Aww it's nice to see what originally seemed like a bad MB story turned out to be really sweet!

UPDATE: I had a longgggggg conversation with MB about the party. Apparently they have a membership to an ultra exclusive private pool with a lot of luxury amenities and she really wanted me to go and feel spoiled for a few hours. I appreciated the thought and thanked her for wanting to make me feel special. I also appreciate the idea of pampering someone who, in my case, can't really afford that sort of stuff. However, I needed an opportunity to say goodbye to the kids and grandparents I had come to love. Less important but true, I don't swim and a fancy pool to someone who does not swim is just as much a of death trap!

She was receptive to my desire to have something low key at home with a bunch of kids running around - because I know and love those kids and will miss them. What she actually did was much, much more special. I have always wanted to learn to cook Ethiopian food and she invited an Ethiopian friend who loves to cook to teach me some recipes and make a wonderful dinner. Everyone was in the kitchen getting messy together and then we had cake at the end of the night. Each family member took a turn telling a memory about me that was special to them. It was tears all around. I feel so loved!

Wow...Sounds like a self-serving event for your Momboss to me.

Something to make her look good in front of her friends and she hasn't even thought about how you would factor into it all.

She sounds like a clueless and thoughtless idiot.

I would act like I totally appreciated the lovely thought, but oh goodness (!) you have a prior commitment that day to clip your fingernails....err....rather do something else so you will be unavailable to attend, but do thank her for being so thoughtful for thinking of you and being so kind for planning such a wonderful event in your honor. Not!!

come up with an excuse like a graduation party or ceremony. then suggest something intimate like a dinner for just the 4 of you whatever as a special outing. if you want find a friend that you insist wants to meet your charge. something to shut down the party.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was on the fence about MBs suggested going away party for me. We have had our ups and downs and really aren't so close these days. I really just want to help DC to cope with my leaving so I said I would be honored. Since then I learned that the "party" is actually the monthly dinner party they have with their friends. I don't know anyone who will attend because its not in the neighborhood. Also, they are having the party at the pool. In all my years with the family I have turned down every invitation to the pool because I don't know how to swim and don't enjoy babysitting everyone else's drink while they swim. She should know this line by heart. More, I would ride with her so I can't leave when I am ready.

Am I obligated to still accept this invitation? How do I gracefully decline?

You should really learn how to swim. I don't know how people become adults and never swim.

I'm not the OP, but I have huge fears of water and have since I was a baby.

Which is something that is probably inhibiting your life in some way. You're missing out on pools and swimming. Will you never get in a boat? Go to the ocean? You need to see a therapist.

I go in boats almost every time the opportunity presents itself (which is fewer than a dozen times in my entire life). I don't ENJOY pools and swimming. That's like saying "but you're missing out on tuna salad!" when I say I hate tuna fish. I don't feel like I'm missing out at all.

Anonymous wrote:I would feel really uncomfortable attending a party that was clearly planned for your MB rather than for you/DC. As PP suggested, I would tell her that you just realized it's your sister's/close cousin's/whoever's graduation party or something, and that you haven't seen your extended family in a while. Even if she acts like she's hurt I doubt she really is since the party is obviously a social event for her.

+1. I'm a MB and would never dream of treating a departing nanny like this. She obviously knows a going away party would be a nice thing to do but now can't be bothered to do it properly and is just adding you to an event that she would normally arrange anyway. It is unfortunate that you might have to lie to get out of it though. Is it too late to say that you feel awkward about the situation since you don't swim and don't know her friends, and would prefer to just have a little tea party at home? If so, then do go the 'little white lie' route, I guess. I don't want to overcomplicate things but what might make it feel easier is if you do actually plan something special with your mother of BF at that time, and you can say that they had already booked it as a surprise but when they heard about the party they had to tell you ...

I would feel really uncomfortable attending a party that was clearly planned for your MB rather than for you/DC. As PP suggested, I would tell her that you just realized it's your sister's/close cousin's/whoever's graduation party or something, and that you haven't seen your extended family in a while. Even if she acts like she's hurt I doubt she really is since the party is obviously a social event for her.

Just go and set up a friend to pick you up When you think you've had enough.

I think MB felt obligated to do something for the going away but wasn't willing to make any sacrifice of her time to make it special for DC.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was on the fence about MBs suggested going away party for me. We have had our ups and downs and really aren't so close these days. I really just want to help DC to cope with my leaving so I said I would be honored. Since then I learned that the "party" is actually the monthly dinner party they have with their friends. I don't know anyone who will attend because its not in the neighborhood. Also, they are having the party at the pool. In all my years with the family I have turned down every invitation to the pool because I don't know how to swim and don't enjoy babysitting everyone else's drink while they swim. She should know this line by heart. More, I would ride with her so I can't leave when I am ready.

Am I obligated to still accept this invitation? How do I gracefully decline?

You should really learn how to swim. I don't know how people become adults and never swim.

I'm not the OP, but I have huge fears of water and have since I was a baby.

me too.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was on the fence about MBs suggested going away party for me. We have had our ups and downs and really aren't so close these days. I really just want to help DC to cope with my leaving so I said I would be honored. Since then I learned that the "party" is actually the monthly dinner party they have with their friends. I don't know anyone who will attend because its not in the neighborhood. Also, they are having the party at the pool. In all my years with the family I have turned down every invitation to the pool because I don't know how to swim and don't enjoy babysitting everyone else's drink while they swim. She should know this line by heart. More, I would ride with her so I can't leave when I am ready.

Am I obligated to still accept this invitation? How do I gracefully decline?

You should really learn how to swim. I don't know how people become adults and never swim.

I'm not the OP, but I have huge fears of water and have since I was a baby.

Which is something that is probably inhibiting your life in some way. You're missing out on pools and swimming. Will you never get in a boat? Go to the ocean? You need to see a therapist.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I was on the fence about MBs suggested going away party for me. We have had our ups and downs and really aren't so close these days. I really just want to help DC to cope with my leaving so I said I would be honored. Since then I learned that the "party" is actually the monthly dinner party they have with their friends. I don't know anyone who will attend because its not in the neighborhood. Also, they are having the party at the pool. In all my years with the family I have turned down every invitation to the pool because I don't know how to swim and don't enjoy babysitting everyone else's drink while they swim. She should know this line by heart. More, I would ride with her so I can't leave when I am ready.

Am I obligated to still accept this invitation? How do I gracefully decline?

You should really learn how to swim. I don't know how people become adults and never swim.

I'm not the OP, but I have huge fears of water and have since I was a baby.

Anonymous wrote:I was on the fence about MBs suggested going away party for me. We have had our ups and downs and really aren't so close these days. I really just want to help DC to cope with my leaving so I said I would be honored. Since then I learned that the "party" is actually the monthly dinner party they have with their friends. I don't know anyone who will attend because its not in the neighborhood. Also, they are having the party at the pool. In all my years with the family I have turned down every invitation to the pool because I don't know how to swim and don't enjoy babysitting everyone else's drink while they swim. She should know this line by heart. More, I would ride with her so I can't leave when I am ready.

Am I obligated to still accept this invitation? How do I gracefully decline?

You should really learn how to swim. I don't know how people become adults and never swim.

Come up with an unavoidable conflict (only you know what day this party is, but maybe a family member's graduation, birthday celebration (not on the day), or a long-awaited visit from out of state will be made known to you before then) and express your regrets. Assure her there is no need to reschedule but that you'll plan a special goodbye outing for the kids and some of their playmates/your nanny/mom friends during a workday (her most flexible) and say you'd love to have her join you all.

Then also plan a separate something for yourself and the kids that you REALLY want to do and think about that as your going away party, just never say anything about it being special to the kids or the parents. Like if it were me, I'd take my charges to the zoo (I'm not in DC and we have never gotten to go as I don't drive at this particular job and the bus ride is exceptionally long) and just explain we were taking advantage of the beautiful weather.

I was on the fence about MBs suggested going away party for me. We have had our ups and downs and really aren't so close these days. I really just want to help DC to cope with my leaving so I said I would be honored. Since then I learned that the "party" is actually the monthly dinner party they have with their friends. I don't know anyone who will attend because its not in the neighborhood. Also, they are having the party at the pool. In all my years with the family I have turned down every invitation to the pool because I don't know how to swim and don't enjoy babysitting everyone else's drink while they swim. She should know this line by heart. More, I would ride with her so I can't leave when I am ready.

Am I obligated to still accept this invitation? How do I gracefully decline?