Anonymous wrote:In what way is she going crazy ? Applying for health insurance can be overwhelming and needing proof of a job and income in order to lease an apartment seems rather normal. Helping her mom seems normal, who wouldn't help their parent out even if they couldn't.

As I said in my original post, she is spending on big, extravagant weekend plans (like a long trip for which she rented a car because her car can't make it), buying all new furniture for her new apartment (which they haven't rented yet), taking her nieces out for treats/gifts, holiday shopping. She doesn't pay for her health insurance, I do. I was just explaining to the poster who asked why I even knew things like the fact that she'd never had health insurance before how that came up, and how it came up that she was helping her mom out was the letter (also not part of the issue).

My point was that she was living paycheck to paycheck already, and now that she has a little extra money, instead of trying to give herself a cushion in case of unexpected expenses (or even expected ones that she hasn't budgeted for) she's spending it all and then some.

I'd stay out of it at this point, although I think it's nice you are worried. And then in a few more months, when you might have a different relationship given she'll have been with you longer, you can talk about saving, wishing you'd done things differently when you were her age, etc. Even the concept of saving for something big you want - never mind saving for retirement - seems to not always be something that is taught at home by parents. too bad, because that's when it's logically taught over the 18 yrs the child is in our home. After that it's more like a hard, cruel lesson some people need to learn on their own.

So resolve to teach your own children to be good money managers!

It doesn't sound like she's making poor choices it sounds like she is living pay check to pay check at the moment. Helping family is normal for most, car issues are not always in our control, going out once in awhile is normal and so is not understanding health insurance.

I think you are projecting your own previous Financial mistakes on her.

In what way is she going crazy ? Applying for health insurance can be overwhelming and needing proof of a job and income in order to lease an apartment seems rather normal. Helping her mom seems normal, who wouldn't help their parent out even if they couldn't.

She has only been with us for about two months, so we definitely don't have the kind of relationship where it would be appropriate for me to give her advice without it being kind of out of line.

She hasn't really been complaining or confiding about money; these are things that came up naturally: the health insurance because I asked her to pick a plan on ehealthinsurance and she wasn't doing it because she didn't understand it (so I helped with that), the helping her mom part because she needed a letter stating her pay rate and hours for an apartment they were applying to (she was just talking about it while I wrote the letter), and then other things that have come up in conversation about what she did on the weekend, a car issue she had, etc..

She actually seems very responsible in terms of not asking for any help from me beyond her regular pay and benefits, so I'm not really worried about that; it's more that she could be making life easier for herself and instead I see a crash coming. I've had nannies and a housekeeper who did involve me way too much in their personal business and ask for huge favors; I am very happy that she is more professional than that.

As a grown woman who has been-there-done-that under much better circumstances (family money to help me out of a hole), I just wish I could save her from the consequences. I know why it's happening: it's the first time she's had extra money at all, and she has no history of saving because she couldn't, and she's going a little crazy. Hopefully she'll get it under control on her own.

What kind of cool stuff is she buying?

She has no business confiding her financial issues w/you in the first place. That kind of talk has no place in her job.

I wonder why she is telling you all of this. Perhaps she has no one to confide in or maybe she is hoping you can help her out, maybe loan her some money...??

Anyway, just do as you have been doing. All you can do is listen to her and nod your head. After all like you stated, it is HER problem and she is not a baby.

We all need to live and learn in life.

Maybe for Christmas you can give her a session or two with a money manager? Say "We had something like this when we were in our mid 20's and it really helped give us healthy financial direction."

Just be careful. We had a nanny who ended up in foreclosure after bad decision-making. Then she started asking for a raise, then started nickel and diming us and asking to babysit, then asked us to pay her car insurance so she could get to work, then she started threatening to find another job. It went on and on.

Don't bother. It is like someone that talks about being overweight or wanting to lose weight while sucking down a Starbucks Frappuccino, they know better. Offering advice may later be seen as an offer to financially assist.

I beg to differ with responses thus far. I think it depends on the relationship that you have with your Nanny. Also your approach - it can be a gentle 'have you considered....' OR,'I have a friend who was in a similar situation and this happened so perhaps you can....' If she feels comfortable enough sharing with you about how she spends her earnings, then you can use that as an opening to provide some advise that can save her much heartache in the long run.

Stay out of it. You don't want to go down that road with her.

As hard as it can be to watch/listen to this is one of those boundaries you don't want to cross. Good luck!

You need to just stay out of it. I struggle watching my friends live so close to the brink. No savings, no emergency fund, no retirement or college savings. I've told my best friend to try and save her tax return each yr (7,000) but it's usually spent before she has it.

We love our new nanny. This is the first job she's had with guaranteed hours and a living wage. She is making terrible financial decisions, and she was living close to the edge to begin with. I can't advise her if she doesn't ask my opinion, right? I should just keep smiling and saying, "that sounds wonderful!" every time she tells me about how she blew her last paycheck, or borrowed against the next one (credit cards, mostly)? She has no other means of support/help. In fact, she's helping her mom out with rent right now.

She is young (mid-20s, so not a baby), smart, and has no one else to take care of, so I'm sure if she crashes she'll learn a hard lesson, but I hate seeing this play out in front of me without saying anything!