Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Let me give a possible other perspective, as an MB. Maybe she's a first time mom, newly back to work, seriously struggling w/ all the myriad ways a new mother can feel guilty/inadequate/torn about the choices she's making. Maybe she's incredibly unsure of how to be an employer. Maybe it scares her to turn over her newborn to anyone else, maybe it worries her that it's easy for her to do and other people are telling her she should be at home. Maybe she feels like you (the nanny) seem so much more assured and confident with the baby than she does.

Maybe she just feels internally conflicted and unsure in a hundred ways that have nothing to do with you personally.

Talk to her. Ask to just sit down and touch base. Tell her that you're not always sure if you're doing what she wants (cite specifics like sending her photos during the day) and you want her to feel confident and comfortable leaving her child in your care. Ask what you can do that would be most helpful. Ask if she feels safe trusting you. Ask if you can touch base like this every couple of months just to make sure you can feel like you're doing the best possible job.

Remember that you are the professional and you are experienced at being a nanny. She is a rookie at being a mom AND at being an employer of a nanny. So take things less personally and instead, focus on establishing solid, regular, clear communication with her. Maybe email will be your answer, or maybe a once a month touch base, whatever... Maybe the father is part of the solution also. But remember that you're the experienced one here and she may really be trying to find her footing in some very emotional waters.

Op here, thank you so much for this response. I will definitely take this to heart!

You're welcome! I hope it helps.

I speak from experience - it's really hard to juggle all the stuff I listed above, and that's just the first layer of insecurity/anxiety! You sound very conscientious and engaged, I'd be willing to bet this isn't about you at all. But being able to communicate well is really a great thing if you can start building that. Focus on the job - the specifics of the work, the details, etc... - try to steer clear of all the gazillion emotional elements, and it will be easier for everyone. Good luck!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Let me give a possible other perspective, as an MB. Maybe she's a first time mom, newly back to work, seriously struggling w/ all the myriad ways a new mother can feel guilty/inadequate/torn about the choices she's making. Maybe she's incredibly unsure of how to be an employer. Maybe it scares her to turn over her newborn to anyone else, maybe it worries her that it's easy for her to do and other people are telling her she should be at home. Maybe she feels like you (the nanny) seem so much more assured and confident with the baby than she does.

Maybe she just feels internally conflicted and unsure in a hundred ways that have nothing to do with you personally.

Talk to her. Ask to just sit down and touch base. Tell her that you're not always sure if you're doing what she wants (cite specifics like sending her photos during the day) and you want her to feel confident and comfortable leaving her child in your care. Ask what you can do that would be most helpful. Ask if she feels safe trusting you. Ask if you can touch base like this every couple of months just to make sure you can feel like you're doing the best possible job.

Remember that you are the professional and you are experienced at being a nanny. She is a rookie at being a mom AND at being an employer of a nanny. So take things less personally and instead, focus on establishing solid, regular, clear communication with her. Maybe email will be your answer, or maybe a once a month touch base, whatever... Maybe the father is part of the solution also. But remember that you're the experienced one here and she may really be trying to find her footing in some very emotional waters.

Op here, thank you so much for this response. I will definitely take this to heart!

Anonymous wrote:Let me give a possible other perspective, as an MB. Maybe she's a first time mom, newly back to work, seriously struggling w/ all the myriad ways a new mother can feel guilty/inadequate/torn about the choices she's making. Maybe she's incredibly unsure of how to be an employer. Maybe it scares her to turn over her newborn to anyone else, maybe it worries her that it's easy for her to do and other people are telling her she should be at home. Maybe she feels like you (the nanny) seem so much more assured and confident with the baby than she does.

Maybe she just feels internally conflicted and unsure in a hundred ways that have nothing to do with you personally.

Talk to her. Ask to just sit down and touch base. Tell her that you're not always sure if you're doing what she wants (cite specifics like sending her photos during the day) and you want her to feel confident and comfortable leaving her child in your care. Ask what you can do that would be most helpful. Ask if she feels safe trusting you. Ask if you can touch base like this every couple of months just to make sure you can feel like you're doing the best possible job.

Remember that you are the professional and you are experienced at being a nanny. She is a rookie at being a mom AND at being an employer of a nanny. So take things less personally and instead, focus on establishing solid, regular, clear communication with her. Maybe email will be your answer, or maybe a once a month touch base, whatever... Maybe the father is part of the solution also. But remember that you're the experienced one here and she may really be trying to find her footing in some very emotional waters.