Thank you for your kind responses We are thinking of giving her an extra paid day off next week... I think that will make me feel "better" and then next year we will hint that we won't be doing big gifts.

I guess the old adage....

"Never look a gift horse in the mouth...."

I would graciously accept the gift this time, but let her know that from now on she really does not need to spend her hard earned money on your family. Let her know that you would much prefer she spend it on something nice for herself and that you and your family really do have everything that you really need at this time. Do let her know you appreciate the lovely thought involved and that she has a lovely and giving heart.

Some people just loving giving gifts (I'm one of them). Just say thank you and next year follow previous posters advice of telling her you're not doing big gifts.

The only way to be gracious is accept it with a thank you. Anything else is rude.

Anonymous wrote:I'd be really hurt if I were the nanny and got either of the above responses. Say thank you and drop it. Next year you can broach the topic around thanksgiving. Tell her you are not doing gifts for extended family and friends in the interest of being less consumerist. (even if it's not true.) tell her you plan to give her a bonus but want her to spend it on herself or save it for a rainy day. Then drop it.

+1

I'd be really hurt if I were the nanny and got either of the above responses. Say thank you and drop it. Next year you can broach the topic around thanksgiving. Tell her you are not doing gifts for extended family and friends in the interest of being less consumerist. (even if it's not true.) tell her you plan to give her a bonus but want her to spend it on herself or save it for a rainy day. Then drop it.

Say something along the lines of "We are just so touched that you thought of us during the holidays! While we appreciate your genersity, we really wanted you to use your bonus to treat yourself! We just cannot keep the gift. The thought of you treating yourself instead would give us such joy!"

Some version of what you said here would probably be okay. Tell her that you think she is great, and are so grateful to her for thinking of you, but that you feel uncomfortable accepting such a large gift as her employer.

Nothing helpful here OP, just empathy. We have this same struggle. I hate for our nanny to be so overly generous with us, and with the kids. It comes from a lovely place, but it feels very uncomfortable.

But if we try to gently encourage her not to buy gifts for us, just for the kids, to save her money (she freely admits she's not good at managing/saving her money) etc... she gets genuinely hurt.

It's one of the tougher relationship dynamics to manage for us.

So our lovely nanny decided to surprise us with a very expensive gift this AM (she must have spent half of her christmas bonus). I was in shock because I did not expect anything from her... maybe just a card. From what I gather she has never received a bonus from her previous employers other than gift cards... I am moved by the gesture and of course I am appreciative but I feel more like she felt she "had to" get us something. I really feel uneasy though... WWYD?