OP has every right to say no, just like nanny had every right to ask. For all we know this is a make or break situation for her, and she may decide to quit in order to do it any way. If that's the case, then there was certainly no harm in asking OP.

FWIW OP, I would think of this request less as a favor, and more as a request to re-negotiate the work agreement. This means you could ask for something in return. Would you be more willing if you were paying a lower nanny share rate for that day? Because I think you'd be justified in negotiating that, or some other benefit to you in exchange for this.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Jeez OP, she was just asking. It was a yes or no question. No need to feel taken advantage of or like it was an aggressive act on her part. SHE WAS JUST ASKING. If the answer is no, just say no. If you never ask for anything in life, then you never get anything. If you do ask for something, maybe you'll get it, maybe you won't, but you definitely won't if you don't ask. Haven't you ever asked an employer for ANYTHING?

Relax or this parenting thing is going to be really hard on you.

I completely disagree. IT DOES HURT TO ASK. The MB/DB are now in an unpleasant situation. The nanny should have known better than to ask such a huge imposition on the family she is working for. People do not like to say "no" in general - so be very judicious about when you feel you should put them, and you, in the position of denying or being denied a request.

I have quit nanny jobs for being asked various favors too often. I got tired and increasingly uncomfortable always having to say no.

This nanny was wrong in even asking! She is asking if she can take care of another baby with the OP's baby 20% of her work time! One day a week - 20% of her paid hours!

wah, they're in an unpleasant situation. We can't have that now, can we? Everyone must be completely comfortable at all times. OP needs to keep in mind that while she absolutely has the right to say no, it puts her in the situation where she really can't ask for any favors from the nanny either.

Nonsense. The nanny was way out of line. This "favor" request was beyond the pale. Of course both nanny and MB can request reasonable favors from each other in the future - asking someone to work late occasionally or take a morning off is hardly the same as asking that one-fifth of paid work time be split between your baby and the nanny's baby.


It's sad that you cannot understand that. Your work life in any field will be difficult for you.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Jeez OP, she was just asking. It was a yes or no question. No need to feel taken advantage of or like it was an aggressive act on her part. SHE WAS JUST ASKING. If the answer is no, just say no. If you never ask for anything in life, then you never get anything. If you do ask for something, maybe you'll get it, maybe you won't, but you definitely won't if you don't ask. Haven't you ever asked an employer for ANYTHING?

Relax or this parenting thing is going to be really hard on you.

I completely disagree. IT DOES HURT TO ASK. The MB/DB are now in an unpleasant situation. The nanny should have known better than to ask such a huge imposition on the family she is working for. People do not like to say "no" in general - so be very judicious about when you feel you should put them, and you, in the position of denying or being denied a request.

I have quit nanny jobs for being asked various favors too often. I got tired and increasingly uncomfortable always having to say no.

This nanny was wrong in even asking! She is asking if she can take care of another baby with the OP's baby 20% of her work time! One day a week - 20% of her paid hours!

wah, they're in an unpleasant situation. We can't have that now, can we? Everyone must be completely comfortable at all times. OP needs to keep in mind that while she absolutely has the right to say no, it puts her in the situation where she really can't ask for any favors from the nanny either.

Of course you may tell her no, and she may walk. That's the worst that can happen.

Consider this: things change and none of us has any way of knowing how or when. Perhaps you will be asking her to take care of another child because a death in the family has left you with a new obligation or to work between two houses because the house was sold your recent divorce settlement, or any other unforeseen, unfortunate situation. Maybe her daughter had childcare that fell through. Or maybe she wanted to let you see what a nurturing caregiver she is before suggesting it. You do not have to say 'yes' but you also don't have to assume she had bad intentions. Life happens to all of us OP.

Anonymous wrote:Jeez OP, she was just asking. It was a yes or no question. No need to feel taken advantage of or like it was an aggressive act on her part. SHE WAS JUST ASKING. If the answer is no, just say no. If you never ask for anything in life, then you never get anything. If you do ask for something, maybe you'll get it, maybe you won't, but you definitely won't if you don't ask. Haven't you ever asked an employer for ANYTHING?

Relax or this parenting thing is going to be really hard on you.

I completely disagree. IT DOES HURT TO ASK. The MB/DB are now in an unpleasant situation. The nanny should have known better than to ask such a huge imposition on the family she is working for. People do not like to say "no" in general - so be very judicious about when you feel you should put them, and you, in the position of denying or being denied a request.

I have quit nanny jobs for being asked various favors too often. I got tired and increasingly uncomfortable always having to say no.

This nanny was wrong in even asking! She is asking if she can take care of another baby with the OP's baby 20% of her work time! One day a week - 20% of her paid hours!

Jeez OP, she was just asking. It was a yes or no question. No need to feel taken advantage of or like it was an aggressive act on her part. SHE WAS JUST ASKING. If the answer is no, just say no. If you never ask for anything in life, then you never get anything. If you do ask for something, maybe you'll get it, maybe you won't, but you definitely won't if you don't ask. Haven't you ever asked an employer for ANYTHING?

Relax or this parenting thing is going to be really hard on you.

OP, you can just say no - there's no need to think of it as an aggressive ask or imagine your nanny is already planning on neglecting your child. Just say you and DH discussed it and you're not comfortable with it. If you think it might be something you'd see as an advantage when your child gets older, you can say that or keep it to yourself and wait to make the offer down the line if you're inclined.

No one gets much in this world they don't ask for so I don't see her request as a problem, but you certainly don't have to say yes!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So just tell her "Nanny, DH and I thought about your request over the weekend, and I'm sorry but we don't feel comfortable with this, as we intentionally hired a private nanny so that our newborn would get 100% of your attention."

If you want, you can add that she can leave 2 hours early each Friday through the summer or something if that's a possibility for you.

I always thought families hired nannies because they are so much cheaper then daycares. 250 per week for 1 child or 300 per week for however many kids you have. I guess if its only 1 child it wouldn't make much sense. But if you have 3 or 4 nannies are way more cost effective.

What? I pay over $700/wk for a 40-hour nanny.

+1 I'm a nanny and I earn more than $700/wk as a 40-hour nanny!

And to answer your question, OP - your nanny never should have asked you for this day-long weekly "favor". You should definitely say no. If you wanted to be in a nanny share then you would have joined one.

Say no, OP. There is no benefit for you if your nanny brings another child. The insurance liability alone is reason enough to say no. Your other concerns are very valid.

Be kind when you say no, but definitely say NO.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So just tell her "Nanny, DH and I thought about your request over the weekend, and I'm sorry but we don't feel comfortable with this, as we intentionally hired a private nanny so that our newborn would get 100% of your attention."

If you want, you can add that she can leave 2 hours early each Friday through the summer or something if that's a possibility for you.

I always thought families hired nannies because they are so much cheaper then daycares. 250 per week for 1 child or 300 per week for however many kids you have. I guess if its only 1 child it wouldn't make much sense. But if you have 3 or 4 nannies are way more cost effective.

What? I pay over $700/wk for a 40-hour nanny.

Anonymous wrote:So just tell her "Nanny, DH and I thought about your request over the weekend, and I'm sorry but we don't feel comfortable with this, as we intentionally hired a private nanny so that our newborn would get 100% of your attention."

If you want, you can add that she can leave 2 hours early each Friday through the summer or something if that's a possibility for you.

I always thought families hired nannies because they are so much cheaper then daycares. 250 per week for 1 child or 300 per week for however many kids you have. I guess if its only 1 child it wouldn't make much sense. But if you have 3 or 4 nannies are way more cost effective.

So just tell her "Nanny, DH and I thought about your request over the weekend, and I'm sorry but we don't feel comfortable with this, as we intentionally hired a private nanny so that our newborn would get 100% of your attention."

If you want, you can add that she can leave 2 hours early each Friday through the summer or something if that's a possibility for you.

I'm a nanny (and a parent of older children) and you have every right to say no. I don't think it is something that she should have asked for and now you are in a rough spot.

Claim the "I'm a new mother" excuse and tell you that you are really sorry but you are just not comfortable with that arrangement just yet.

Our nanny has asked if she can bring her own grandchild to our house once per week. Her young daughter had a baby who is close in age to our newborn.

This seems like an aggressive ask to my husband and me. I don't feel comfortable with this, as we intentionally hired a private nanny so that our newborn would get 100% of her attention. It seems like this would mean we effectively have a nanny share when she brings her grandchild, without the cost benefit. Our nanny also spends large amounts of time taking our newborn out of the house, which she spends with other nannies. It's hard for me to imagine that she wouldn't be spending a fair amount of that time showing her friends her own grandchild, and our newborn is likely to receive less attention. If both are crying, it's also hard for me to imagine our newborn getting the same attention when I'm not watching.

I want to be reasonable. She's trying to help her daughter return to school.

Our nanny also did not mention that she wanted to bring her grandchild once per week in her interviews.

Any perspectives from other parents in this situation would be helpful.