Your friend needs to quit but I feel so sorry for that poor little boy.
I would almost want to call CPS and say the Mother has a mental disorder and hasnt let the child out for 2.5 years.
Not sure its illegal but it may be neglect because its not healthy.

I feel bad for your friend. I feel worse for the kid - at least your friend can leave. And yes, I think that your friend needs to talk to the DB, even if it's as a part of leaving.

That MB is absolutely crippled with unrealistic with anxiety and that is not a good environment for your friend. Yes, she should be allowed out of the house with the child. This is a perfect example of nitpicky, super-anxious parenting- and I always think, if you are that anxious about it, why do you have a nanny?!?

She needs to quit. And the MB needs seious therapy, so she can at least get her anxiety down enough to enable her to drive a car. Yikes

I agree that this is really a mental illness issue, but since MB works from home, could she schedule a break one day to go with them to the park or somewhere else? Maybe then she would see that K is just as careful with the boy as she would be, and also allay her own fears about the park.

Anonymous wrote:She needs to get DB on board this is clearly a mental illness situation.

Agree 10000%. DB is probably unaware how extreme it is during the day.

My AP has another AP whose HF won't let her take the kids to the park or library either, and honestly I have no idea what is going on in the minds of these families. It is just insane to me that you'd instruct your child's caregiver to keep them locked up in the house - a single bedroom even! - day in & day out. That is not healthy. It is not good for their development. It is bound to cause behavioral problems. It is depressing. Do they even get to have playdates? Sounds like they don't. Crazy IMO.

My favorite part of having an AP is that she's free to take the kids to enriching activities - like playing at the park or story time at the library - when I'm at work. She does great with the kids at home too (we keep arts & crafts supplies stocked), but sometimes you've just gotta get out of the house.

She needs to get DB on board this is clearly a mental illness situation.

It really sounds like MB has agoraphobia, which is a serious mental illness and needs professional treatment. Where is the other parent in this situation? How are they ok with their son never leaving the house?

I see some pretty horrific home-life situations on a regular basis and am RARELY one to suggest a call to DCFS, but in your friend's case, either you or she needs to make a call.

I feel so sad foe this boy. K gets to move on, this child is stuck with this horribly mentally Ill mother.

Anonymous wrote:She needs to quit. The only way this MB will change is if a) she sees for herself that no sane nanny will work under these conditions and she is forced to seek the therapy she so obviously needs or b) her kid gets rickets.

No amount of sit-downs is going to change this and after 2 years she can't afford to burn that bridge. When MB sees that no one will take a job under these conditions, hopefully she will reevaluate, but your friend pointing out that she is being insane is not going to change anything other than how MB feels about her.

+1

She needs to quit. The only way this MB will change is if a) she sees for herself that no sane nanny will work under these conditions and she is forced to seek the therapy she so obviously needs or b) her kid gets rickets.

No amount of sit-downs is going to change this and after 2 years she can't afford to burn that bridge. When MB sees that no one will take a job under these conditions, hopefully she will reevaluate, but your friend pointing out that she is being insane is not going to change anything other than how MB feels about her.

I agree with PP. It is insane for K's MB to expect her to stay in a small room all day, everyday. When my DC and I are stuck inside the house all day due to weather I think we both go insane. We go outside as long as the weather isn't too extreme, so I couldn't imagine being locked up.

She needs to give it one last shot. She should do some research and explain the seriousness of DC not getting enough outdoor time and interaction with other children. Having a nanny is great, but kids need to be interacting with other children. If MB refuses to remedy the situation by even offering outdoor time 1-2 times per week for a few hours, I think K needs to find a new family no matter how much she loves DC.

So K has not been outside with the boy for over 2 years? Poor boy.

Your friend's MB has unnatural fears and expectation. If I were in her position, I would have one final sit-down with the MB and tell her how things must change or that I would be leaving. It is cruel to keep a child in the house all day and nearing abuse to keep the child in one room!

I've been a nanny for 12 years. One of my best friends has been a nanny for 9 years (she's a few years younger than me). She has been working with the same NF for 30 hours per week (5 days, 6 hours per day) for two years, and has been complaining to me about her crazy MB the whole time. I've tried to be a good listener and sympathetic, and give advice, but at this point, the way her MB treats her, and how unreasonable she's being, is really making my blood boil!! I already know that there isn't much to be done, and my friend just needs to quit (and she is rapidly approaching that point, trust me!), but...I want to share her story. I'm kind of hoping other nannies have stories about similar MBs; perhaps even someone has a story of an MB who was like this but eventually saw the light and came around? Unlikely perhaps, but anyway, here it is:

My friend, K, started this job when DS was 7 months old. MB works from home; the house is a bit small but there is a large family room with plenty of toys to play with on the main floor (same floor as MBs office), and DS has a rather large bedroom upstairs, and they have a decently sized back yard. MB told K that she had a great deal of anxiety, and especially so regarding her son. Although MB has a drivers license, she prefers not to drive and rarely does; she generally stays at home and only goes out when DB drives her around after work. MB told K that they had recently moved in, and were still feeling out the neighborhood, and preferred her to stay home with DS.

When DS was an infant, staying home wasn't too bad, obviously. But as time has gone on its been increasingly frustrating for both DS and K. As DS got more mobile and vocal, MB told K it was too much trouble for him to be playing on the main floor in the living room, and to stay upstairs. When K expressed concerns about this, especially since the weather often wasn't good enough for them to play outside in the yard at all, confining them only to his bedroom literally all day, MB responded by making some room in their unfinished basement for DS to play. That has also presented some problems because there are so many places he can go that are not safe for him down there, and no barriers preventing him from getting into things he shouldn't have. The actual play space is very small, and the ground is concrete (not safe for a toddler). Also K has mold allergies which act up in the basement, so they rarely use that space.

Eventually, MB told K that mealtimes were too disruptive (every time DS came downstairs so K could prepare him a meal or snack, he would knock on mommy's door and cry for her; and even when that didn't happen, he was just too noisy while eating), so MB decided to prepare every meal and snack for DS and bring it upstairs to his room at meal and snack times. So, K is literally stuck in the bedroom (roughly 15 x 15) all day every day with this toddler; they can't even come downstairs for a snack! As for the yard, even when the weather cooperates it is not a very exciting yard. It's about 20 x 20, fenced in, and just grass, not even a tree or anything. MB told K they were going to get a play structure several months ago but that hasn't happened.

Over the last year, K has casually mentioned the idea of taking DS for a walk around the neighborhood or a trip to the playground. Every time MB will immediately start talking about the alleged mugging incident which happened a few blocks away in broad daylight, once, over a year ago, and say that she feels uncomfortable with DS out of the house. When we talked about it last summer, K would tell me she was "sure that next year MB will feel more comfortable with it."

The most infuriating part of this, for me, is that there is a very lovely playground just four blocks from their home! For a while I was working with two little boys a few blocks away on the other side of the park, and I tried to plan meet ups at the park, but K could never convince MB to let her and DS join us. A couple times I brought my two charges over to their house for a play date, but the tiny bedroom K and DS are confined to was just too small for us to play in, and even with two new playmates to play with all the boys became bored of kicking the ball within a matter of minutes. And actually, for the record, yes, there was one mugging there, now 2+ years ago, but I know the neighborhood well and it's actually quite nice! It is not a bad or unsafe place AT ALL; it is mostly upper middle class families with young children.

Well, today has been very hot, and DS's room, being above the garage, is the hottest room in the house. K texted me, complaining about the heat, and I encouraged her to use it as a reason to get out to the park ("it's so hot up here; how would you feel if we just walked over to the park on 27th?") DS is now two and a half, and they've been working with K for over two years, so they have every reason to go to the park, and IMO, no good reason not to. I crossed my fingers that MB would come to her senses, but no, she texted K "last week at the store DS tried to bolt; he's definitely not ready to leave the house without me. Feel free to play in the yard or basement if you're too hot upstairs."

Ugh, my heart really sank when I heard that. I've told K she needs to have a real sit down talk with MB and explain that it isn't fair to K or DS to keep them cooped in the house (and unallowed to play on the main floor) all day every day, and that if MB doesn't agree then K needs to find a new job. K is always talking about how much she loves DS, but I know she knows being kept inside the way they are isn't right. I honestly don't know how K keeps her sanity; I would've quit a long time ago! I've worked with many nanny and babysitting clients over the years, and I have never worked with any so insane as to say we can never leave the house!

Has anyone here ever worked with an MB like this who stuck to her guns for a while but eventually relented? What finally changed her mind? Or is it just completely hopeless for K and she needs to quit like yesterday?

Sigh, poor K. :/