Anonymous
06/17/2014 08:51
Subject: Good Nannies maintain Healthy Boundaries
Our nanny is the one w/ the boundary issues - I wish she had some. It's hard to hear every physical ailment, every family challenge, every landlord gripe, etc...
And there have been occasions where I have had to tell her to stop the comments implying that she takes better care of my children than I do.
I trust this woman wholeheartedly with my children, (and I also do care for her personally after three years with our family) so I put up w/ a lot of things that drive me a little crazy, but I sure wish the nanny could take some lessons from some of you in how to keep work and personal lives separate.
And there have been occasions where I have had to tell her to stop the comments implying that she takes better care of my children than I do.
I trust this woman wholeheartedly with my children, (and I also do care for her personally after three years with our family) so I put up w/ a lot of things that drive me a little crazy, but I sure wish the nanny could take some lessons from some of you in how to keep work and personal lives separate.
Anonymous
06/17/2014 08:07
Subject: Re:Good Nannies maintain Healthy Boundaries
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:My healthy boundaries include not discussing my personal life with my employers. I pleasantly answer their personal questions with vague answers and change the conversation by asking a question about my charges. Another boundary is in stopping job creep by reminding them, again pleasantly, that what they are asking is not part of my job and nothing I have time for during my work day. Sure, I do favors from time to time and will always help out in an emergency - but I will not have unrealistic "chores" added to my work day nor accept my employers being late on a day-to-day basis silently.
In keeping myself in check, I remember that these are NOT my children and this job will end some day - no one has a nanny for life. I may question her request or add a suggestion to something the MB wants me to do for the children once but, in the end, what she wants is law.
Nice that you trust her judgement. I take it that she invests the time required to know a growing, and ever developing child.
As we well know from this forum, not every parent makes that her priority.
It doesn't matter if I trust her judgement or not - I am working for her. If a situation ever came up where I was 100% opposed to what she wanted like if she told me to spank or shame her kid as a form of discipline, I'd tell her what I thought and quit. Most of the stuff I don't agree with is small stuff.
At least you have SOME boundary! That's a step in the right direction.
Anonymous
06/17/2014 08:05
Subject: Re:Good Nannies maintain Healthy Boundaries
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:My healthy boundaries include not discussing my personal life with my employers. I pleasantly answer their personal questions with vague answers and change the conversation by asking a question about my charges. Another boundary is in stopping job creep by reminding them, again pleasantly, that what they are asking is not part of my job and nothing I have time for during my work day. Sure, I do favors from time to time and will always help out in an emergency - but I will not have unrealistic "chores" added to my work day nor accept my employers being late on a day-to-day basis silently.
In keeping myself in check, I remember that these are NOT my children and this job will end some day - no one has a nanny for life. I may question her request or add a suggestion to something the MB wants me to do for the children once but, in the end, what she wants is law.
Nice that you trust her judgement. I take it that she invests the time required to know a growing, and ever developing child.
As we well know from this forum, not every parent makes that her priority.
It doesn't matter if I trust her judgement or not - I am working for her. If a situation ever came up where I was 100% opposed to what she wanted like if she told me to spank or shame her kid as a form of discipline, I'd tell her what I thought and quit. Most of the stuff I don't agree with is small stuff.
Anonymous
06/17/2014 07:29
Subject: Re:Good Nannies maintain Healthy Boundaries
Anonymous wrote:My healthy boundaries include not discussing my personal life with my employers. I pleasantly answer their personal questions with vague answers and change the conversation by asking a question about my charges. Another boundary is in stopping job creep by reminding them, again pleasantly, that what they are asking is not part of my job and nothing I have time for during my work day. Sure, I do favors from time to time and will always help out in an emergency - but I will not have unrealistic "chores" added to my work day nor accept my employers being late on a day-to-day basis silently.
In keeping myself in check, I remember that these are NOT my children and this job will end some day - no one has a nanny for life. I may question her request or add a suggestion to something the MB wants me to do for the children once but, in the end, what she wants is law.
Nice that you trust her judgement. I take it that she invests the time required to know a growing, and ever developing child.
As we well know from this forum, not every parent makes that her priority.
Anonymous
06/17/2014 07:14
Subject: Re:Good Nannies maintain Healthy Boundaries
My healthy boundaries include not discussing my personal life with my employers. I pleasantly answer their personal questions with vague answers and change the conversation by asking a question about my charges. Another boundary is in stopping job creep by reminding them, again pleasantly, that what they are asking is not part of my job and nothing I have time for during my work day. Sure, I do favors from time to time and will always help out in an emergency - but I will not have unrealistic "chores" added to my work day nor accept my employers being late on a day-to-day basis silently.
In keeping myself in check, I remember that these are NOT my children and this job will end some day - no one has a nanny for life. I may question her request or add a suggestion to something the MB wants me to do for the children once but, in the end, what she wants is law.
In keeping myself in check, I remember that these are NOT my children and this job will end some day - no one has a nanny for life. I may question her request or add a suggestion to something the MB wants me to do for the children once but, in the end, what she wants is law.
Anonymous
06/17/2014 06:55
Subject: Good Nannies maintain Healthy Boundaries
Dc' nanny is wonderful. She has many years of experience whereas we werenew to the nanny world. She respectfully brought up any issues and helped us navigate through some of our ignorance as new employers. We certainly made mistakes, but she worked with us.
When DS was 18 months, his nap and sleep schedule went to hell and their nanny asked for a sit down so she could discuss different techniques shed used on other children and if we would like her to try one.
She has always offered to babysit on date nights, but has no problem declining if we bring up a date that doesn't work for her. Doesn't appear she has a fear it will make us mad.
Shes been with us for almost 5 years and an additional child, so id say both parties are pretty happy with the relationship
When DS was 18 months, his nap and sleep schedule went to hell and their nanny asked for a sit down so she could discuss different techniques shed used on other children and if we would like her to try one.
She has always offered to babysit on date nights, but has no problem declining if we bring up a date that doesn't work for her. Doesn't appear she has a fear it will make us mad.
Shes been with us for almost 5 years and an additional child, so id say both parties are pretty happy with the relationship
Anonymous
06/17/2014 05:52
Subject: Good Nannies maintain Healthy Boundaries
19:17 here. I don't think I'm a doormat. I've been blessed with great families and treated well by them in ALL respects.
Anonymous
06/17/2014 01:34
Subject: Good Nannies maintain Healthy Boundaries
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Even though I spend the majority of time with your child, I know when to step back and let you be mom. I respect your rules and your moods. I know how hard it is for you to leave your child with me everyday so you can work so I endeavor to make you feel at ease when your child is with me and in charge when your child is with you. I don't give advice, I make suggestions. I don't refer to your child as mine. They are not mine, they are yours. I'm there when you need me and away when you don't. I know when you want to talk and act like you're my friend and when you want to be left alone and act like I'm the help. I'm not your mom or your sister. I'm your employee. But I'm there if you need me. For anything.
You're the no-fuss nanny who does whatever she's told to do (and then some), described by PP above, right? Hope your retirement is around the corner, since you must be running ragged, and your MB says you have a damn big bank account, thanks to your having zero boundaries.
Do the kids shit on you to?
NP here. Actually, she sounds like a professional with high E.Q. to me. Going out of one's way to meet the employer's needs does not make one a doormat, it makes one a good employee who is secure enough to know that she doesn't need to be a PITA to get treated with respect.
SHOW me the MONEY (in her paycheck) and I'll tell you if she's a professional being treated with respect, as you claim.
On the other hand, if her paycheck/compensation package fail to reflect her no-fuss servitude and her "high EG", perhaps you are her charity case?
Anonymous
06/17/2014 00:57
Subject: Good Nannies maintain Healthy Boundaries
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Even though I spend the majority of time with your child, I know when to step back and let you be mom. I respect your rules and your moods. I know how hard it is for you to leave your child with me everyday so you can work so I endeavor to make you feel at ease when your child is with me and in charge when your child is with you. I don't give advice, I make suggestions. I don't refer to your child as mine. They are not mine, they are yours. I'm there when you need me and away when you don't. I know when you want to talk and act like you're my friend and when you want to be left alone and act like I'm the help. I'm not your mom or your sister. I'm your employee. But I'm there if you need me. For anything.
You're the no-fuss nanny who does whatever she's told to do (and then some), described by PP above, right? Hope your retirement is around the corner, since you must be running ragged, and your MB says you have a damn big bank account, thanks to your having zero boundaries.
Do the kids shit on you to?
NP here. Actually, she sounds like a professional with high E.Q. to me. Going out of one's way to meet the employer's needs does not make one a doormat, it makes one a good employee who is secure enough to know that she doesn't need to be a PITA to get treated with respect.
Anonymous
06/17/2014 00:00
Subject: Good Nannies maintain Healthy Boundaries
Anonymous wrote:Even though I spend the majority of time with your child, I know when to step back and let you be mom. I respect your rules and your moods. I know how hard it is for you to leave your child with me everyday so you can work so I endeavor to make you feel at ease when your child is with me and in charge when your child is with you. I don't give advice, I make suggestions. I don't refer to your child as mine. They are not mine, they are yours. I'm there when you need me and away when you don't. I know when you want to talk and act like you're my friend and when you want to be left alone and act like I'm the help. I'm not your mom or your sister. I'm your employee. But I'm there if you need me. For anything.
You're the no-fuss nanny who does whatever she's told to do (and then some), described by PP above, right? Hope your retirement is around the corner, since you must be running ragged, and your MB says you have a damn big bank account, thanks to your having zero boundaries.
Do the kids shit on you to?
Anonymous
06/16/2014 19:17
Subject: Good Nannies maintain Healthy Boundaries
Even though I spend the majority of time with your child, I know when to step back and let you be mom. I respect your rules and your moods. I know how hard it is for you to leave your child with me everyday so you can work so I endeavor to make you feel at ease when your child is with me and in charge when your child is with you. I don't give advice, I make suggestions. I don't refer to your child as mine. They are not mine, they are yours. I'm there when you need me and away when you don't. I know when you want to talk and act like you're my friend and when you want to be left alone and act like I'm the help. I'm not your mom or your sister. I'm your employee. But I'm there if you need me. For anything.
Anonymous
06/16/2014 18:50
Subject: Good Nannies maintain Healthy Boundaries
Doesn't contact us on weekends or during vacations.
Anonymous
06/16/2014 18:03
Subject: Good Nannies maintain Healthy Boundaries
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Doormat nannies allow you (and your kids!) to walk all over them. Perhaps that's precisely what some short-sighted and self-absorbed parents want?
What healthy boundaries does your nanny have?
My nanny does what I ask and doesn't raise a fuss, and that way she keeps a healthy bank account. I guess if you want healthy boundaries you can live on the street.
Ha, ha! Thanks for your honesty.
Anonymous
06/16/2014 17:59
Subject: Good Nannies maintain Healthy Boundaries
Anonymous wrote:Doormat nannies allow you (and your kids!) to walk all over them. Perhaps that's precisely what some short-sighted and self-absorbed parents want?
What healthy boundaries does your nanny have?
My nanny does what I ask and doesn't raise a fuss, and that way she keeps a healthy bank account. I guess if you want healthy boundaries you can live on the street.
Anonymous
06/16/2014 16:23
Subject: Good Nannies maintain Healthy Boundaries
Doormat nannies allow you (and your kids!) to walk all over them. Perhaps that's precisely what some short-sighted and self-absorbed parents want?
What healthy boundaries does your nanny have?
What healthy boundaries does your nanny have?