Anonymous
Post 06/16/2014 17:25     Subject: Found out MB has been lying to me.

Anonymous wrote:If an MB was posting that her nanny was declining to stay late claiming one reason when it was really another, most posters would be claiming that the nanny is untrustworthy and should be fired.
How is this any different?
What does it matter WHY this MB is lying, she is, period. Its kind of a big deal.


OP here. This is what I was getting at. If it was reversed, I would be talked to and possibly let go or at least given a warning about honesty and integrity. I expect the same from MB. Yes she may be hard on herself but it doesn't excuse her lying. If she lies about this, I don't know what else she could be or potentially lie about. It's not ok with me. My time is valuable and if I am going to spend it caring for your children, I at least should be given the respect of knowing the truth and where MB is if she is needed.
Anonymous
Post 06/16/2014 17:24     Subject: Re:Found out MB has been lying to me.

Anonymous wrote:Perhaps OP's MB reads this board and sees the judgement that many display toward working moms, particularly when they don't spend all of their free time with their kids. I'm fairly sure that nearly every single MB has felt some guilt surrounding the choices that she makes, particularly when she chooses "me" time. OP, I wouldn't worry about this at all. All it means is that your MB feels guilty about taking some time for herself, this has nothing to do with you or your relationship with her.

Typical double standard. Thanks.
Anonymous
Post 06/16/2014 17:14     Subject: Re:Found out MB has been lying to me.

Perhaps OP's MB reads this board and sees the judgement that many display toward working moms, particularly when they don't spend all of their free time with their kids. I'm fairly sure that nearly every single MB has felt some guilt surrounding the choices that she makes, particularly when she chooses "me" time. OP, I wouldn't worry about this at all. All it means is that your MB feels guilty about taking some time for herself, this has nothing to do with you or your relationship with her.
Anonymous
Post 06/16/2014 16:41     Subject: Found out MB has been lying to me.

Red flag here, OP.
Anonymous
Post 06/16/2014 16:34     Subject: Found out MB has been lying to me.

Its a stupid thing to lie about and would have me wondering as well. Its not what she's lying about, or whatever convoluted justifications she or others may have for it, she thinks it is okay to lie to you. To me that would be a problem. It would be one thing if she chose to keep the reason she is going out to herself, but to tell a boldfaced lie creates a trust issue.
Anonymous
Post 06/16/2014 16:21     Subject: Found out MB has been lying to me.

Anonymous wrote:If an MB was posting that her nanny was declining to stay late claiming one reason when it was really another, most posters would be claiming that the nanny is untrustworthy and should be fired.
How is this any different?
What does it matter WHY this MB is lying, she is, period. Its kind of a big deal.


That's why everyone should simply decline any request or invitation they don't want with an, "I'm so sorry, I have plans that night." No need to get specific or lie whether you're declining to work late or attend your friend's party. How does anyone survive post-college without knowing that?!

OP, I think your MB has her own feelings and issues and this is not about you. If staying late becomes a hardship for you, you can say that and she will probably ask you to stay late less often, but I don't think there's anything to do in this situation besides pretend you don't know and continue to be friendly and supportive of the family.
Anonymous
Post 06/16/2014 16:13     Subject: Found out MB has been lying to me.

Anonymous wrote:If an MB was posting that her nanny was declining to stay late claiming one reason when it was really another, most posters would be claiming that the nanny is untrustworthy and should be fired.
How is this any different?
What does it matter WHY this MB is lying, she is, period. Its kind of a big deal.

You certainly hit the nail on the head!
MB's have egg on their faces, yet again.
Of course, not all are like that. We know.
Anonymous
Post 06/16/2014 16:09     Subject: Found out MB has been lying to me.

If an MB was posting that her nanny was declining to stay late claiming one reason when it was really another, most posters would be claiming that the nanny is untrustworthy and should be fired.
How is this any different?
What does it matter WHY this MB is lying, she is, period. Its kind of a big deal.
Anonymous
Post 06/16/2014 16:04     Subject: Found out MB has been lying to me.

Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Let it go. My hunch is that she's either feeling judged by you in some way, or she's judging herself for choosing some personal time.

It's not really any business of yours as long as she gives you notice, you agree to stay, and you're paid - right?

I can tell you as a WOHM, and employer of a nanny, and someone who struggles mightily with trying to be a good mother/wife/employee/friend/daughter/sister/aunt/godmother and general citizen, that life is a constant struggle to juggle everything. I spend my life making difficult choices about time and priorities, and always feeling guilty about at least 2 things I'm not doing in any given day.

Choose the high road and try not to care at all, or to choose a compassionate interpretation. Be an ally, not an accuser.


OP here. I think my MB is a wonderful mother and I've told her so. I even said if she needs personal time or if DB and MB need a date night, I'd be happy to watch my charge. I don't ever make her feel guilty, but I know her mother and MIL have made comments about them making me work too much and her and DB not spending enough to time with their child. Maybe she worries I think the same.


Yes, maybe. But really - we are always our own worst critics (except for truly rotten people). I can almost guarantee that this has practically nothing to do with you and is just a function of her own conflicting feelings.

I know it may seem really silly to you, but being a mom is tough. And the version of that where you're also trying to have a career and maintain personal relationships is one I'm familiar with. I can imagine behaving like your MB and if I was lying to the nanny about why I needed her to stay it would be about my own issues, not anything to do with the nanny at all.

So why sabotage the efforts of a good nanny??
It's your own children who ultimately become your victims.
Anonymous
Post 06/16/2014 15:58     Subject: Found out MB has been lying to me.

Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Let it go. My hunch is that she's either feeling judged by you in some way, or she's judging herself for choosing some personal time.

It's not really any business of yours as long as she gives you notice, you agree to stay, and you're paid - right?

I can tell you as a WOHM, and employer of a nanny, and someone who struggles mightily with trying to be a good mother/wife/employee/friend/daughter/sister/aunt/godmother and general citizen, that life is a constant struggle to juggle everything. I spend my life making difficult choices about time and priorities, and always feeling guilty about at least 2 things I'm not doing in any given day.

Choose the high road and try not to care at all, or to choose a compassionate interpretation. Be an ally, not an accuser.


OP here. I think my MB is a wonderful mother and I've told her so. I even said if she needs personal time or if DB and MB need a date night, I'd be happy to watch my charge. I don't ever make her feel guilty, but I know her mother and MIL have made comments about them making me work too much and her and DB not spending enough to time with their child. Maybe she worries I think the same.


Yes, maybe. But really - we are always our own worst critics (except for truly rotten people). I can almost guarantee that this has practically nothing to do with you and is just a function of her own conflicting feelings.

I know it may seem really silly to you, but being a mom is tough. And the version of that where you're also trying to have a career and maintain personal relationships is one I'm familiar with. I can imagine behaving like your MB and if I was lying to the nanny about why I needed her to stay it would be about my own issues, not anything to do with the nanny at all.
Anonymous
Post 06/16/2014 15:46     Subject: Found out MB has been lying to me.

Anonymous wrote:Let it go. My hunch is that she's either feeling judged by you in some way, or she's judging herself for choosing some personal time.

It's not really any business of yours as long as she gives you notice, you agree to stay, and you're paid - right?

I can tell you as a WOHM, and employer of a nanny, and someone who struggles mightily with trying to be a good mother/wife/employee/friend/daughter/sister/aunt/godmother and general citizen, that life is a constant struggle to juggle everything. I spend my life making difficult choices about time and priorities, and always feeling guilty about at least 2 things I'm not doing in any given day.

Choose the high road and try not to care at all, or to choose a compassionate interpretation. Be an ally, not an accuser.


OP here. I think my MB is a wonderful mother and I've told her so. I even said if she needs personal time or if DB and MB need a date night, I'd be happy to watch my charge. I don't ever make her feel guilty, but I know her mother and MIL have made comments about them making me work too much and her and DB not spending enough to time with their child. Maybe she worries I think the same.
Anonymous
Post 06/16/2014 15:42     Subject: Found out MB has been lying to me.

Let it go. My hunch is that she's either feeling judged by you in some way, or she's judging herself for choosing some personal time.

It's not really any business of yours as long as she gives you notice, you agree to stay, and you're paid - right?

I can tell you as a WOHM, and employer of a nanny, and someone who struggles mightily with trying to be a good mother/wife/employee/friend/daughter/sister/aunt/godmother and general citizen, that life is a constant struggle to juggle everything. I spend my life making difficult choices about time and priorities, and always feeling guilty about at least 2 things I'm not doing in any given day.

Choose the high road and try not to care at all, or to choose a compassionate interpretation. Be an ally, not an accuser.
Anonymous
Post 06/16/2014 15:34     Subject: Found out MB has been lying to me.

Maybe she is lying because ate doesn't want you to judge the fact she is never home and doesn't spend time with her kid. If she says its work, you will feel she is obligated to go. Just my opinion.
Anonymous
Post 06/16/2014 15:22     Subject: Found out MB has been lying to me.

Nothing to be gained by bringing up the fact that she's a liar.
Anonymous
Post 06/16/2014 15:17     Subject: Found out MB has been lying to me.

This may be minor but it has me analyzing it. I work full-time but on occasions, both or one of employers, have asked me to stay late. I've always obliged except once when I had plans. I've stayed for both work and personal events for MB and DB. Two weeks ago, I worked late when DB was away on business and MB said she had a business's dinner. Her sister came to see her niece and let it slip about their dinner. Turns out it was her going to dinner with childhood friends. Last week almost the exact same thing happened. She said it was a work party but its personal. I have no problem working the extra hours but I am confused why MB feels the need to lie about it. I've never given any indication that I feel would warrant this. In not sure if or how I should bring it up. She has been acting lately as if I feel it's an issue to stay late, but I've always said I don't mind unless I'm busy, which I would say so. MB's, I'd like your insight the most.