Yes, honestly you need to be up front that you cannot afford her.

While wanting to giver her options to keep her on is noble, the truth is no matter what her job is at risk.


Really, OP this about you not wanting to let go and change.

Change is hard, But in this case it is what is best for everyone.

Let your nanny go. Giver her as much notice as you can. Be a great reference for her and move on.

Eight years is a long time and if she is as wonderful and professional as you say she is this does not have to go badly.

It will go badly for everyone if you continue to push yourself past your limit just to avoid change.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thank you to the PPs for your nice posts.

If a nanny is reading this email, how would you feel if the family asked you if you'd consider the cleaning responsibilities (during your 1.5 hours of child-free time each day)? Would the nanny take offense? Or consider it an option? We fear our nanny views herself as somewhat "above" that.

What does it matter? You can't afford it. Even if she did all your chores for you and was an amazing value for what she offered you are broke, living above your means, and have depleted your savings.

I have to agree here. Let her know you can't afford a nanny.

Basically, you are outgrowing the need for a nanny. She has been with you for eight years, I'm sure she sees the end is coming. I think all your options are good possibilities and I agree with PPs that you should discuss all of them with her. You should probably be clear that the job will change, but she has input on how it will change. GL.

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thank you to the PPs for your nice posts.

If a nanny is reading this email, how would you feel if the family asked you if you'd consider the cleaning responsibilities (during your 1.5 hours of child-free time each day)? Would the nanny take offense? Or consider it an option? We fear our nanny views herself as somewhat "above" that.

What does it matter? You can't afford it. Even if she did all your chores for you and was an amazing value for what she offered you are broke, living above your means, and have depleted your savings.

I will not scrub the windows or bathroom, but I have always done light housekeeping and given the kids are older it is reasonable. I would switch the kids to aftercare and give her two months and move on. You cannot afford her.

OP, realistically, even if you make this work, how much longer can you afford to keep her on? Until your youngest goes to middle school? Or would this just be for another year at most? That's something else to consider.

Anonymous wrote:Nanny here i would definetely stay with you and do some household chore instead of leaving you. As a nanny she knows that only few employers would be willing to pay this amount. I suggest you to sit and be honest with her and i am sure she would appreciated it and could find another part time job that pays at least $20/h is what i earn now. If she is good like you said and willing to go beyond only a babysitter job.

She's not babysitting now she is a nanny. There is a difference.

Also there is nothing wrong with her wanting to stick to child care only, That does not make her bad.


OP, honestly you just have to talk with her and see what happens.

Nanny here i would definetely stay with you and do some household chore instead of leaving you. As a nanny she knows that only few employers would be willing to pay this amount. I suggest you to sit and be honest with her and i am sure she would appreciated it and could find another part time job that pays at least $20/h is what i earn now. If she is good like you said and willing to go beyond only a babysitter job.

Anonymous wrote:Nanny here. I would not be upset at all and would think it was nice you were trying to find ways to keep me at my regular schedule. That said, I would decline. Definitely don't think I'm above it, I just hate, hate, hate cleaning

+1 As another nanny I would not be offended at the offer. I would be happy that you were trying to find a way to keep me on.


I would still decline because I honestly have no interest in house cleaning beyond the basics that comes with caring for infant and toddlers, but I bill myself as an infant toddler nanny and am usual on to my next family by the time the kids are in school.

Longer term nannies probably expect to slide into more of a housekeeper/ house manager role as the children age.


My advice, would be to talk with it about her in person.

I wouldn't want to hear that my position would be changing by email.

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thank you to the PPs for your nice posts.

If a nanny is reading this email, how would you feel if the family asked you if you'd consider the cleaning responsibilities (during your 1.5 hours of child-free time each day)? Would the nanny take offense? Or consider it an option? We fear our nanny views herself as somewhat "above" that.

I'm a nanny, and I think your best bet is to just lay all your options out to her and let her decide. Personally, I would absolutely not go for the cleaning, but I'd be much less upset by seeing it on a list of brainstormed options than by being told it was the only or best option to keep my job.

Nanny here. I would not be upset at all and would think it was nice you were trying to find ways to keep me at my regular schedule. That said, I would decline. Definitely don't think I'm above it, I just hate, hate, hate cleaning

OP here. Thank you to the PPs for your nice posts.

If a nanny is reading this email, how would you feel if the family asked you if you'd consider the cleaning responsibilities (during your 1.5 hours of child-free time each day)? Would the nanny take offense? Or consider it an option? We fear our nanny views herself as somewhat "above" that.

Nanny here,

Talk it over with her see what she says.

While it is nice to grow with a family we nannies know that eventually the time comes we have to part ways.

As a nanny I would not want the family I work for to strain themselves to keep me on.

If she as professional as you say she is she will understand.

Even if decides to move on doesn't mean your relationship needs to end.

Yes it will change, but I doubt after 8 years she will just ignore you.

Considering she's been with you so long, you obviously have a very good relationship.maybe sit down with her and go through the different options like you have here?

We have a wonderful nanny who's taken care of our kids (ages 4, 6, and 10) for 8 years. She does everything so well - takes great care of the kids, gets them outside for activities, makes them healthy lunches and snacks, does the laundry, is completely reliable and professional, etc etc.

For the past 5 years, we have paid her out of our savings. (I was working part-time, and our salaries didn't cover what it cost for her to work for us.) In hindsight, we should have probably used daycare in lieu of having a nanny, but my husband and I both thought a nanny would be nice (and figured our salaries would go up more than they have).

My savings have now dried up. I recently went from part-time to full-time, but my salary still does not cover all of her wages. (We are pretty generous in that we pay her $25/hour for 40 hours/week, plus 3 week of paid vacation time and most paid federal holidays.)

Because we love our nanny so much, and our kids are so attached, we realize that this will be difficult. We could start by cutting the hours she works when our youngest is in preschool. We were always reluctant to cut her hours because we worried she would find another job.

Here are some options I am now considering:

(a) Advising her that, once our 4-year-old starts kindergarten in the fall of 2015, we'll probably have to switch to an au pair. This would give our nanny time to find a job. We'd pay her a bonus for staying with us through Sept 2015.

(b) Using Option A except starting in the summer (and using our wonderful 17-year-old neighbor for babysitting for the summer, if she will be reliable enough for us.) We need someone totally reliable because of our jobs.

(c) Using Option A, except that starting in the fall of 2015, we'd just use her from 2:30 pm to 6:00 pm (if she would even want that.) I could use boards like DCUM to help her find a morning job. Problem is that, for morning jobs, many of the potential employers seem to want to pay more in the range of $15/hour and tend to cancel a lot. She would need someone who could commit to giving her reliable hours.

(d) Asking her to start each day at 1pm instead of 11:30 am, since our 4-year-old is in preschool each day until 1pm.

(e) Asking her to clean our house, so that we do not have to pay a separate person to clean (since she is at our house 1.5 hours per day without any children to watch.)

Do nannies tend to expect this at a certain point? Are any nannies ever willing to stay with a family just for after-school hours? Or is that too uncertain in terms of morning jobs?

My husband is reluctant to "rock the boat" with her. But we are literally not able to afford her anymore. I think she assumes that we are doing well financially, but then again, she knows we live in a small house in Arlington and drive average cars. Her previous employers were doctors from McLean and so I think she had very high standards coming in.

Thank you for any advice you may have!