Anonymous wrote:I have a 1 year old and 4 year old. My nanny has been with us for 4 months. She works for us part-time (2 - 3 days). Is it normal for the kids to look unhappy or act unhappy when the nanny arrives in the morning? My 1 year old is particularly attached to me and clings when she arrives. My older one sort of sulks and doesn't say much. I believe they are fine when I am not around. Is this behavior normal because they see her and associate her with my departure for work? I am certain that she is not mistreating the kids, but I wonder if this is a sign of a bad fit. Or would this happen with any caretaker? Is being part-time part of the issue? The kids are with me on the other days.

It's absolutely normal when nanny works part time especially when the kids are 1 and up.
It's different scenarios with newborn since they are more attach .

So you are there an extended time when nanny arrives.

If possible change things so you leave immediately when nanny comes or as soon as nanny comes your "off duty" so to speak.

I'm thinking this is a case of you needing to step back.

That means nanny helps daughter get ready etc. not if she fusses and tantrums enough mom will give in

As for your youngest, he is at an age prime for separation anxiety.

I think it's pretty normal for your youngest one. My 16mo has been going through these weird stages of only wanting mom, dad or me for a week or so since he turned one. He screams bloody murder but eventually calms down and is happy with whomever he has. I know other 1-1,5yo kids often have trouble transitioning.

With your 4yo, it seems like he doesn't spend all that much time with the nanny, maybe they're just not clicking or haven't had time to bond yet. Perhaps suggest some one on one things she could do with him to help with that.

Thank you for all the quick responses. I think everyone is making great points. I am pretty certain the kids are not being ignored or neglected. I've talked to her about trying to establish a more close bond with the kids too. She definitely tries in her way, but I also think part of it is just her personality. She's a wonderful person, very caring, responsible and came with great references. She takes direction and communicates pretty well. However, if I have to nitpick...she is not (on a scale of playfulness) a extremely playful, animated, energetic nanny. That doesn't mean she sits at home with them...she likes to take the kids out and do activities (My Gym, playgrounds, etc) and I think they really enjoy that. She does not spend time on the cell phone (that's a hard rule in my house). My oldest does not complain about her at the end of the day and is happy about the activities they do. In the morning, my oldest makes it clear that she wants me to help her get dressed and ready for school and brush her teeth instead of the nanny. Each morning is a struggle because when I'm around, trying to get ready for work, my children make a fuss and I know it makes it difficult for her. As soon as I leave, however, I think things settle down quite a bit. Still, it makes me wonder if this would happen with any nanny or if it's a bad fit. I just don't think my kids (older or younger) have formed a tight bond with her. Is it a bad bond? No, my kids are not afraid of her. Maybe it's the part-time nature of her schedule? I should mention that my oldest is in pre-school every morning, which limits the time they spend together. My youngest doesn't speak yet but I think he is neutral. He doesn't dislike her...he just seems to understand that when she shows up, I leave. I think that is probably normal for his developmental stage?

I always started with infants because bonding is simpler and quicker. My charges have a great routine with me and I always made transitions a stress less experience so they never cry or cling unless it's someone they don't know or they are sick. I also give them lots of independence and make sure they are comfortable around new people.

I'm not an overly affectionate person but I love my charges in my own way and they adore me. For a short period of time they cried when I left. They also talk about me all weekend and ask to call me. However, they are used to my personality and routine. Older children who don't know me either take to me quickly because I respect their space or they dislike me because I'm not coddling them and set high expectations on behavior.
I guess you need to analyze your children's personalities compared to the nanny's. It could just be that they don't want you to go or it might just me a personality clash. But it might be good experience for your children to learn to mesh people that are different, as long as the nanny is still attempting to bond.

I think it's a combination of personalities of your kids and fit with the nanny. I recently quit a job after four months because the girl was like you describe. It just wasn't a good personality match. She would scream and cry when her mom left in the morning, dad worked from home and she didn't scream for him but clearly preferred him. When no one else was around we had a great time, but I just couldn't stand the transition anymore and felt like she deserved a caregiver who was excited to see her and that person wasn't me anymore. There were other problems too,but mainly our personalities were mismatched. I moved on to a new family and haven't had any issues.

Posted to quickly, but children are also sensitive to our moods so if they sense you getting sad when it's time for nanny to arrive that translates to them.

How are they when you return home?

How do you do goodbyes in the morning?


It may not be a bad sign some children have a harder time with transitions than others and are more sensitive.
When mine were little I had to learn to make that time in the morning short and sweet, literally hand the baby to the nanny give a kiss and be out the door 5 minutes or less.

Yes and No.
The 4 year old should be able to tell you about the day and if he had fun or missed something.
For both ages this should come/go but not for more than a couple weeks of clingi-ness.
Do you have any nanny cams up you can see once in awhile if they are truly bored or neglected?

I think this is probably quite normal. We get a lot of this with our kids, especially once they hit 1 to 1 1/2 yrs old. It seems to come in waves. We also go through periods when they want one parent more than another, etc...

Unless you have reason for concern in other areas it's probably fine. But you might talk with your nanny to strategize ways to manage it together (something fun they do with her as soon as you leave for instance, ways you can downplay your departure so it isn't a big deal, etc...)

My 16 month old has always been thrilled to see his nanny every morning but Monday morning. On Monday mornings he is subdued - he knows the weekend is over, I guess, and both Mommy and Daddy are leaving. I know he adores his nanny as he asks for her when she isn't there and has cried on occasion when she leaves.

I think it's normal, but I also think that a good nanny would try to find ways to bond with the kids more during the day and improve her relationship with them.

If I had to guess, I wouldn't guess that she is doing anything dangerous or harmful to your children. But I would guess that she is somewhat disengaged while she is with them. Do you have any rules around cell phone usage while she is on the clock? Does she seem to be playing a lot of games with the kids, or are they kind of left to their own devices?

Not sure. We have always used a FT (4 to 5 days a week) nanny who has been there since they were babies. But my kids normally hurtle toward her when she comes. We do have an occassional sitter though that i am 100% confident is perfectly fine but oldest just has never warmed up to and it sounds similar to the situation you mention.

Anonymous wrote:I have a 1 year old and 4 year old. My nanny has been with us for 4 months. She works for us part-time (2 - 3 days). Is it normal for the kids to look unhappy or act unhappy when the nanny arrives in the morning? My 1 year old is particularly attached to me and clings when she arrives. My older one sort of sulks and doesn't say much. I believe they are fine when I am not around. Is this behavior normal because they see her and associate her with my departure for work? I am certain that she is not mistreating the kids, but I wonder if this is a sign of a bad fit. Or would this happen with any caretaker? Is being part-time part of the issue? The kids are with me on the other days.

This is not uncommon. How are the children's moods when you arrive home?

I have a 1 year old and 4 year old. My nanny has been with us for 4 months. She works for us part-time (2 - 3 days). Is it normal for the kids to look unhappy or act unhappy when the nanny arrives in the morning? My 1 year old is particularly attached to me and clings when she arrives. My older one sort of sulks and doesn't say much. I believe they are fine when I am not around. Is this behavior normal because they see her and associate her with my departure for work? I am certain that she is not mistreating the kids, but I wonder if this is a sign of a bad fit. Or would this happen with any caretaker? Is being part-time part of the issue? The kids are with me on the other days.