Anonymous wrote:Here is my opinion - there is no such thing as a nanny/housekeeper. You are either one or the other.

And I don't like you, OP, and can't quite put my finger on why.

- signed an MB with an actual nanny and a separate cleaning service who never gets the two confused.

I know why I don't like the OP because she likes it that she doesn't have to pay OT. FYI, OP, your nanny/housekeeper cannot decide to work OT and not get paid. If she is live-in , you do not pay 1.5 OT but, by law, you must pay straight time.

Anonymous wrote:We got a new live in nanny/housekeeper last week. So far she is great. She works past her hours and told us she does not want overtime so that was a plus for us. I have an issue which I am not sure how to address. We like family time but don't want her to feel unwanted either. Once her shift is done at 7pm, she sticks around in the family room watching TV with kids or on her laptop/phone. If the baby cries/screams or even climbs something, she will do nothing about it. I know she is off, but if she decides to stick around with the family, I think it is only normal that she acts like a member of one. For example if baby cries or does something dangerous and I am not there to correct, then any of my kids are expected to respond, so Is it too much to expect her to do the same?

I am afraid that if I ask her to go to her room, she might feel unwanted/unappreciated, but if she continues to stick around and continues to be like this with my kids (only normal my younger kids will ask her for something if she is there...I can not explain to them that she is off so come see me), I will only build an annoyance towards it/her.

Would love to hear your opinions please. Am I over reacting?

Yes you are over reacting .

This is the reason we didn't go with a live-in OP. I think I would feel much the same way as you. It's churlish to expect someone to scurry into their room when their workday is over, but I really like having my family to myself in the evenings.

I'm not sure there is an easy solution for you. It's the kind of conversation that's easier to have when hiring, and when you don't have personal relationships yet, than after you have hired and it's becoming an issue.

I'm a poster who mentioned I don't cross boundaries when I'm off work. What I meant by that is if on a weekend I go upstairs to make lunch and a child wants some milk I tell them to ask their parents. It's not my place to give them milk if I'm not working. I also don't know the dynamics of the day. Had they just asked their parents 5 minutes earlier and they said no. If I'm not working I don't take care of kids. Now if I see a 2 yr old has somehow gotten ahold of a sharp knife yes I take it away.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Here is my opinion - there is no such thing as a nanny/housekeeper. You are either one or the other.

And I don't like you, OP, and can't quite put my finger on why.

- signed an MB with an actual nanny and a separate cleaning service who never gets the two confused.

Don't like me????? Not sure why, but sorry you feel that way. Seems like you are a pretty bitter person to judge someone you don't even know so quickly.

Here in Canada we lots of people that have nanny/housekeeper. One of us is home everyday as we homeschool the kids, so main responsibilities of our lady is to clean and maintain the home so we can concentrate on teaching and raising our kids. she helps with the baby and she is ok/agrees with that. This was part of her job description before she started.

As for her taking care of my kids or cleaning up after them when she is off duty, I never expected her to, but at same time I didn't expect her to hang out with us after hours. What do you mean by I don't cross boundaries?

Another MB here and I don't like you either, OP, and I am not at all bitter. There is something in the tone of your post that seems very unpleasant and condescending.

I wouldn't worry if I were you - I doubt this nanny/housekeeper will stay with you for very long anyway.

The OP already said she would pay for overtime and I work for 15-30 mins past my shift without expecting my employer to pay me. As a live in nanny I understand that my employer needs family time and it should not stop because I live in their house. I respect their space just like they respect mine

OP, you made the choice to employ a live-in so therefore you will have to make some serious compromises here.

As a live-in, she is living in your home meaning your home is now HER home as well. She isn't just a houseguest, correct? So after she finishes her work day, then I think she is entitled to hang out in the common area(s) and do what she likes. It would be unfair to ask her to go to her room and/or limit her to only a small portion of your home.

And since she had the kids all day long, she is no longer responsible if they act up and/or get in to anything. She is no longer "on the clock" so do not expect her to be your ears and eyes all the time just because she is around.

That is pure nonsense.

Tell your kids that after such and such time, the nanny/housekeeper is technically off duty, so she is no longer responsible for them. It is now her time to relax and if they need anything, they are to ask you. If they hurt themselves, then it is YOUR responsibility, not HERS.

I think you want her around for convenience, mostly your own only.

I mean...You obviously are already getting a great deal from her. You are not paying her any overtime pay.

What more do you want??

Anonymous wrote:I would never allow a nanny to work overtime without payment. Despite the fact that you claim she said you don't have to pay her overtime, that's wrong and sets up a weird dynamic.

I have no problem telling my three year old "Debbie is off duty now; so she's relaxing by watching and I'll help you with your bath."

Have you given your nanny a tv in her living space?

We provided her with laptop and live stream to tv in her home country. As for overtime we are not abusing her. I was talking about 15-30 mins. On two days. I mentioned I would pay her overtime but she said it was her pleasure. It was an appreciative gesture. If she were to work an hour or several hours, for sure I would pay her overtime. It's only fair

She has a newly built 250+sq ft bedroom and newly built bathroom. Not some crummy dungeon room. we are not cruel employers that looking to treat her like a slave. If I was I would not be here trying to get other people's views on it or a way to tell her nicely that i would like family time also and would rather her go out on days off or spend in her room. She is always welcomed to come and spend some time with us I just would like to have the weekend with my family also

I would never allow a nanny to work overtime without payment. Despite the fact that you claim she said you don't have to pay her overtime, that's wrong and sets up a weird dynamic.

I have no problem telling my three year old "Debbie is off duty now; so she's relaxing by watching and I'll help you with your bath."

Have you given your nanny a tv in her living space?

Does she have an actual separate apartment or just some dumpy room in your house. If an apartment it's ok to expect her to spend most of her off time there. If some crummy little room, then you're WAY out of line to expect her to spend off hours there. Further, you're out of line to expect her to do anything with your kids after her shift ends. She did her job and she gets time off. Put your kid in a playpen or high chair of they need supervision you can't provide. Obviously if something is life threatening she should step in but otherwise, no. Also, you should be telling her to stop at 7 or else pay extra for the extra time.

Anonymous wrote:Here is my opinion - there is no such thing as a nanny/housekeeper. You are either one or the other.

And I don't like you, OP, and can't quite put my finger on why.

- signed an MB with an actual nanny and a separate cleaning service who never gets the two confused.

Don't like me????? Not sure why, but sorry you feel that way. Seems like you are a pretty bitter person to judge someone you don't even know so quickly.

Here in Canada we lots of people that have nanny/housekeeper. One of us is home everyday as we homeschool the kids, so main responsibilities of our lady is to clean and maintain the home so we can concentrate on teaching and raising our kids. she helps with the baby and she is ok/agrees with that. This was part of her job description before she started.

As for her taking care of my kids or cleaning up after them when she is off duty, I never expected her to, but at same time I didn't expect her to hang out with us after hours. What do you mean by I don't cross boundaries?

I'm a live in nanny. I don't hang out with my nf after work but I do eat dinner with them most days. If one of my charges is going to be injured and I see it while off work then yes of course I step it but that's it. I don't cross boundaries when off duty.

Here is my opinion - there is no such thing as a nanny/housekeeper. You are either one or the other.

And I don't like you, OP, and can't quite put my finger on why.

- signed an MB with an actual nanny and a separate cleaning service who never gets the two confused.

We got a new live in nanny/housekeeper last week. So far she is great. She works past her hours and told us she does not want overtime so that was a plus for us. I have an issue which I am not sure how to address. We like family time but don't want her to feel unwanted either. Once her shift is done at 7pm, she sticks around in the family room watching TV with kids or on her laptop/phone. If the baby cries/screams or even climbs something, she will do nothing about it. I know she is off, but if she decides to stick around with the family, I think it is only normal that she acts like a member of one. For example if baby cries or does something dangerous and I am not there to correct, then any of my kids are expected to respond, so Is it too much to expect her to do the same?

I am afraid that if I ask her to go to her room, she might feel unwanted/unappreciated, but if she continues to stick around and continues to be like this with my kids (only normal my younger kids will ask her for something if she is there...I can not explain to them that she is off so come see me), I will only build an annoyance towards it/her.

Would love to hear your opinions please. Am I over reacting?