Anonymous
06/16/2014 19:06
Subject: Re:Navigating Nanny World
Telework situations are one of the hardest so you a drinking from the fire hydrant on this one. In an ideal world you would have had a conversation up front about how to help her children transition to the setup including setting aside space for her to work where she is behind a closed door. At this point, if things are shaky then I would not rush into that conversation. I usually have DC help me to set a timer in the morning and at lunch time to tell us when MB has to go back to her space. We also do routine charts. Then you can let the timer or the chart be the bad guy. Ask DC to tell you what the day should go like and on MBs lunch have her add her ideas. Then, everyone knows we do story time and then play at the park, but only if all of the books are picked up. DC will resist at first hut if MB backs you up then DC will realize there's no tattling and getting a different rule.
I would ask MB what sorts of activities she would like you to do rather than starting with how much she is open to spending. Take your cue from her, get her list then research costs and then you can talk about logistics of money management. She is more likely to spend on activities that she values for DC.
Take DC to the park right away after breakfast. Create a routine of saying bye bye for now. in the morning it will be cooler outside and the park won't be swamped with the day care kids yet. Then build on that after a few weeks by adding an at home bye bye such as after lunch. The timer would be great here, transitioning to the driveway to do chalk drawing or the back yard or a special place for reading.
I would ask MB what sorts of activities she would like you to do rather than starting with how much she is open to spending. Take your cue from her, get her list then research costs and then you can talk about logistics of money management. She is more likely to spend on activities that she values for DC.
Take DC to the park right away after breakfast. Create a routine of saying bye bye for now. in the morning it will be cooler outside and the park won't be swamped with the day care kids yet. Then build on that after a few weeks by adding an at home bye bye such as after lunch. The timer would be great here, transitioning to the driveway to do chalk drawing or the back yard or a special place for reading.
Anonymous
06/16/2014 13:31
Subject: Navigating Nanny World
For the outings, just Ask what budget she has in mind. $20 a week? $20 month? Only free things or things they already have memberships to? Seriously, just ask. Then ask them to leave some petty cash.
Anonymous
06/16/2014 13:20
Subject: Navigating Nanny World
3 yr old is a spoiled brat and under no circumstances use your money, ever.
Anonymous
06/16/2014 11:15
Subject: Navigating Nanny World
For item number 3, I agree with a couple other posters. Have the MB give you money upfront and then provide her with all of the receipts. Stop spending your own money and then ask to be reimbursed. This should take care of that issue. If she doesn't provide the money, stop the outings until she does.
Anonymous
06/16/2014 11:10
Subject: Navigating Nanny World
I leave money for the nanny in a kitchen drawer, which she uses to take the kids on outings. If the money is gone, I replenish it but otherwise nanny and I don't talk about reimbursements. I know what they do because of the daily log the nanny leaves for me (she doesn't leave prices, but says they did x, y and z). Would something like that work for you?
Anonymous
06/16/2014 09:54
Subject: Navigating Nanny World
Regarding the outings maybe you should ask first. Say I would like to take the kids to the zoo it will cost around 20 is that okay? Try to get the money upfront. If it becomes like pulling teeth then they want you to take the kids to the playground, or the library. Do they belong to a pool? I take my charges to the pool almost everyday in the summer. Free entertainment.
Anonymous
06/16/2014 09:36
Subject: Re:Navigating Nanny World
MB here.
1. It's not about you, it's the child and her relationship with her mom. My daughter is 6 and super attached to me and we get this sometimes with our nanny, though over time it has dwindled. Important that everyone is on the same page, consistent with discipline etc so there is no room for 'bargaining' or complaining.
2. Think you've had some good advice on this. Logs/journals/notebooks are fantastic for communication. You could also menu plan in advance to allay her concerns on food and let her make any suggestions.
3. Seems strange to ask for outings and then balk at $30 for a couple of weeks of outings. You should ask her if she has a budget in mind for outings. Maybe do some research and present her with the various places you could go and the costs associated. Try to find more free stuff to do?
Good luck, you sound great!
1. It's not about you, it's the child and her relationship with her mom. My daughter is 6 and super attached to me and we get this sometimes with our nanny, though over time it has dwindled. Important that everyone is on the same page, consistent with discipline etc so there is no room for 'bargaining' or complaining.
2. Think you've had some good advice on this. Logs/journals/notebooks are fantastic for communication. You could also menu plan in advance to allay her concerns on food and let her make any suggestions.
3. Seems strange to ask for outings and then balk at $30 for a couple of weeks of outings. You should ask her if she has a budget in mind for outings. Maybe do some research and present her with the various places you could go and the costs associated. Try to find more free stuff to do?
Good luck, you sound great!
Anonymous
06/16/2014 07:25
Subject: Navigating Nanny World
Anonymous wrote:I am new to nanny world. Was a teacher for years and then moved mid-year so thought I'd try the nanny thing. I met a family with 2 awesome kiddos and they seemed nice enough etc. I have been mostly an observer on this board and don't have particularly "thick skin" so please be kind if you don't mind. I have several issues. I am just going to post a couple "biggies" and if you wouldn't mind sharing your thoughts that'd be great. I am open to hearing it is me and I need to change.
1. This is one of bigger. The older DC is 3 years old. We get along fine most of the time and she seems to like me/bond with me. However sometimes MB works from home and she clings to her and won't listen to me and goes on and on about how she "hates me" etc. Sometimes she is like this toward me at end of day as well. Is this normal? Am I not bonding well enough? Could we be a bad match? I want to do what's best for DC...when I was teaching my students literally LOVED me (or so it seemed) and I loved them too...
2. I feel micromanaged at times. I have a double masters in education and child development and still MB will leave notes about making sure kids eat from all five food groups, wash hands etc. I do lessons with kiddos, science experiments, reading, and loads of outings. I feel I am an exceptional nanny and I do everything I can for the kiddos. Does MB not trust me? Should I not take it so personal...She also only wants very limited amount of TV (I agree with her) but even wants to dictate times this is allowed. I wish I had more say in it.
3. Reimbursements etc. When hired she said she wanted almost daily outings etc. Then she said she'd reimburse my expenses. Call me crazy but when it is 1.47 or a small amount I typically don't say anything. The other week when my paycheck was coming up I asked for $30 in total reimbursements over 2 weeks and gave outlines (museum tickets etc) and it was a huge deal! I really don't understand...
I have a few other things b
ut decided to cut this short. Any advice especially regarding item one is helpful. This is SO much more difficult than I thought it would be! Who knew 2 kiddos would be just as difficult as a classroom in many ways.
The best to start bean a nanny is :get a new born,toddle is coming with the bag full of bad manages and spoiled by parents.
Anonymous
06/16/2014 07:08
Subject: Navigating Nanny World
OP, you sound to me like a fair and competent new (!) nanny. I do not know what to make of the first situation. For the three year old to say she hates you sometimes is quite out of line. It could just be a personality thing where your personalities just don't mesh or perhaps the little girl is telling her mother this because she wants mommy to spend time w/her instead of the nanny. This could possibly be a ploy on her part and having nothing really to do with you at all.
Also, the mother's micromanaging issue is also a personality thing as well. The mother seems very Type A to me and seems like she likes things a certain way...Mainly HER way or the highway. As for being reimbursed, you should always be reimbursed for every penny you spend on outings, including mileage for your car if you are using your vehicle.
That being said, what I recommend is that you find a new position. Why?
Well as a schoolteacher, you had a classroom of young children who you had complete autonomy over on a daily basis. You were in charge of them + you did everything yourself and did a fine job in doing so. Now in this job, you are currently working directly under someone else with little autonomy it seems.
As a nanny who has worked for parents who telecommute, I find these positions to be the most challenging. By nature, the children behave differently and the parents tend to micromanage a lot more even though they are supposed to be working at the time.
I think you would do best in a position w/a family where the parents work outside of the home and you can have complete autonomy to plan the day for the children as you please, of course honoring the parent's orders.
Also, this mother is a little uptight to me so I also suggest you find a family who is a little more easy going and laid back. There are some out there, I work for a few.
I hope this helps out a bit.
Sometimes it takes a little trial & error to find that perfect match, but when you do, you will see it was well worth the time and effort!
Also, the mother's micromanaging issue is also a personality thing as well. The mother seems very Type A to me and seems like she likes things a certain way...Mainly HER way or the highway. As for being reimbursed, you should always be reimbursed for every penny you spend on outings, including mileage for your car if you are using your vehicle.
That being said, what I recommend is that you find a new position. Why?
Well as a schoolteacher, you had a classroom of young children who you had complete autonomy over on a daily basis. You were in charge of them + you did everything yourself and did a fine job in doing so. Now in this job, you are currently working directly under someone else with little autonomy it seems.
As a nanny who has worked for parents who telecommute, I find these positions to be the most challenging. By nature, the children behave differently and the parents tend to micromanage a lot more even though they are supposed to be working at the time.
I think you would do best in a position w/a family where the parents work outside of the home and you can have complete autonomy to plan the day for the children as you please, of course honoring the parent's orders.
Also, this mother is a little uptight to me so I also suggest you find a family who is a little more easy going and laid back. There are some out there, I work for a few.
I hope this helps out a bit.
Sometimes it takes a little trial & error to find that perfect match, but when you do, you will see it was well worth the time and effort!
Anonymous
06/16/2014 06:44
Subject: Re:Navigating Nanny World
You walked into one of the toughest situations with a work at home Mom and a clingy 3 year old. If the Mom doesn't set limits with the 3 yr old there is nothing you can do.
The Mother sounds like a control freak - just answer "of course" when she asks you to do something obvious.
And she should have paid you for the outings or made clear that all outings should be free.
You got a not great job as you first job - it happens. Get a great recommendation from this and find a new job. As a former teacher myself and now a nanny, I can tell you that we are in great demand by a certain type of MB who wants an educator/caregiver rather than a housekeeper/caregiver.
The Mother sounds like a control freak - just answer "of course" when she asks you to do something obvious.
And she should have paid you for the outings or made clear that all outings should be free.
You got a not great job as you first job - it happens. Get a great recommendation from this and find a new job. As a former teacher myself and now a nanny, I can tell you that we are in great demand by a certain type of MB who wants an educator/caregiver rather than a housekeeper/caregiver.
Anonymous
06/16/2014 00:27
Subject: Re:Navigating Nanny World
OP here- thanks for the tips regarding expense report and greater communication. I will definitely work on both of these. I think a notebook log could be very helpful. I am going to start this ASAP
I do realize it is a more intense/personal relationship. I was looking forward to it actually. I just don't feel very liked in the home. I try to take care of everything's I can possibly help out with (laundry, general upkeep, errands). It just seems like MB and I have such different personalities etc. The one year old is amazing and soooooooo cute but the 3 year old is a handful. I definitely do feel the control is harder as it is the I house and not my classroom or whatever. I am really trying but it's a struggle. I wish I knew what to do. I also really wish MB at least worked in a different room on the days she was at home just for sake of helping 3 year old to let her know mom must work when at home. It feels like a dance to get 3 year old to give mom enough space to work,
I do realize it is a more intense/personal relationship. I was looking forward to it actually. I just don't feel very liked in the home. I try to take care of everything's I can possibly help out with (laundry, general upkeep, errands). It just seems like MB and I have such different personalities etc. The one year old is amazing and soooooooo cute but the 3 year old is a handful. I definitely do feel the control is harder as it is the I house and not my classroom or whatever. I am really trying but it's a struggle. I wish I knew what to do. I also really wish MB at least worked in a different room on the days she was at home just for sake of helping 3 year old to let her know mom must work when at home. It feels like a dance to get 3 year old to give mom enough space to work,
Anonymous
06/16/2014 00:16
Subject: Navigating Nanny World
Is this your first job as a nanny? Not that all your degrees aren't wonderful and not that you weren't a great teacher, but nannying is different. It's a much more intense relationship because there are so fewer kids, plus you're in their house.
I'd sort of just let the mom micromanage with her reminders and give a "Yep, I'm on it!" or "Right, that's on my mental list!" cheerfully and let it roll off your back.
For reimbursements, provide her with an expense report complete with receipts (make a copy of this for yourself before giving it to her).
I'd sort of just let the mom micromanage with her reminders and give a "Yep, I'm on it!" or "Right, that's on my mental list!" cheerfully and let it roll off your back.
For reimbursements, provide her with an expense report complete with receipts (make a copy of this for yourself before giving it to her).
Anonymous
06/16/2014 00:06
Subject: Navigating Nanny World
Anonymous wrote:I am new to nanny world. Was a teacher for years and then moved mid-year so thought I'd try the nanny thing. I met a family with 2 awesome kiddos and they seemed nice enough etc. I have been mostly an observer on this board and don't have particularly "thick skin" so please be kind if you don't mind. I have several issues. I am just going to post a couple "biggies" and if you wouldn't mind sharing your thoughts that'd be great. I am open to hearing it is me and I need to change.
1. This is one of bigger. The older DC is 3 years old. We get along fine most of the time and she seems to like me/bond with me. However sometimes MB works from home and she clings to her and won't listen to me and goes on and on about how she "hates me" etc. Sometimes she is like this toward me at end of day as well. Is this normal? Am I not bonding well enough? Could we be a bad match? I want to do what's best for DC...when I was teaching my students literally LOVED me (or so it seemed) and I loved them too...
2. I feel micromanaged at times. I have a double masters in education and child development and still MB will leave notes about making sure kids eat from all five food groups, wash hands etc. I do lessons with kiddos, science experiments, reading, and loads of outings. I feel I am an exceptional nanny and I do everything I can for the kiddos. Does MB not trust me? Should I not take it so personal...She also only wants very limited amount of TV (I agree with her) but even wants to dictate times this is allowed. I wish I had more say in it.
3. Reimbursements etc. When hired she said she wanted almost daily outings etc. Then she said she'd reimburse my expenses. Call me crazy but when it is 1.47 or a small amount I typically don't say anything. The other week when my paycheck was coming up I asked for $30 in total reimbursements over 2 weeks and gave outlines (museum tickets etc) and it was a huge deal! I really don't understand...
I have a few other things but decided to cut this short. Any advice especially regarding item one is helpful. This is SO much more difficult than I thought it would be! Who knew 2 kiddos would be just as difficult as a classroom in many ways.
1 - Some kids are just bad. I watch two kids who are extremely spoiled and I have tried to instill a little disciple. When we are together they have a BLAST and are all over me, laughing, loving life. As soon as mom and dad get home they don't even say good bye. They just start on mom and dad asking for iPad time, candy, dessert, TV, etc. And before that I had another duo that were much better behaved, but mom worked from home daily (but stayed out of our way 99% of the time in a closed off office) and sometimes when they really didn't want to listen they would try to run to mom. This is something you have to learn to deal with when you have a stay at home parent unless they have been diligent in training their children to understand that when mommy or daddy is working they can not ever be disturbed and the nanny is in charge. Most parents don't do this.
2 - Maybe she feels the need to leave you notes because she isn't getting the full story from the kids. My charges now are both school age and if mom and dad were to ask them what they ate today for dinner they would likely not mention everything, especially neglecting to mention the vegetables. For example, if they had hamburgers, broccoli, fruit, etc they would just say "hamburgers" when asked what they ate. And even when pressed for "anything else?" they would likely say no. That's just how they are. My MB doesn't leave notes, but I make sure to give her the full story more often then not before I leave. "So and so ate really well tonight, they have burgers and broccoli with some fruit." Basically you just need to work on your communication without being intrusive.
3 - When people want outings they usually want free ones. If you think she wants paid outings I would always ask for a $20 up front and bring back change. If it goes over put it on your debit card and bring a receipt. I hate the reimbursement game unless the family is very wealthy and won't bat an eye even if I were to say "oops we spent $150 today."
Anonymous
06/15/2014 23:35
Subject: Navigating Nanny World
I am new to nanny world. Was a teacher for years and then moved mid-year so thought I'd try the nanny thing. I met a family with 2 awesome kiddos and they seemed nice enough etc. I have been mostly an observer on this board and don't have particularly "thick skin" so please be kind if you don't mind. I have several issues. I am just going to post a couple "biggies" and if you wouldn't mind sharing your thoughts that'd be great. I am open to hearing it is me and I need to change.
1. This is one of bigger. The older DC is 3 years old. We get along fine most of the time and she seems to like me/bond with me. However sometimes MB works from home and she clings to her and won't listen to me and goes on and on about how she "hates me" etc. Sometimes she is like this toward me at end of day as well. Is this normal? Am I not bonding well enough? Could we be a bad match? I want to do what's best for DC...when I was teaching my students literally LOVED me (or so it seemed) and I loved them too...
2. I feel micromanaged at times. I have a double masters in education and child development and still MB will leave notes about making sure kids eat from all five food groups, wash hands etc. I do lessons with kiddos, science experiments, reading, and loads of outings. I feel I am an exceptional nanny and I do everything I can for the kiddos. Does MB not trust me? Should I not take it so personal...She also only wants very limited amount of TV (I agree with her) but even wants to dictate times this is allowed. I wish I had more say in it.
3. Reimbursements etc. When hired she said she wanted almost daily outings etc. Then she said she'd reimburse my expenses. Call me crazy but when it is 1.47 or a small amount I typically don't say anything. The other week when my paycheck was coming up I asked for $30 in total reimbursements over 2 weeks and gave outlines (museum tickets etc) and it was a huge deal! I really don't understand...
I have a few other things but decided to cut this short. Any advice especially regarding item one is helpful. This is SO much more difficult than I thought it would be! Who knew 2 kiddos would be just as difficult as a classroom in many ways.
1. This is one of bigger. The older DC is 3 years old. We get along fine most of the time and she seems to like me/bond with me. However sometimes MB works from home and she clings to her and won't listen to me and goes on and on about how she "hates me" etc. Sometimes she is like this toward me at end of day as well. Is this normal? Am I not bonding well enough? Could we be a bad match? I want to do what's best for DC...when I was teaching my students literally LOVED me (or so it seemed) and I loved them too...
2. I feel micromanaged at times. I have a double masters in education and child development and still MB will leave notes about making sure kids eat from all five food groups, wash hands etc. I do lessons with kiddos, science experiments, reading, and loads of outings. I feel I am an exceptional nanny and I do everything I can for the kiddos. Does MB not trust me? Should I not take it so personal...She also only wants very limited amount of TV (I agree with her) but even wants to dictate times this is allowed. I wish I had more say in it.
3. Reimbursements etc. When hired she said she wanted almost daily outings etc. Then she said she'd reimburse my expenses. Call me crazy but when it is 1.47 or a small amount I typically don't say anything. The other week when my paycheck was coming up I asked for $30 in total reimbursements over 2 weeks and gave outlines (museum tickets etc) and it was a huge deal! I really don't understand...
I have a few other things but decided to cut this short. Any advice especially regarding item one is helpful. This is SO much more difficult than I thought it would be! Who knew 2 kiddos would be just as difficult as a classroom in many ways.