Anonymous wrote:
It is not that I don't think the child is old enough. I actually encouraged the mom to buy a potty seat when the child was one, and just start having her sit on it a few times each day (e.g. before bath) because I believe in starting early and training gently. My previous job was with twin boys, and they were fully trained by two and four months. I am not talking about disagreeing with the idea that my charge is ready to begin gradually potty training. I am disagreeing with MBs plan to put DC in diapers only for naps and bedtime starting on Monday. She believes that it will be a day or two of accidents and then everything will fall into place. I feel strongly that because my charge has never actually Peede when sitting on the potty, and does not appear able to identify when she has to go, that my charge will probably be having accidents for the entire week. Because my charge has the High strung personality that she does, I predict that she will not respond well to being wet several times today. I think she will find the accidents upsetting or even scary. I would like to encourage MB. To try something more gradual, but she is fixated on the idea that there is not time to go slowly and be responsive to DC. DC must be trained right now, and it must be a crash course. I am really worried about DC being traumatized, and especially about withholding poop (prone to constipation as is).

She will not be traumatized. Wearing wet underwear is not that different than a wet diaper. It is inconvenient for you to have to change her every few hours, but as long as you respond kindly, she will be fine.

Don't pick a fight w/ the MB or seem resistant to what she wants to try - it won't get you anywhere in the long run. And don't presume from the beginning that your charge will be scared, upset or traumatized - kids are very perceptive and if you think she's already manipulating the mother it's a pretty good bet that she'll find a way to fulfill your assumptions also.

Just gently comply and let it play out. If/when it doesn't work offer some other possibilities/approaches. Make it clear that you're working with, not against, the mother.

Try to do what your MB wants. Its her daughter afterall. If it doesn't work out, explain to her that she might need more time and the reasons why.

Anonymous wrote:I am a firm believer in early potty training. Try it. Our mothers and grandmothers were all toilet trained before the age of two. The disposable diapers changed the average age of toilet to three - and, as we all know, three-year-old children can be extremely willful. Much better to train before two.

It is not that I don't think the child is old enough. I actually encouraged the mom to buy a potty seat when the child was one, and just start having her sit on it a few times each day (e.g. before bath) because I believe in starting early and training gently. My previous job was with twin boys, and they were fully trained by two and four months. I am not talking about disagreeing with the idea that my charge is ready to begin gradually potty training. I am disagreeing with MBs plan to put DC in diapers only for naps and bedtime starting on Monday. She believes that it will be a day or two of accidents and then everything will fall into place. I feel strongly that because my charge has never actually Peede when sitting on the potty, and does not appear able to identify when she has to go, that my charge will probably be having accidents for the entire week. Because my charge has the High strung personality that she does, I predict that she will not respond well to being wet several times today. I think she will find the accidents upsetting or even scary. I would like to encourage MB. To try something more gradual, but she is fixated on the idea that there is not time to go slowly and be responsive to DC. DC must be trained right now, and it must be a crash course. I am really worried about DC being traumatized, and especially about withholding poop (prone to constipation as is).

I am a firm believer in early potty training. Try it. Our mothers and grandmothers were all toilet trained before the age of two. The disposable diapers changed the average age of toilet to three - and, as we all know, three-year-old children can be extremely willful. Much better to train before two.

Just gently try to get the child used to sitting on the potty, get used to the cues etc. Don't force it, just as you wouldn't with an older child who was ready. It's what the mom wants so just give it a shot. Maybe he will catch on or maybe not, but it can't hurt if you do it right. If Mom gets mad that it's not happening fast enough or it's not happening during your time with him then you might have to address it.

Say, "I think it would be wonderful if Larla could be potty trained by then, but in my experience it can be frustrating for everyone if we are pushing it before she's ready. Why don't we decide on a week to try and if it doesn't go well we can reevaluate her readiness? I'd hate to make the potty a source of stress and delay full (i.e. No accidents) training even further."

There are a lot of ways that I differ from my current MB on childcare approach, so I typically just bite my tongue and do it her way rather than rock the boat. It's not things that are putting DC at risk, just things that I think make life tougher (inconsistent discipline, etc.)

Now Mb is pregnant with #2 (Due around Halloween) and has decided that DC (will be 2 in 3 weeks) has to be potty trained by then. She feels that DC is ready because DC likes to watch a potty video and points at the toilet when you say "potty." She is also convinced that DC knows when she has to go because DC will point to her diaper and say "poop." My interpretation is that DC enjoys any screen time regardless of topic, and that DC does point and say "poop," but. I have yet to detect a correlation between that and having actually peed or pooped. I think DC just figured out that that gets attention and does it often because of that. DC is very emotional (diagnosed with self-regulation issues) and likes to play with her toy potty (by dragging it around and using as a stepstool for things she's not supposed to get into mostly), but doesn't like to sit on the potty and has expressed fear of the real toulet on several occasions. I predict that DC is going to have a tough time training this young and that the best case scenario will still lead to major regressions when the baby is born in just a few months.

Say something and if so, how to phrase it?