Anonymous wrote:OP here - 22:51 - why do you assume I'm not the mom most of the time or that working parents don't "step up?" The reason I'm so pressed for backup care is because I only work 20 hours per week so the time I'm there I really need to be there if at all possible. Also, as I said in the original post I don't get paid if I don't work so while we're still paying our nanny for that time because we respect her guaranteed hours, I'm not bringing in any income to offset that. I also take plenty of sick days when my kids are sick since they usually prefer to stay home with me, even though they love our nanny. Not everyone has an unlimited amount of sick time to spread out between myself, two kids and now another adult. Your comments are nasty and unnecessary. I don't know whether you're a nanny or an MB but I hope you don't talk to your children with that judgmental assuming tone.

Wow you only work 20 hours a week and you need all this help??? My mother and father both worked 50 hours a week and never had a nanny or sitter or backup. The current generation of parents is so lazy, it's no wonder all these overweight under-achieving kids are the result =/

OP here - 22:51 - why do you assume I'm not the mom most of the time or that working parents don't "step up?" The reason I'm so pressed for backup care is because I only work 20 hours per week so the time I'm there I really need to be there if at all possible. Also, as I said in the original post I don't get paid if I don't work so while we're still paying our nanny for that time because we respect her guaranteed hours, I'm not bringing in any income to offset that. I also take plenty of sick days when my kids are sick since they usually prefer to stay home with me, even though they love our nanny. Not everyone has an unlimited amount of sick time to spread out between myself, two kids and now another adult. Your comments are nasty and unnecessary. I don't know whether you're a nanny or an MB but I hope you don't talk to your children with that judgmental assuming tone.

Re: backup care, at some point in your childs life you WILL have to step up and be the mom. When nanny is out maybe you should take a sick day.

15:41 again - OP, in my experience the back-up care nanny services do open very early, at least by 7am, but that doesn't guarantee some one can get to your home by 9am, so it's not a sure fire solution. I've utilized the back-up nanny option and is it a bit weird having a stranger come to your house for only one day. I've thought about getting a nanny cam that I would put on only for the one day back-up nannies - haven't done it, but I have thought about it just to have extra reassurance. In reality though, every single one of the back-up nannies has been a home nurse aid worker who normally takes care of severely disabled clients - they're more than capable of playing blocks with my kid and making a PB&J sandwich without loosing their cool. On days that I was able to work from home and hear what's going on downstairs, everything was very happy & smooth. It's weird - I totally get that - but it's worked out well.

OP, former director of a backup center with Bright Horizons here: let me explain the Bright Horizons backup care options:

1. Backup Care Advantage is probably what your company (or your husband's) has. You call the 800# where a telephone rep is available 24 hours/day (or at least VERY early in AM and VERY late in PM - so call even at 5:30am when you get these calls, or 7am or.... ) who will take the info and start working immediately to find backup care for what you need.

At the highest level of backup care (not all companies have it all, they will have varying options) the phone rep will call nanny agencies; backup centers run by Bright Horizons; regular centers run by Bright Horizons and regular centers in suburban towns that contract to offer backup care for BH clients but aren't BH centers.

Anyway, they call and find out whether there is space for your child/children. As a director, I used to arrive in the morning to plenty of voicemails and I'd start returning calls to tell whether we had space or not. There is even a nifty computer system that allows us to do this online and not via phone calls, which has cut down the wait time for voicemails, callbacks, etc. But that is beside the point.

Once they find all the options they can, they call you back and you choose. They can do this the night before, the day of, and of course it's even better if you have a week or more notice. But yes, call them that morning or the night before you need care!

2. You might have Backup care through Bright Horizons, but it might not be as comprehensive as I listed above, so you might only have access to backup centers that BH runs, or also to nanny agencies, or perhaps just BH centers - both regular ones and backup only centers. But whatever, you have some options.

What most BH centers do NOT offer is regular old drop in - so you call them directly - because they have to be ready to take the backup clients' children. But occasionally some BH centers offer drop in care (but the rate will be much higher than if you went through backup care that your company offers)

Now, all this being said, if you are taking your child to a center, you'll need to be able to provide them with updated health forms from your pediatrician for all children (updated yearly), emergency contact information, personal info form, and other forms.

BEST PRACTICE is to contact that 800# now, and get the forms completed that you can complete and get those ready to bring a copy of to the center, or submit directly to a BH backup center if you work only with them. Then call your pediatrician and get a health form completed and sent to you now (this can take up to 10 days to receive) - all pediatricians have the form for their state and can provide this to you... but if you live in MD or VA and take your child to a center located in either DC, you'll need the form completed on a DC form (this is DC's licensing rule) so ask for a form to be completed for both states if you think you'd use both states' backup options. Better to have too much than too little.

Why are these medical forms needed? Because it's a licensing regulation, and even though your child is going for one day or one week, the center must comply with all licensing regulatiosn for all children.

Will your child like backup care? How will your child do? Honestly, if your child si going to a backup center, those teachers are really used to having backup children and are used to meeting them where they are. There are likely to be fewer children there, and they will have a fun day playign with toys, going for a walk, singing songs, painting, using playdough, etc.

To help your child, do take a comfort item (blankie, lovey, pacifier, stuffed animal, and for infants and toddlers, send bottles, extra clothing, diapers, wipes, baby food, table food your child LOVES, pacifier, etc.

I bet your child will love it! If you use the same center multiple times (and you can request to use a specific center but of course they might be full) your child willl get to know those teachers and build a relationship with them. It's great for those with nannies! We often saw children when the nanny was sick, on vacation, had a doctor's appt. We also see SAHM's kids when the SAHM was sick, had jury duty, had a doctor's appt where the child shouldn't go, etc. And of course kids on spring break from school, etc. A BH backup center is licensed from newborn to 13 years old so takes many school-agers during spring break, christmas break, and all those 100s of times school is closed.

The real key is that backup care doesn't consist of "my backup plan;" it needs to consist of plans A, B, C and ideally also D. The exact configuration will vary, but e.g.:

Plan A: 24-hr notice to work backup care
Plan B: backup through an agency
Plan C: College students X or Y who sometimes babysit
Plan D: SAHM friends 1 or 2
Plan E: you stay home

OP again - glad to know this is stressful for others as well. It seems like some people have so many options lined up and I don't even know where to start. I only work part time so usually DS and I would split the day like PP suggested but he travels and today happens to be a day he's away so maybe it's just too much to even try to find something on such short notice? I can't imagine an agency even opens before 8:30 or 9 at which point it's pretty much moot anyway for me. I'm also a little sketched out by meeting a random person (even through an agency) then leaving them with my kids for the day. I could probably get past that but not sure how my kids would feel about it! Maybe this is just one of the downsides of having a nanny vs. a center? The pros definitely outweigh it for us, just not today Thanks all!

Anonymous wrote:OP here - thanks for the ideas. We have two kids under 4 so I have contemplated neighbors but they all have their own kids so it feels like two much to add to the mix. We do have backup childcare through DH's employer but they say they need 24hrs notice to find someone. We're outside of DC so there isn't a center we can drop them at that's covered by the program. Is the 24 hr. thing not the case with nanny agencies? I'd be happy to sign up for one in circumstances like this. Can they send someone in the morning on a few hours notice? So today for example, I got the text at 7 and I was supposed to be at work at 9:30. Is that even possible? I think I'm maybe more stressed about it because in addition to the financial aspect, I've recently started a new job so I'm worried about missing a lot of time, especially with no notice. Keep the ideas coming and thanks to all!

When there's so little notice, they try to find some one but there's no guarantee. I've only had to call the morning of once and they tried, but couldn't find anyone to come before noon - at that point, it wasn't worth it to me so I just took the day off.

Big name centers, like Bright Horizons and KinderCare often do have one or more locations within a major metro area that takes drop-ins. You have to register your kid in advance, call as soon as they open, and if they have room for your kid that great - you're in luck, but again it's no guarantee. Sometimes you're just out of luck - my husband and I have split the day to cover when we both couldn't afford to be out for the day.

OP, I have a couple of levels of backup options, but one that I've used (and that can help within a few hours often) is MetroParentRelief. I've had them send someone the same day, and pretty easily with even night before notice.

I definitely would use your neighborhood listserv also - not that it can help you for today, but let folks know that you're looking to establish some back-up care options and want to know if there's anyone in the neighborhood who might be:
- a college kid w/ occasional days free
- a family with a live-in nanny or housekeeper who might be able to pick up some occasional hours
- a retired person who could be an option in a pinch for even part of a day
- a professional nanny who might be willing to take your kids for some portion of time (with payment and their employer's approval of course)

etc...

This is easily one of the most stressful parts of parenting for me. I feel your pain!

OP here - thanks for the ideas. We have two kids under 4 so I have contemplated neighbors but they all have their own kids so it feels like two much to add to the mix. We do have backup childcare through DH's employer but they say they need 24hrs notice to find someone. We're outside of DC so there isn't a center we can drop them at that's covered by the program. Is the 24 hr. thing not the case with nanny agencies? I'd be happy to sign up for one in circumstances like this. Can they send someone in the morning on a few hours notice? So today for example, I got the text at 7 and I was supposed to be at work at 9:30. Is that even possible? I think I'm maybe more stressed about it because in addition to the financial aspect, I've recently started a new job so I'm worried about missing a lot of time, especially with no notice. Keep the ideas coming and thanks to all!

Ask your employer if they have an employee assistance program. They don't advertize their back-up care childcare benefits generally, but a lot of employers offer it - either subsidized or not, but at least there's an option in finding the actual care.

My employer provides 5 subsidized days of childcare per year for each kid, and unlimited days in non-subsidized back-up care provision. My husband's employer provides 15 days of subsidized center-based care, which is physically located at his employer, so we have to drive in and drop the kids off - less convenient than a back-up nanny but still a great benefit and fun for the older kid.

1. My friend from grad school has a widowed and retired dad. I prefer to only give him one kid, or a half day, but he's an option.
2. My neighbor works from home and is happy to be "an adult in the house" while the kids are sleeping, and otherwise will watch them in a hospital-style emergency.
3. Two mom-friends from my playgroup are SAHMs and have said they will watch the kids if we get stuck without our nanny.
4. As long as DH doesn't have a client meeting he can work from home. And since it's his business, he only has to answer to his partner if there's a problem.
5. If we have advance notice, we can fly in my in-laws who are always happy for more baby time.

White House Nannies?

A lot of companies that provide in-home nurse & nurse assistants also provide back-up childcare services. Nanny placement agencies also offer back-up care packages - you pay an annual fee for membership and then pay per day for the nanny service you actually use.

There also are back-up care daycare facilities. Some in-home providers advertise themselves as offering drop in care, because the providers aren't interesting in being open year round, M-F for 10 or 11 hours a day. To find those options, ask on your neighborhood listserve.

We also have a roster of babysitters who are college students & don't have class everyday, so they can sometimes come in with little notice and my kids already know them.

I always see nannies saying MB's should have it, and I think it's a great idea but not sure how it works in practice. We do have a backup care option through work but they require at least 24 hrs. notice which isn't ever really practical if our nanny is sick. This morning she texted that she has a stomach bug and DH is traveling so I was scrambling to cancel everything on my calendar. I only get paid if I go to work so in addition to the disruption, it also means a loss of income. Of course I'm not upset with her in any way, no one can help getting sick, and I would never ask her to work if not feeling well, but just wondering if there's something we could do last minute to cover hours? We do have a few occasional babysitters but they work or go to school during the week so they can't come on a moment's notice. We don't have local family or friends so any ideas?