I think the point is that the nanny is obviously doing something for her benefit; in the case of meeting up with friends or relatives. Now, there is likely nothing wrong going on. And it's likely fine for the kids. But, I think you need to acknowledge that getting to hang out with your friends during work is a perk. So, yes, it looks bad if you mention all the things you did with your charge that were for his or her benefit, but left out the things you did during the day for your own benefit.

I'd feel the same way about a quick errand or two. In the context of an otherwise good relationship, no problem, and something I'd even encourage. But, if you give me a run down of the day and mention all the kid centered things but leave out the things that were for your benefit, eventually you will begin to burn trust and goodwill.

I think you are all crazy. There is nothing wrong, and probably a lot of good, in your effing snowflake meeting other children. Either you trust your nanny or you should quit and stay home so you can control their every moment.

I will just tell you this from my perspective, I am hired to be a trusted person to take care of the kids and handle decisions for us and them. If you have left money for us to do activities I will just do them, I likely wouldn't even "ask" if we could go to the zoo today, we just go. I surely wouldn't ask little things like do you mind if we meet some other kids. Now if you ask me about our day I would likely mention we met some other kids, especially if anything relevant happened. But maybe not, won knows, depends on the day.

If you want a nanny to seeks your approval for everything and doesn't make any plans on her own find a first timer.

Op do you allow time at the beginning or end of the day when your nanny is still on the clock for her to tell you things?

A family I used to work for never seemed interested in what we did during the day so I stopped telling them. I kept our schedule/planner near their phone though so they could look at it and ask me anything if they wanted to.
On the morning of the activity show interest in what theyre doing, and ask if theyre meeting anyone else. My kids had lots of nanny kids friends.

Anonymous wrote:As a nanny I would mention it but not feel the need to ask for permission to meet up with another nanny and her charges or a family/friend and their children if we were in a public place like a park. I would mention it because I give a full report at the end of the day of everything my charge did.

Same here. Most times I don't necessarily know for sure whether a meet-up is actually going to happen. I'll know that I am definitely taking the kids to X Park, but I might have sent a text to a nanny friend and haven't heard back yet, isn't sure of the baby's sleep schedule, etc etc. Doesn't really seem pertinent to mention all this to MB in the middle of a busy morning routine. There've also been plenty of times where we've happened to run in to friends once we've already gotten somewhere. I do try to mention to MB when she gets home that "Oh Nanny X met us at the sprayground today!" or "We bumped in to Nanny Y at the park!" But I'm usually more focused on making sure to relay the kid's details that might actually effect the rest of MB's evening (nap times, eating habits, etc).

As a nanny I always bring it up with my MB. If we meet a nanny at gymboree, she and I will exchange numbers and I'll ask MB if it's okay to set up playdates at the park or somewhere similar. I once met a mom at the bookstore and the kids were playing well, so we did the same thing.

If I were you, I'd let her know that it's okay for her to meet up with other nannies like that, but that you would like a heads up first.

The only time I didn't say anything ahead of time was when I was going to the playground regardless and I wasn't sure if my nanny friend was able to meet me. This was a nanny who I'd had playdates with before, so my MB knew about her.

As a nanny I would mention it but not feel the need to ask for permission to meet up with another nanny and her charges or a family/friend and their children if we were in a public place like a park. I would mention it because I give a full report at the end of the day of everything my charge did.

OP, I always thought this was a pretty common thing--our nanny certainly does this with other friends who are nannies or parents in the neighborhood. They meet up at various parks, pre-arranged, and then all have lunch together. We sometimes hear about it and sometimes don't (always hear which park they went to, but not always who they saw there--which varies), and it's never occurred to me to be concerned. The only time I consistently hear about it is when they meet (by happenstance) a parent who knows my child and then spend time with that family--and that's usually just because our nanny doesn't know them or doesn't know them well, but they will come up and say "Hi!" to DC and he will recognize them and engage with them. Every now and then this works in the reverse, and I'll run into another parent on the weekend who knows my child from the park play dates but doesn't know me. That's always a little funny, but in a good way--we always hear nice things about our nanny! Generally speaking, I see the social interaction as a good thing. (The neighborhood parent listserv we are on also has a lot of SAHPs on it, and it's not uncommon for there to be a cluster of messages in the mornings about people heading various places to play and seeing who wants to meet up--I imagine the same thing happens with nannies, too.)

I suspect she isn't telling you because it hasn't crossed her mind that this is important information--I would only worry about it if it becomes clear that they are going somewhere other than where she's told you they've been, but it doesn't sound like that's what's happening. You could certainly ask her to add it to her report on the day, though (or ask your children; mine often volunteers when they've met up with favorite friends, most of whom I know by name only since I've never met them or their parents/caregivers!)

Anonymous wrote:Since your children are older and are obviously going to tell you what they did during the day, the nanny is most likely not disclosing it to you because she figures that your child will end up telling you all the details anyway which it sounds to me like that is what is happening.

It's not like she is being sneaky or anything...If she were, she would be coaching your child to not tell you anything.

In all honesty, if this is your only complaint about your nanny, then you are truly blessed. Count your blessings. This is really not an issue at all, I totally agree w/your husband's logic on this OP.

Well if the nanny isn't really giving an account of the day at all because she assumes the kids are old enough to do it, then that is pretty simply the issue, OP. If you want her to tell you about the day herself, you should ask her. And if you want her to tell you who she meets up with beforehand, you should let her know that is your expectation as well. I think if you have an arrangement in which your kids are basically the ones reporting on their day, then it seems silly to expect the nanny to go out of her way to tell you this, but not really look to her to tell you anything else. By contrast, if she gives you a report everyday and leaves this out - that would make me uncomfortable too. Similarly, if she's specifically asking whether she can take the kids somewhere (Zoo, museum, etc.), and the kids report they met somewhere there intentionally (not just running into them), that would also make me uncomfortable.

Ultimately though, the bottom line is, if this has happened more than once, and you feel like you'd like to know in advance, I just don't see what the big deal is with saying to your nanny, hey, the kids mentioned this, for future reference, I have no problem with it but would like to know in advance. I have no problem with our nanny arranging play dates but I do ask that she tell me who they are with and where they are going in advance (DC is a little younger than your kids). She has never seemed to have a problem with that, and actually makes it a point to tell me about any deviations in their day (if they were supposed to go to playgroup but went to the library instead, she'll tell me at the end of the day). It's not an unreasonable request.

Since your children are older and are obviously going to tell you what they did during the day, the nanny is most likely not disclosing it to you because she figures that your child will end up telling you all the details anyway which it sounds to me like that is what is happening.

It's not like she is being sneaky or anything...If she were, she would be coaching your child to not tell you anything.

In all honesty, if this is your only complaint about your nanny, then you are truly blessed. Count your blessings. This is really not an issue at all, I totally agree w/your husband's logic on this OP.

Anonymous wrote:Seriously? Why do you guys think your kids are so interesting that nannies would be happy being around them all day with no adult interaction?

They went to the place the nanny said they went to, what exactly is the problem?

I don't think anyone on this thread has objected to a nanny having adult interaction. But I view failing to mention a planned meet up with someone she knows is the equivalent of hiding something. Why on earth not just mention it when either saying where they will be going or after while giving a run down of the day? The nanny responses to this question always seem to be "well if you trust her ..." But here is the thing - not being completely truthful and honest goes towards whether or not you can trust the nanny. Trust is earned and developed through a demonstration of honesty and integrity, not handed over on a silver platter. That has nothing to do with whether or not the nanny needs adult interaction. OP has already said she wouldn't have said no if the nanny had asked.

Seriously? Why do you guys think your kids are so interesting that nannies would be happy being around them all day with no adult interaction?

They went to the place the nanny said they went to, what exactly is the problem?

I don't know - I think it's weird for nannies to neglect to mention stuff like this. That goes directly to the "do you trust her" question - it's hard to trust someone completely when you discover they are not always telling you the whole truth. It's reasonable for parents to want to know where their kids are and who their kids are and it's just strange not to say "btw when we were at the Zoo we ran into my mom/boyfriend/best friend." It's such an easy thing to mention that it would make me wonder why she was hiding it and what else she was neglecting to mention. I'd tell her what your kids told you and let her know in the future that if they are meeting up with someone, you'd like to know in advance. Hopefully you can just leave it at that and that will resolve the issue going forward.

Too much. Do you trust her?
Unless she is leaving the children in the care of these people, what is the big deal? They were in a public place.
Don't make this an issue.

So here is a situation that over many years I experienced with 3 different nannies: nanny takes kids to a public place (zoo, museum, splash park, etc.) with my approval. Later from kids I found out there they met up nanny's friend or relative with kids of similar ages in that place, and all spent time together. I have never met these friends or their kids. Now, if the nanny asked me about it in advance, I would most likely ask a few questions about the people that my kids would meet, and then would say "great, the more the merrier". I also get that nanny needs some adult interaction, and meeting a friend at the zoo for a couple of hours and then having lunch while all the kids interact is a good idea. However, I find it kind of upsetting that I'm finding out about it from kids after the fact.

Why wouldn't nannies bring this up? Are they concerned that I'll be upset? I want to know whom my kids meet, but I can see an argument that this situation is kind of no different as chatting with a random mom and her kids at a playground. My husband thinks I should just let it I should let it go. His argument is that kids meet all sorts of people without us (eg, other parents chaperone school activities and we have zero info on them).

So, question: is it appropriate for a nanny not to tell MB about a plan to meet an adult and their children in a public place? If nanny runs into someone while out with kids, and that person and all kids end up spending 30-60 minutes together, should the nanny mention it to MB? In all situations kids are 4 years plus, so they will tell mom about their day anyway.