OH why my failing ? have you ever think about it maybe that's the way how you thinkThanks

OP stop being selfish and avoiding the RIGHT action for your baby. My God this is your child and you don't want to do the messy work of letting her go. This is about you. Not the nanny and not your baby.

Put your big girl panties on and do the right thing. Be a good parent and step up to YOU job because right now, you are failing.

Anonymous wrote:First off OP I am sorry to see all the snarky comments coming from nannies, I am sure this is not helping. I think the comment you got about some nannies are not great with babies is really good advice, everyone has their strengths and challenges. Personally I find it hard to understand why anyone wouldn't just want to love on a beautiful baby, your nanny is really missing out.

What a nice employer you are to be concerned for the welfare of your nanny and care what letting her go may do, but there is a good chance your nanny is picking up on that things are not making you happy. It is time to really sit down and talk and communicate what the expectations are, you are the Mom and things in the position have changed. Set out the ground rules on how you see things happening in your home for the coming year, but understand you will not be able to convenience your nanny to show love and affection to your baby, she has to decide what her response is going to be. Decide how long you are going to give for things to change and of course listen to the response of your children, they often can give what they are feeling by there body language.

I was a nanny for 20 years and one thing I learned I can be the best nanny and be with the best employer but yet not be a good match and also homes and needs change, it is part of the industry. It is hard when the match does not work out but sometimes the best thing you can do in both parties is to part ways. Give it some thought, and follow your gut.

+1000000000...I totally agree with this. I absolutely love babies, but I know other nannies who prefer older children. OP seems like a wonderful, and fair person. Anyone who has the pleasure of working for her, is extremely lucky.

First off OP I am sorry to see all the snarky comments coming from nannies, I am sure this is not helping. I think the comment you got about some nannies are not great with babies is really good advice, everyone has their strengths and challenges. Personally I find it hard to understand why anyone wouldn't just want to love on a beautiful baby, your nanny is really missing out.

What a nice employer you are to be concerned for the welfare of your nanny and care what letting her go may do, but there is a good chance your nanny is picking up on that things are not making you happy. It is time to really sit down and talk and communicate what the expectations are, you are the Mom and things in the position have changed. Set out the ground rules on how you see things happening in your home for the coming year, but understand you will not be able to convenience your nanny to show love and affection to your baby, she has to decide what her response is going to be. Decide how long you are going to give for things to change and of course listen to the response of your children, they often can give what they are feeling by there body language.

I was a nanny for 20 years and one thing I learned I can be the best nanny and be with the best employer but yet not be a good match and also homes and needs change, it is part of the industry. It is hard when the match does not work out but sometimes the best thing you can do in both parties is to part ways. Give it some thought, and follow your gut.

You already asked us this before....??!

What are you expecting....A brand new fresh batch of nannies to appear out of the woodwork and give you new advice?

Geez.

What different anwser are you looking for?

Anonymous wrote:Thank you 20:46. That was very helpful. You mention notice and severance and suggested 3-4 weeks. Do you mean 3-4 weeks notice or severance after that? Our contract currently states we would give her a month severance without mention of notice.
The babysitting part is great too - I would hire/recommend her as a babysitter in a heartbeat. That's probably what's bothering me about her approach with my kids - she's more a sitter type : making sure they're safe, fed, clean etc.
And she started with us when my toddler was 18 months but toddler is 3 now.

A month severance is a LOT. I would just follow the contract in that case, with maybe a week or two of notice, since she will have a full month with nothing to do but find a job.

And if she's been with your kid for a year and a half and he's iffy on her, then it's not working at all. Pull the plug.

Thank you 20:46. That was very helpful. You mention notice and severance and suggested 3-4 weeks. Do you mean 3-4 weeks notice or severance after that? Our contract currently states we would give her a month severance without mention of notice.
The babysitting part is great too - I would hire/recommend her as a babysitter in a heartbeat. That's probably what's bothering me about her approach with my kids - she's more a sitter type : making sure they're safe, fed, clean etc.
And she started with us when my toddler was 18 months but toddler is 3 now.

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks but that's not what I'm looking for. I'm looking for advice from other parents who may have faced a situation where a nanny who was once fine is not a good fit anymore. I'm also looking for concrete examples for trying to make changes with her or for opinions telling me change is not possible. If change is not possible, I'm also looking for advice on gentle ways of letting someone go (how much notice, severance, etc.) to be as fair as possible to our nanny.
In a nutshell, I want to be fair to my kids first and to her next because, despite the problems, she's still a nice person and someone I care about. I just care about my children more.

You can only attempt to correct things that you can define. If nanny continued to have the same "cold" manner, but spent X minutes per day holding the baby and Y minutes per day singing to her, would you be okay with that? I think not. Unless you have specific changes you want to see, there is only firing her or sucking it up. In my opinion, the fact that your 18-month-old is only kind of attached to her is a HUGE problem. At that age all of my charges were incredibly bonded to me.

As far as notice and severance, the more the better, but 3-4 weeks seems pretty decent, along with a glowing reference outlining all the things you do love about her.

Start interviewing replacements and once you find someone, let you current nanny know that you are replacing her with someone who is a better fit, but that you hope she will be open to babysitting sometimes to see the kids.

Not reading op's book.

Didn't you already post this? What do you want to hear, OP?

OP, some people are just not great with newborns, and that fact extends to nannies. If anything about the care of your child is "breaking your heart" you know what you need to do. I don't think telling her what you want is going to help, because if being warm and cuddly with a newborn is not her nature, that is not something that a conversation will change.

You seem hesitant to let her go because she hasn't done anything "wrong." While she may not be the right nanny for you, she may be fantastic for someone else, so I think you should give her ample notice to job search, write her an honest reference letter focusing on her strengths, and helping her find a position for which she is better suited. Good luck!

OP here. Thanks but that's not what I'm looking for. I'm looking for advice from other parents who may have faced a situation where a nanny who was once fine is not a good fit anymore. I'm also looking for concrete examples for trying to make changes with her or for opinions telling me change is not possible. If change is not possible, I'm also looking for advice on gentle ways of letting someone go (how much notice, severance, etc.) to be as fair as possible to our nanny.
In a nutshell, I want to be fair to my kids first and to her next because, despite the problems, she's still a nice person and someone I care about. I just care about my children more.

This is the second time you've posted this. Apparently not enough people told you to fire her last time, so you're posting again in the hopes enough people will this time. So let me start you off the way you want.

Fire her. Happy now?

We've had our nanny for a year and half and, while she wasn't the nurturing type we were looking for, we found that she provided a good balance for our toddler. Now we have a newborn in the mix and feel that the lack of nurturing is becoming a problem with regard to her care for the baby. We want someone who will want to hold, rock, sing to, kiss and play with the baby but she clearly doesn't look like she has the patience for that. She hasn't dropped the ball on anything or committed any actual "fault", but my heart breaks for my little baby. My toddler had a nanny who was warm and nurturing and she moved out of state when my toddler was 18 months - I would like for my infant to benefit from the same type of care.
I work from home so I'm here a lot but I'm unable to get things done these days when I hear our baby cry and our nanny mechanically trying to soothe him or when I see him playing by himself on the floor while she's sitting next to him. I don't know if she can even change - can she? If so, how do you tell someone you want them to switch from being cold to being warm, and from being stern to being nurturing etc? Is it time for her to go and for us to find someone new? My toddler likes her but doesn't love her so wouldn't be devastated if she left and she's starting preschool soon. I feel horrible for the nanny though because I would hate to threaten her livelihood - she's finally able to afford healthcare with the pay raise we gave her for caring for two children. So, I don't want her to end up in a bad place, but I'm also not willing to have my baby receive care that is below my expectations (which are not unrealistic based on a previous nanny performance). Please help me come up with a sensible approach to either give her one more chance (if you think she can "change") or how to move on gently. If she were to "change", would the baby benefit from the increased warmth and affection even if it's not genuine? Like I said, I'm home 80% of the time.