How long have you had your nanny? If it was a long term nanny tgat would be a red flag for me that you're going behind her back like that.

Anonymous wrote:
The employer doesn't owe you an explanation that is "acceptable" to you about why she is ending the relationship with the prior nanny. You also don't owe a potential NF any particular explanation about why you left your last job. In fact, in some situations, it would be damaging to your reference if you did.

The safest thing is the vague "looking for a better fit/new opportunity" explanation.

If a candidate wants to know how I handle difficulties with a nanny, and asks for an example, that's fine. That is sensible for her to decide if she would work well with me.

But if a candidate felt entitled to invade my and my former nanny's privacy for more details...I would immediately conclude she was not a fit for us.


And you would not be a good fit for me. As was said you do not need to speak negatively of her, but you better believe that any nanny with a clue will be suspicious of a vague answer.
Especially if there's a history of nannies.

OK, now you are contradicting yourself. What if I am firing the nanny because she is chronically late or neglectful with my child, etc? Sharing those details with a potential candidate would be speaking negatively about her. You say I don't have to speak negatively, yet my explanation needs to satisfy your curiosity. Apparently, no longer a good fit doesn't satisfy you.

Frankly, if you spoke negatively about your former employer, I would see that as a red flag. I don't care why you left. I care about how often you leave, and what your references say about you. Pretty simple, really.

As I said, there are many other questions you might ask to understand how difficulties are handled. You can ask for examples for almost any situation, including "flexibility" or whatever other nonsense you think you'll learn if you were privy to the details of the former nanny's experience. Why is that not sufficient?

Actually, don't answer that. I don't actually care why you are inconsistent and I don't care what you think you are entitled to. I only care to educate parents who think you are reasonable when you very clearly are not.

You are correct about one thing, though. I would never hire you.

I'm a nanny who replaced a nanny who wasn't a good fit. I was given enough information that 1) I felt satisfied they wouldn't have the same issues with me and 2) I didn't feel l needed to ask additional questions about what led them to replace her. I very much respected their openness and felt it would make them good employers with open communication which is something I was looking for as I'd had problems with that previously.

Be open w/ your candidates that you're looking for XYZ...someone w/ the flexibility to end anytime from 5-5:30 or whatever it is you need that your current nanny can't provide.

MB here. You need to plan to answer this question well, usefully, and honestly. That doesn't mean you need to badmouth your current nanny, or that you need to feel guilty about it. You don't want to convey guilt or uncertainly to a prospective nanny because that will just make him/her understandably cautious about you as an employer.

Know why you're replacing her and what that means for what you'll be looking for next. Perhaps your current nanny was fantastic for infants but doesn't particularly enjoy the age your kids are now. Maybe you now need a nanny who can drive the kids and help them with homework - and those aren't things your current nanny is suited for. Maybe you've learned as you've gotten more confident as a parent that you have a different approach to discipline/sleep training/religion whatever... than your current nanny and you think you'd all be better off with a good fit.

Whatever your reasons, find a way to articulate them clearly and appropriately, and use that as a vehicle to talk about what you're looking for next.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The employer doesn't owe you an explanation that is "acceptable" to you about why she is ending the relationship with the prior nanny. You also don't owe a potential NF any particular explanation about why you left your last job. In fact, in some situations, it would be damaging to your reference if you did.

The safest thing is the vague "looking for a better fit/new opportunity" explanation.

If a candidate wants to know how I handle difficulties with a nanny, and asks for an example, that's fine. That is sensible for her to decide if she would work well with me.

But if a candidate felt entitled to invade my and my former nanny's privacy for more details...I would immediately conclude she was not a fit for us.

If she wants to hire me, her answer needs to satisfy me. Obviously. It behooves both of us for you to be honest in saying what your issues were, so that we can both assess whether or not you would continue to have those issue with myself. For example, say you are ending a relationship with your nanny because she was a stickler about you being home on time, and you want "flexibility." Every family says they want flexibility, but what that actually means can vary. Knowing that this particular reason is what led you to search for a new nanny would make it clear to me that you are looking for a flexibility that I likely cannot provide. It isn't about invading anyone's privacy. The entire point of an interview is to assess fit, for you and for your potential nanny. You should encourage her questions, and you should answer honestly. To do otherwise is a good way to end up with another nanny you don't want.

No one wants to hire you honey, don't fret!

Anonymous wrote:The employer doesn't owe you an explanation that is "acceptable" to you about why she is ending the relationship with the prior nanny. You also don't owe a potential NF any particular explanation about why you left your last job. In fact, in some situations, it would be damaging to your reference if you did.

The safest thing is the vague "looking for a better fit/new opportunity" explanation.

If a candidate wants to know how I handle difficulties with a nanny, and asks for an example, that's fine. That is sensible for her to decide if she would work well with me.

But if a candidate felt entitled to invade my and my former nanny's privacy for more details...I would immediately conclude she was not a fit for us.

If she wants to hire me, her answer needs to satisfy me. Obviously. It behooves both of us for you to be honest in saying what your issues were, so that we can both assess whether or not you would continue to have those issue with myself. For example, say you are ending a relationship with your nanny because she was a stickler about you being home on time, and you want "flexibility." Every family says they want flexibility, but what that actually means can vary. Knowing that this particular reason is what led you to search for a new nanny would make it clear to me that you are looking for a flexibility that I likely cannot provide. It isn't about invading anyone's privacy. The entire point of an interview is to assess fit, for you and for your potential nanny. You should encourage her questions, and you should answer honestly. To do otherwise is a good way to end up with another nanny you don't want.

Keep it positive. We loved ABC or we are hoping our new nanny will xyz.

I can understand poor fits.

I cannot accept poor communication or an employer that hasn't a cvlue what they value in a nanny.

More than one nanny in less than a year's time with vague answers screams red flag.

Anonymous wrote:The employer doesn't owe you an explanation that is "acceptable" to you about why she is ending the relationship with the prior nanny. You also don't owe a potential NF any particular explanation about why you left your last job. In fact, in some situations, it would be damaging to your reference if you did.

The safest thing is the vague "looking for a better fit/new opportunity" explanation.

If a candidate wants to know how I handle difficulties with a nanny, and asks for an example, that's fine. That is sensible for her to decide if she would work well with me.

But if a candidate felt entitled to invade my and my former nanny's privacy for more details...I would immediately conclude she was not a fit for us.

And you would not be a good fit for me. As was said you do not need to speak negatively of her, but you better believe that any nanny with a clue will be suspicious of a vague answer.
Especially if there's a history of nannies.

The employer doesn't owe you an explanation that is "acceptable" to you about why she is ending the relationship with the prior nanny. You also don't owe a potential NF any particular explanation about why you left your last job. In fact, in some situations, it would be damaging to your reference if you did.

The safest thing is the vague "looking for a better fit/new opportunity" explanation.

If a candidate wants to know how I handle difficulties with a nanny, and asks for an example, that's fine. That is sensible for her to decide if she would work well with me.

But if a candidate felt entitled to invade my and my former nanny's privacy for more details...I would immediately conclude she was not a fit for us.

I'd want to know too, in part so I can make a decision of whether we're a good fit. I might have similar characteristics that made you crazy in your old nanny so I'd know ahead that either I need to change or that we're not the right fit. Be honest.

Yes don't lie. Don't bad mouth her be honest but keep it positive.
As a nanny I know things don't always work out for a variety of reasons.
How an employer handles things tells me a lot.

Anonymous wrote:"She is leaving in a couple weeks and I'd like to have someone in place to start the following week."

What would this be in response to? If I knew a family currently had a nanny, I would ask "Why is the relationship ending?" If this is the answer you gave me, it would be a clear avoidance of the answer and a big red flag. Would this be an acceptable answer for you as an employer, when you ask why they are leaving their current position? "I'm leaving in a couple of weeks, and looking for a position to start the following week?" It doesn't answer the question. Just tell the freaking truth.

"She is leaving in a couple weeks and I'd like to have someone in place to start the following week."

If they ask, you tell the truth, just as you would hope they do when you ask questions. No reason to feel guilty, as long as you go about it the right way. Have you given your nanny the opportunity to improve? Have you communicated your issues? Are you going to give a fair amount of notice?

For a bunch of reasons, I want to replace my current nanny. However, I feel somewhat guilty and unsure of what to tell potential nannies when they interview. How do I address the fact I have one I am replacing?