Apply for food stamps.

I would just say very little. They know the issue and are not doing anything about it.

While I have valued my time working for you, I do not feel this is the best fit for myself or your family. Please accept my two week notice with my last day being on xxx.

OP Update: I'm giving notice tomorrow once I figure out how to word it right. I have spent hours reading books, doing research, and making plans to try and figure out how to keep this child safe. In the end, I'm losing sleep, overly anxious all the day, and constantly stressed out. It's really negatively effecting my life. I'm already living paycheck-to-paycheck because of unexpected car repairs and medical bills in the last year, and if I give two weeks' notice I probably won't be able to buy groceries for a few weeks, but I'd rather have to endure the humiliation of food pantries than have this kid's death or injury on my conscience. How do I explain this to people I interview with next? How do I explain this to my MB, who has been amazing except for this issue?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP you are not a bad nanny, but this I s a bad fit for you.

This family needs a caregiver highly skilled in behavior modification.

That's not you and that's okay.

My guess is MB is in denial of the level of care her son needs.

It's not your job to convince her.

You need a job where you can be physically safe, and where you are not putting your career and reputation at risk.

I absolutely agree. I've had physical safety training to defuse violent behavior for children with behavior issues and autism. This is not a good fit for you and can pose severe liability issues. It's time to much in your notice and find another family.

+2

OP they need a specialist to handle this level of dangerous and aggressive behavior. You might be a great nanny but they need something very specific and it doesn't sound like that's you. Quit gracefully and politely and know that doing so will keep YOU safe - I'm sure as nannies, universally our worst nightmare is something happening to a child on our watch and you cannot guarantee that in this job. You should be able to, for your sake, and they should hire a trained and seasoned pro to keep their kids safe, for their sake.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What consequences do you want to give him?

I'd try out giving him a snack the second he comes out of school. Like literally, on school property. Maybe he's hungry and/or has low blood sugar.

Also, you can not call the mother again and definitely can not ask her to come help you. You are the professional. I'd fire you for not being capable of doing your job. Why do I need you around if you can't handle the kids? So don't call the mother. You need to get the kid to respect your authority. He will not respect your authority if he sees you can't handle him.

I have called my MB three times---once when the kids got in a fist fight and I had to restrain one kid from the other to keep them from seriously injuring each other and the kid scratched me and bit me many times, once when the 5 yo hit me in the kneecap and my knee swelled up and I was having trouble getting around, and today. How would you have handled this situation differently? I already end outings if there's misbehavior and take away special outings at the end of the week if it's been a bad behavior week, and when I do that the 5 yo kicks my seat and screams at me the whole drive home. Please tell me how you would handle this. I feel like an awful nanny, I've never dealt with nanny kids this badly behaved and with issues like this before and it's really devastating me that I am a failure.

I don't think you're a bad nanny. Not the PP above, but to your questions -

For kicking while you're driving - give one warning with a stern voice. If it happens again, pull over as soon as you find a safe place. Get out of the car and remove the kid's shoes. A child doesn't feel the full force of his kicks when his shoes are on - they protect his feet from the impact. When you remove his shoes, it's both a practical consequence because you're forcing him to feel the full sensation of what he's doing, but you're also having a negative consequence because most little kids don't like getting their shoes taken away. Since this kid is prone to running off in the street, you can't really give him a time out on the side walk, but taking his shoes is a way to punish him while keeping him safe, still strapped into his car seat.

For screaming in the car, I quickly roll down the window nearest to the kid so the kid gets some fresh air (whether they want it or not) and I go silent. If I can keep my cool, the rest of the ride home is in silence and there's a time out once we reach our destination. If I feel myself getting really annoyed, I crank up the volume on the radio to drown out the kid.

In terms of introducing discipline and suggesting a system to your employer, I'd bring up 123 Magic - most libraries have a few copies. If you & the parents can read it over the weekend, discuss a plan on Monday, and stick to it together as a team, the kid should start to shape up. I also like the PP's suggestion of just making sure all the kid's physical needs are met as well - good naps, snacks, hydrated, has the opportunity to get his energy out in a productive and safe place. If all of that is in place, then you can feel confident that whatever discipline you do pursue is in response to a behavioral problem, not a biological one.

Anonymous wrote:OP you are not a bad nanny, but this I s a bad fit for you.

This family needs a caregiver highly skilled in behavior modification.

That's not you and that's okay.

My guess is MB is in denial of the level of care her son needs.

It's not your job to convince her.

You need a job where you can be physically safe, and where you are not putting your career and reputation at risk.

I absolutely agree. I've had physical safety training to defuse violent behavior for children with behavior issues and autism. This is not a good fit for you and can pose severe liability issues. It's time to much in your notice and find another family.

The PP who is MB is right on - she would be horrified if her child ever misbehaved this way.... and THAT's why her kids aren't misbehaving this way. Because she has been setting limits and expects better behavior.

Fistfighting and you have to pull them off each other? running in parking lot in front of car? Running around store with your phone? And the other thing you had to call about?

I'd start looking TONIGHT for a new job, and then give two weeks notice, or whatever is in your contract. And between now and then I would not take this child out to a store, etc.

I might even consider this so serious that I would give my notice now (especially if you need to give 1 months' notice) and then start searching for a job.

You can't keep this child safe, and it will be on you when something happens. Also, who wants to be in a work situtation where a child mistreats you consistently? You're right, the child needs behavior modification and to have immediate consequences for his behavior, but this is a long process and one where parents and nanny (and teachers) are all on the same page. Given the parents aren't doing anything about it (if they were, they would have told you and him the new regime and they'd be working with you to start having consequences), you can't be the one to start something.

Parents don't seem that worried about his misbehavior, which is another reason why I'd leave.

Yes, she's at the end of her rope, as you say, but she hasn't DONE anything about it other than comment to you. You need to see action on their part.

OP you are not a bad nanny, but this I s a bad fit for you.

This family needs a caregiver highly skilled in behavior modification.

That's not you and that's okay.

My guess is MB is in denial of the level of care her son needs.

It's not your job to convince her.

You need a job where you can be physically safe, and where you are not putting your career and reputation at risk.

MB here, OP in my opinion you did the right thing by calling and I would be horrified and come home immediately if one if my children ever misbehaved like that and put you and them in a life threatening situation like you described in the parking lot
i second the idea that you need to find another job . Handling fistfights and a child injuring you , plus the safety issue in parking lots and the store are putting you in jeopardy .
What if the child had been hit? Guess whose responsible ?
I would be clear with Your MB why you are quitting , ie that you cannot keep the children or yourself safe with this behavior

The problem isn't that you are calling your mother for this behavior, the problem is that this behavior is so over-the-top that you should have viewed this as a really dire situation much earlier on. The children getting into fist fights? That should have been A huge red flag that prompted a sitdown talk with your employers about the drastic changes that are obviously needed in their household. The fact that this is the third time that the child's behavior has gotten to the point where he is physically endangering himself or others and that you are just now saying that you think may be some consequences should be put in place tell me that this child is not a good fit for you. This kid needs someone with a lot of experience setting boundaries and maintaining them. He probably need someone with experience working with special needs children, given that his behavior is appropriate for a two-year-old, but he has a five-year-old body and he will need someone who has experience with safely restraining a larger child. It is wonderful that you love your charges and want to help them, but sometimes the best way to help is to admit that you do not have the tools to fix the problem. You need to find a new family with much younger children and with them keep in mind that consequences start as early as age one.

Op don't be too hard on yourself. I would not take care of children like this that's how I would handle it. If I was desperate for a job I would stick it out until I found another job. I quit a job a few years ago taking care of crazy children. I felt bad too but oh what a relief it was. Being physically and emotionally abused by a young child is awful. You can't fix everyone

Anonymous wrote:What consequences do you want to give him?

I'd try out giving him a snack the second he comes out of school. Like literally, on school property. Maybe he's hungry and/or has low blood sugar.

Also, you can not call the mother again and definitely can not ask her to come help you. You are the professional. I'd fire you for not being capable of doing your job. Why do I need you around if you can't handle the kids? So don't call the mother. You need to get the kid to respect your authority. He will not respect your authority if he sees you can't handle him.

I have called my MB three times---once when the kids got in a fist fight and I had to restrain one kid from the other to keep them from seriously injuring each other and the kid scratched me and bit me many times, once when the 5 yo hit me in the kneecap and my knee swelled up and I was having trouble getting around, and today. How would you have handled this situation differently? I already end outings if there's misbehavior and take away special outings at the end of the week if it's been a bad behavior week, and when I do that the 5 yo kicks my seat and screams at me the whole drive home. Please tell me how you would handle this. I feel like an awful nanny, I've never dealt with nanny kids this badly behaved and with issues like this before and it's really devastating me that I am a failure.

I think you should quit. I've never had to call a parent so they can calm a child down. I calm them down. Asking the mom to show up to help you ? That sounds crazy to me. This child isn't a good fit for you op. I worry he could get seriously hurt with you being his nanny. Running in front of a car, running around a store with your phone ? All these things are not okay and you are not able to control him and keep him safe.

Yes children need discipline and consequences but if this child has none, getting some done the line is probably not going to happen over night. This child and situation is too much for you to handle.

Anonymous wrote:I started nannying for a new family a few months ago, and the 5 yo is a terror. I don't think he's really had limits--bad behavior is usually discussed to find the root, but there aren't usually tangible consequences. His older sister is pretty well-behaved, so I think MB thought that the same discipline would work with the 5 yo. He's had a rough adjustment to Kindergarten, and is usually pretty tired/grumpy/on the verge of a meltdown when I pick them up from school. Recently we've had some really troubling behavior--running in parking lots (he darted in front of a car today and I had to grab him) and hitting especially. He had a total meltdown when I told him we weren't walking to the car until we held hands because he was acting unsafe. He refused to walk to the car and I had to call his mom. She tried to speak to him on the phone and he took off through the store we were in and ran laps around the aisles way out of sight of me with my phone. I basically had to tackle him to get the phone back and ask my MB to come get him. I would be out of here in a heartbeat if I didn't really care for the kids and really like my MB. MB is at the end of her rope and open to suggestions, but how do I bring up that he needs consequences for behavior like this respectfully? I don't think this is normal behavior for this age group but I'm not sure. I'd appreciate any advice you have.

I honestly, and I say this out of respect and courtesy, think that you should quit.

What consequences do you want to give him?

I'd try out giving him a snack the second he comes out of school. Like literally, on school property. Maybe he's hungry and/or has low blood sugar.

Also, you can not call the mother again and definitely can not ask her to come help you. You are the professional. I'd fire you for not being capable of doing your job. Why do I need you around if you can't handle the kids? So don't call the mother. You need to get the kid to respect your authority. He will not respect your authority if he sees you can't handle him.

I started nannying for a new family a few months ago, and the 5 yo is a terror. I don't think he's really had limits--bad behavior is usually discussed to find the root, but there aren't usually tangible consequences. His older sister is pretty well-behaved, so I think MB thought that the same discipline would work with the 5 yo. He's had a rough adjustment to Kindergarten, and is usually pretty tired/grumpy/on the verge of a meltdown when I pick them up from school. Recently we've had some really troubling behavior--running in parking lots (he darted in front of a car today and I had to grab him) and hitting especially. He had a total meltdown when I told him we weren't walking to the car until we held hands because he was acting unsafe. He refused to walk to the car and I had to call his mom. She tried to speak to him on the phone and he took off through the store we were in and ran laps around the aisles way out of sight of me with my phone. I basically had to tackle him to get the phone back and ask my MB to come get him. I would be out of here in a heartbeat if I didn't really care for the kids and really like my MB. MB is at the end of her rope and open to suggestions, but how do I bring up that he needs consequences for behavior like this respectfully? I don't think this is normal behavior for this age group but I'm not sure. I'd appreciate any advice you have.