved).

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That sounds reasonable given it is part of her job and she is getting paid.

I disagree. Part of my job is making sure our break room is kept clean. I would be furious if my boss/company owner asked me to drive in when the office is closed for two weeks to clean the break room and get it organized.

This makes sense to me. I am a surgical nurse and I do a few "chores" as a part of my job but would also be livid if my supervisors asked me to come in when there was no surgery to do those chores.

You were wrong to ask, OP.

Anonymous wrote:That sounds reasonable given it is part of her job and she is getting paid.

I disagree. Part of my job is making sure our break room is kept clean. I would be furious if my boss/company owner asked me to drive in when the office is closed for two weeks to clean the break room and get it organized.

That sounds reasonable given it is part of her job and she is getting paid.

I agree with the PP that you should not have made that request. You have hired a nanny - not a housekeeper. The fact that she does a few household chores for the children while they are in school does not change the fact that she is a nanny and not a housekeeper. Her primary job is being a nanny. Why would she come in when the children weren't going to be there at all?

Here is an analogy: my account has always stamped and posted the return envelopes to the IRS for me. I pay him to do my tax return. What you did is the equivalent of asking my accountant to come into work just to stamp and post something for me.

OP here. We were not asking her to do anything other than her official duties, which include things like organizing the kids room and grocery shopping.

Normally she works 15 hours/week without the kids, so asking for half that time (one day) to focus on her regular duties seemed reasonable, especially since three weeks discretionary vacation is probably on the higher end.

We did not press it though, and let her get her way without much discussion.

I'm asking though so that I can make sense of her anger, and so that I know what the norm is for the future (whether with this nanny or another).

This is a tricky one. I see where you're coming from because her duties include things other than child care. I think it's reasonable to ask her to perform her typical duties one day. Does she normally organize the kids rooms? Because I don't think it's reasonable to expect her to do extra stuff just because it would help you out. With that being said, she told you she would not do this. So is it really worth having a resentful nanny on your hands? If she's a great nanny I think you should just accept that she isn't okay with you doing this and just give her a break.

I wouldn't have made that request.

We have school-age children so our full time nanny works several hours per day (15 hours per week) without the kids, doing things like kids' laundry, grocery shopping, cooking, etc.

When we recently went on vacation for a week, we suggested that she should come in one day while we were away to organize the kids' room, stock the kitchen pantry, etc. -- that we'd give the rest of the week off (4 days). However, she behaved like the suggestion was exploitative and refused to come in since we were away.

We already give three paid weeks of vacation a year at her discretion, so asking her to come in one day while we were away to do her regular non childcare duties did not seem unreasonable.

I know regular nannies get paid time off when their employers are away, but since her formal duties include work when the kids are at school, it felt appropriate to ask her to do some household duties.

What's the norm for those who employ nannies/household managers?

Thanks.