I'm a nanny. I would fire her.

* confrontational

I did text her twice, one after 2 hours of not hearing from her, and a 2nd time an hour after.

Both families have had prior confrational issues with the nanny, and we had given her a 2 month notice to allow enough time to look for a new job. Both familes chose an Au Pairs, we just didn't do the daycare, the other family are doing both the daycare and an Au Pair.

There are always two sides to a story, and I am not claiming we are the perfect family, nor will we ever claim that. But needless to say she still lied about her whereabouts while with our child for no good reason.

Anonymous wrote:What would you do if you contacted your nanny, who is with your child, and did not respond to you until hours later?

Given that she had been your trusted nanny for the previous 16 months, driving by her house when you haven't heard back after 3 hours is quite extreme. Did you try texting a second time, or calling her?

There has to be more to this story than you are telling us. If, up until yesterday, you thought she was great, then why did the other share family decide to put their kid(s) in daycare and you decide to get an au pair all of a sudden?? It really isn't adding up. There must have been some previous indication that she wasn't a great nanny. After all, au pairs cost almost as much as a full time nanny so if the other family had decided to put their kid in daycare (presumably to save money?), and you were otherwise happy with the nanny then why wouldn't you just offer to hire her yourself instead of choosing to seek out an au pair (which as I've already mentioned is costly, but also a very intensive process of bringing a young foreign person into your home)???

Definitely fishy, to say the least.

Thanks for the advice I will look up "paragraph"

as for driving by her house, she didn't respond to my text or call until 3 hours later, the first place he looked was her house. He did not sit there for 3 hours he came back after running errands, and saw that her car was still there.

What would you do if you contacted your nanny, who is with your child, and did not respond to you until hours later?

Anonymous wrote:I'm not on nanny's side here because obviously she's a liar; but doesn't anyone find it strange that the husband "drove by" nanny's house? Why did he figure she'd he there? And sitting outside for hours? That's just creepy!

Yes, there are a LOT of things about this story that seem very "off" to me...

I'm not on nanny's side here because obviously she's a liar; but doesn't anyone find it strange that the husband "drove by" nanny's house? Why did he figure she'd he there? And sitting outside for hours? That's just creepy!

What is there to advise of? She quit. It's over. Move on. What else would there be to do?

I think you need to look up "paragraph" and start using them.

SO you were letting nanny go anyway in favor of having an AP?

If so, be glad that you now know what a jerk your former nanny is, and that you have other care arriving soon. Be factual in reference giving, as a PP above suggested, and let nanny know you need your belongings back asap.Once you have your car seat/keys/etc, give her the last 2 days of pay she earned and say good bye.

OMG, what a book, OP.

This nanny lied inexcusably. Be glad she's gone. Be glad no harm came to your child. Be honest with future references but just be factual.

The entire story can be summed up as "Nanny took a sick child out against our explicit directions and then lied to us about where she was all day." So we fired her.

End of story. The rest is needless drama (thankfully!) It could have been far worse.

I think you should call the other family back to save them the trouble and heartache of being in the same situation. I've also dealt with bad childcare situations and the pattern I see in what you describe looks a lot like what I've learned is a huge red flag: deny/lie, defend, and deflect/turn around back to you & your faulty parenting. It often is recognizable in much more innocent issues, like if you ask about the frequency of diaper changes and the nanny's reaction is deny ("I don't let the kid sit in a dirty diaper"), defend ("I change the diaper six times a day. I don't know what's causing this rash!"), and then close with deflect & blame ("It's these poor quality diapers. You really need to buy the organic ones instead. They're so much better than these cheep ones. I don't know why you buy them.") If you ever see this kind of crazy, blown out of proportion reaction to anything mundane, then you know they're lying about not only that but just about everything else.

Sorry you went through that OP.

Sounds fine but at some point I would have knocked on the door and taken my child.

our nanny that had been with us for 16 months in a nanny share she quit on us yesterday because we caught her in a lie. We were willing to accept her mistake, and let her finish her week but instead she walked out angry and insulting our family for accusing her.

The other family was the host, so we would drop him off Mon-Thursday. Recently the other family put their child in daycare, and also got an Au Pair to do drop offs, and pick ups. The nanny was scheduled to care for our child this week, as our Au Pair arrives at the end of this week. Since she rarely care for the children at our house, I never saw anything out of the ordinary. Based on my kids demeanor, she was always good with the kids. Although the last few times she came to our home, and as recent as yesterday I noticed that she would leave the house within an hour after I left, and would be out all day with my child. Yesterday morning at 10am I sent her text requesting that she stay home with my child because he was still sick, I did not here from her until 1:30pm (I was concerned, and worried something may have happened) my husband happen to get out of work early because he wasn't feeling good himself, and decided to drive by her place, to our surprise her car was there. When our nanny finally replied 3 hours later, she apologized, and said that she had left her phone in the car, I asked where my child was napping and she said in the car seat in her car while she was driving around. All while my husband was sitting outside her home watching her car parked outside with no one in it. Since she had been so good with the boys he decided to leave, and run some errands when he was done he drove by her home again at 4pm, and her car was still parked outside. At this point my husband decided to text her, and let her know that he was off work early, and if they were home (our home) this was at 4:03 at 4:23pm she responded with that they were in Alexandria playing but they could leave early. My husband could not believe his ears, and decided to wait until she walked out of her home (just to make our son was really with her - note she does not live in Alexandria no where near it). My husband made it home before she did, and when she arrived, my husband (very calmly - unlike me) asked her how her day went, and what she did. She made up this elaborate story about how they were out playing all day, when my husband informed her that he drove by her house and saw her car outside, she immediately became defensive, and started screaming at my husband about how he didn't trust her. He simply told her that we were concerned because she did not respond right away, and grew even more concerned that she would live about being at her house. (We have no issue with her being at her home with our child, but why lie about for no good reason). She expressed to my husband that she did not have to tell him every detail of her day, and he corrected her informed her that she was on our watch with OUR child, yes she did. She quit of course, and is no playing the victim, this is not the first incident we have had with this nanny, anytime an issues arises she gets defensive, and offended and blames us for being unreasonable. I recently had a possible employer call me for a reference, and although I was quite honest about my personal experience with this nanny, I feel that I should contact them again so they don't make the same mistake. Please advise. Thank you!