Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would speak to your Mom Boss + let her know that things are always a little more challenging when she is around vs. when you are alone w/him.

Tell her that it is no reflection on her at all, but that perhaps it would be better if you arrived a little later in the morning so that when you arrive, she leaves for work shortly after.

If she says that she needs you there for that time so she can get ready for work, then ask her if she has any advice herself on what can be done to make this time easier for you.

As your boss, I would assume that she would not want to make your job any harder than it already is.

Good luck.

So just band-aid the situation instead of solving it? Sounds like exactly the reason we have kids with behavior problems when they start school. My two charges see mom and dad often while I am working because dad works from home 100% and mom does occasionally and I have never ever had a change in behavior either way. You should use your nanny skills to fix this issue instead of complaining about it. I thought nannies were supposed to be experts, unlike the parents.

Woah, talk about being unfair. My nanny skills are fine, but mom is impeding on my ability to use them by stepping in. My charge has great behavior when she is not around.

Yes, I'm sure all thanks to you. But the point you seem to be missing is there is X situation where your charge does NOT have good behavior, and your professional suggestion is "mom please don't stay in your home."

You are not helping your charge correct his behavior, you are catering to him to avoid the behaviors. Think about it a bit.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would speak to your Mom Boss + let her know that things are always a little more challenging when she is around vs. when you are alone w/him.

Tell her that it is no reflection on her at all, but that perhaps it would be better if you arrived a little later in the morning so that when you arrive, she leaves for work shortly after.

If she says that she needs you there for that time so she can get ready for work, then ask her if she has any advice herself on what can be done to make this time easier for you.

As your boss, I would assume that she would not want to make your job any harder than it already is.

Good luck.

So just band-aid the situation instead of solving it? Sounds like exactly the reason we have kids with behavior problems when they start school. My two charges see mom and dad often while I am working because dad works from home 100% and mom does occasionally and I have never ever had a change in behavior either way. You should use your nanny skills to fix this issue instead of complaining about it. I thought nannies were supposed to be experts, unlike the parents.

Woah, talk about being unfair. My nanny skills are fine, but mom is impeding on my ability to use them by stepping in. My charge has great behavior when she is not around.

Anonymous wrote:I would speak to your Mom Boss + let her know that things are always a little more challenging when she is around vs. when you are alone w/him.

Tell her that it is no reflection on her at all, but that perhaps it would be better if you arrived a little later in the morning so that when you arrive, she leaves for work shortly after.

If she says that she needs you there for that time so she can get ready for work, then ask her if she has any advice herself on what can be done to make this time easier for you.

As your boss, I would assume that she would not want to make your job any harder than it already is.

Good luck.

So just band-aid the situation instead of solving it? Sounds like exactly the reason we have kids with behavior problems when they start school. My two charges see mom and dad often while I am working because dad works from home 100% and mom does occasionally and I have never ever had a change in behavior either way. You should use your nanny skills to fix this issue instead of complaining about it. I thought nannies were supposed to be experts, unlike the parents.

I would speak to your Mom Boss + let her know that things are always a little more challenging when she is around vs. when you are alone w/him.

Tell her that it is no reflection on her at all, but that perhaps it would be better if you arrived a little later in the morning so that when you arrive, she leaves for work shortly after.

If she says that she needs you there for that time so she can get ready for work, then ask her if she has any advice herself on what can be done to make this time easier for you.

As your boss, I would assume that she would not want to make your job any harder than it already is.

Good luck.

I really doubt he was crying in pain.

As an employer myself, I can't understand why this mom has you coming an hour before she needs you. Why cause these problems?

Nannies, I don't know how you do it with these clueless parents. When my kids were little, I worked from home. Whenever I left the office I REFUSED to make a decision, acknowledge a tantrum, mediate a fight, or cave to a demand. I would repeat the refrain that when Sarah is here she is the boss. I'm not. It didn't take long for the kids to realize that they were going to get nowhere with me. This made it much easier foe me to come out of the office and enjoy a pleasant lunch with the kids.

I'm in this position too and despite and gentle reminders to my MB and DB I've learned that I just have to suck it up for an hour each morning. it's tough, especially first thing in the morning, but there is really nothing else I can do.

Anonymous wrote:MB here. I get that mom shouldn't have come during the time out. But, really, only a monster would hear their child crying in pain and not run over to make sure they are okay. I am sure that rationally she knows that you have it handled, but some things are not really rational.

I think that maybe you could just go into a conversation open ended, and tell her that you don't think that things are going well in the mornings and ask what it is that she wants you to do in order to make things more routine. That way you two are on the same page.

I think it's possible that she is annoyed with the way you are handling those situations as well. I have an au pair and a PT babysitter one morning a week. With my au pair, mornings are how you describe. She doesn't seem to know what to do when I am there, can't really adjust when things aren't going according to her schedule, and it's just chaos. With my babysitter, things are much smoother. She immediately takes charge. She may or may not do the dishes right then or get them dressed. Her main priority right then is keeping the kids occupied with something fun while I finish getting dressed. She does dishes and gets them dressed later. That way, if I run into the room because I forgot my cell phone or want to give my children a kiss goodbye, the kids aren't crying and asking to come with me. They are too busy.

OP here, thanks for the feedback and advice.

I want to address what you said, PP. It's not that I don't know what to do when she is around. I'm perfectly capable of handling the morning routine and getting things taken care of. If I would let my charge do what he wanted and play, all would be fine. But we have a morning schedule and school to get to. The problem comes when I ask him to do unprefered tasks and he cries for his mom. Instead of staying out of things or telling her son he needs to listen, she swoops in and gives him what he wants. It's hard to do your job when things like that happen!

MB here. I get that mom shouldn't have come during the time out. But, really, only a monster would hear their child crying in pain and not run over to make sure they are okay. I am sure that rationally she knows that you have it handled, but some things are not really rational.

I think that maybe you could just go into a conversation open ended, and tell her that you don't think that things are going well in the mornings and ask what it is that she wants you to do in order to make things more routine. That way you two are on the same page.

I think it's possible that she is annoyed with the way you are handling those situations as well. I have an au pair and a PT babysitter one morning a week. With my au pair, mornings are how you describe. She doesn't seem to know what to do when I am there, can't really adjust when things aren't going according to her schedule, and it's just chaos. With my babysitter, things are much smoother. She immediately takes charge. She may or may not do the dishes right then or get them dressed. Her main priority right then is keeping the kids occupied with something fun while I finish getting dressed. She does dishes and gets them dressed later. That way, if I run into the room because I forgot my cell phone or want to give my children a kiss goodbye, the kids aren't crying and asking to come with me. They are too busy.

I wish parents new and understood the pain and frustration they cause their children when they hang around.

I'm a mom and we have this dynamic also. It's tough to manage.

I'd suggest talking w/ the mother and telling her how much her presence creates a challenge for the boy - he's torn between the two of you and doesn't know how to manage that. Suggest some solutions to her (like a goodbye/separation ritual you both adhere to, or a "come only if you hear me say 'maybe Mommy will come help' or things like that...)

Let her know that you'd like to try to work on making transitions easier for him (and that this is a really common dynamic) and then suggest a few ideas and see if she's comfortable with any of them, or has any ideas of her own.

Perhaps in the moment of something like this morning's time out, you both can step aside for a moment (since a TO should provide an audience anyway) and just reassuringly let her know that it's not like this all day, he's just putting on a show for her. That's a gentle way of letting her know she's not needed, but it doesn't scold her either.

I've been working as a full time nanny to a great little 2 and a half year old boy since August of last year. He transitioned from the care of his old nanny to me very well and is a pretty relaxed and easy toddler. I start work at 8, but often his mom stays around for 45 minutes to an hour, making breakfast for him and getting ready for her day. I try to get my charge engaged and ready, but when mommy is around, that is who he wants. I get very little back-up from her, and it's getting incredibly frustrating. For example, this morning I tried to take him upstairs to get dressed, he didn't want to go and hit me, so we stopped to do a time-out. He was angry and threw his head back into the wall, which made him upset. Mom came in from the kitchen to intervene (which I didn't need) and did make him finish his time-out. Then we proceeded to go upstairs and get dressed, but my charge demanded mommy come with us, so of course she did.

I don't have these kinds of problems with him when it's just the two of us. He's two, so of course he doesn't listen to everything I say, but he knows what is expected. When mom is around he's a whiny terror and makes everything difficult. I know his parents are extremely happy with how I handle him, so the issue is not there. I just don't think there is a good way to say to my MB that's she's stepping on my toes in a major way. I'd be happy to get my charges breakfast together (and do when she's out of town), but she likes to do it herself. Any suggestions on how to deal with this?