Anonymous wrote:OP here. This thread is what is wrong with DCUM. I politely asked a question. I fully agreed I may have been over-reacting and have no problem with anyone telling me so. What I have a problem with is the way people say it. You know nothing about me or my DC yet you are calling him names and putting me down.

Our previous nanny was with us for 3 years and had infinite patience so I guess I'm comparing the new nanny to her. And before everyone jumps on me and says I can't keep a nanny or I'm the reason she left - she left because we moved. She cried in her last day because she knew she would miss us.

I'm so done with DCUM. I don't know why people can't politely give advice. If the nannies here want to have good employers there is no reason they can't help people in a nice way. All this does is make me defensive and annoyed instead of saying you know what, I am over-reacting. I guess the anonymity of the forum makes people feel like they can be bullies.

You received advice - YOU OVER REACTED. Live and learn. You are actually astonishing people by even asking the question.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You should fire her immediately. It is far better to have a nanny who is willing to drive with distractions and take route guidance from a child than a horrible, no good, very bad nanny who would tell a child to "please be quiet." Remember: self-esteem first, safety last.

Was this really necessary? I asked an honest question. I NEVER mentioned firing her. Now whose over-reacting.

Fine. My tone was harsh and I apologize for that. But I genuinely have trouble taking you seriously. What is the problem here? The nanny is driving a new-to-her vehicle on a new-to-her route and your child is trying to correct her on the route (which she may intentionally have changed--I will often prefer a different route than the one my MB/DB prefer due to traffic, driving preferences, comfort with beltway vs. Waiting at lights, etc.) to the point where she does not feel she can safely focus on navigating. What would you like her to do in that situation?

And the facts that a) your child felt this was worth tattling to Mommy about and b) you took the tattling seriously and are upset with nanny and actively encouraged your child to tattle more in the future mean that you are setting the nanny up to fail. Your child now knows clearly that the pecking order is: Mommy>child>nanny. She is toast.

OP here. Ok, I do see your point. And FWIW I told DC sometimes we all go different ways but still get to school and that's ok. I honestly wasn't trying to set up the nanny to fail but I see how that could be the case. We had our last nanny for 3 years and I trusted her completely. I've done my due diligence win the new nanny and I guess I have to trust that, it's just hard starting with someone new after so long.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You should fire her immediately. It is far better to have a nanny who is willing to drive with distractions and take route guidance from a child than a horrible, no good, very bad nanny who would tell a child to "please be quiet." Remember: self-esteem first, safety last.

Was this really necessary? I asked an honest question. I NEVER mentioned firing her. Now whose over-reacting.

Fine. My tone was harsh and I apologize for that. But I genuinely have trouble taking you seriously. What is the problem here? The nanny is driving a new-to-her vehicle on a new-to-her route and your child is trying to correct her on the route (which she may intentionally have changed--I will often prefer a different route than the one my MB/DB prefer due to traffic, driving preferences, comfort with beltway vs. Waiting at lights, etc.) to the point where she does not feel she can safely focus on navigating. What would you like her to do in that situation?

And the facts that a) your child felt this was worth tattling to Mommy about and b) you took the tattling seriously and are upset with nanny and actively encouraged your child to tattle more in the future mean that you are setting the nanny up to fail. Your child now knows clearly that the pecking order is: Mommy>child>nanny. She is toast.

OP here. This thread is what is wrong with DCUM. I politely asked a question. I fully agreed I may have been over-reacting and have no problem with anyone telling me so. What I have a problem with is the way people say it. You know nothing about me or my DC yet you are calling him names and putting me down.

Our previous nanny was with us for 3 years and had infinite patience so I guess I'm comparing the new nanny to her. And before everyone jumps on me and says I can't keep a nanny or I'm the reason she left - she left because we moved. She cried in her last day because she knew she would miss us.

I'm so done with DCUM. I don't know why people can't politely give advice. If the nannies here want to have good employers there is no reason they can't help people in a nice way. All this does is make me defensive and annoyed instead of saying you know what, I am over-reacting. I guess the anonymity of the forum makes people feel like they can be bullies.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are WAY over-reacting!!! OMG, if your nanny not allowed to ever ask your child to be quiet?! She was driving!!! You are going to go through a lot of nannies if that is the case, MB.

I don't think that's necessarily true. It may be an over reaction but in 4 years I've never once told my DC to be quiet. I've told him "please be patient, mommy needs to concentrate on x, right now." But saying "be quiet" just isn't something in our vocabulary.

LOL Oh come on - that is insane!!! You don't think his teachers will tell him to be quiet once he's in school?! What about the "Please be Quiet" signs in libraries?!

Plus your language is off - you can be patient and talk at the same time. You and your child are extremely inaccurate with your language. You should definitely add the words "be quiet" to your vocabulary.

Perhaps you should teach you son to quiet down in the car.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are WAY over-reacting!!! OMG, if your nanny not allowed to ever ask your child to be quiet?! She was driving!!! You are going to go through a lot of nannies if that is the case, MB.

I don't think that's necessarily true. It may be an over reaction but in 4 years I've never once told my DC to be quiet. I've told him "please be patient, mommy needs to concentrate on x, right now." But saying "be quiet" just isn't something in our vocabulary.

Wow! You've been a parent for 4 years!!!! And you've never had to say be quiet! Now here is an exceptional parent everyone You have at least 14 more years of parenting to go, so please know that at some point you will need to ask your kid to be quiet, you will also say because I said so, and so on, and your snowflake won't break. Its a big bad world out there and you all are raising soft kids who won't survive.

Anonymous wrote:You should fire her immediately. It is far better to have a nanny who is willing to drive with distractions and take route guidance from a child than a horrible, no good, very bad nanny who would tell a child to "please be quiet." Remember: self-esteem first, safety last.

Was this really necessary? I asked an honest question. I NEVER mentioned firing her. Now whose over-reacting.

MB here. This sounds like a pretty major overreaction to me.

I would expect your 4 year old to be telling you a lot of these kinds of things if he senses an opportunity to make this kind of reaction work for him.

You are overreacting, and you are teaching your child to do so as well. You know she is nervous and is trying to focus. What you should have told your child was that when an adult you have put in charge asks him to be quiet that he should do it. Also by the, she is a human being. She is going to get angry, that is an emotion. Of course she shouldn't be yelling or lashing out, but I hope you don't expect her to ever get frustrated with your child, who honestly seems like a coddled busybody.

You are overreacting. I would say to take it easy but perhaps you need to also note this aspect of your personality (sensitive) and account for it in all your dealings with the nanny sense you probably cannot just change your personality.

You should fire her immediately. It is far better to have a nanny who is willing to drive with distractions and take route guidance from a child than a horrible, no good, very bad nanny who would tell a child to "please be quiet." Remember: self-esteem first, safety last.

Anonymous wrote:You are WAY over-reacting!!! OMG, if your nanny not allowed to ever ask your child to be quiet?! She was driving!!! You are going to go through a lot of nannies if that is the case, MB.

I don't think that's necessarily true. It may be an over reaction but in 4 years I've never once told my DC to be quiet. I've told him "please be patient, mommy needs to concentrate on x, right now." But saying "be quiet" just isn't something in our vocabulary.

You are WAY over-reacting!!! OMG, if your nanny not allowed to ever ask your child to be quiet?! She was driving!!! You are going to go through a lot of nannies if that is the case, MB.

We have a new nanny for about a week now. We had her do several trial days and I've been around quite a bit and so far she has seemed very good with DC. Yesterday she drove him to school for the first time without me. I know she gets a little concerned about driving a new car (she drives our car) when she's not familiar with the route but she said she was comfortable going herself yesterday. She went a slightly different way than our previous nanny did and she told me DC was telling her she wasn't going the right way. Anyway, I took him to school today and on the way he told me that yesterday nanny went a different way and then told him to be quiet. I asked him specifically what she said and he told me she said "X, can you please be quiet for a minute?" I totally get that he may have been distracting if he was telling her she's going the wrong way and I know a lot depends on her tone but I can't help but feel a little bothered that she told him to be quiet. Am I overreacting. He told me he was afraid she was going to be angry with him and I told him to tell me if she does. Please be kind in your responses. If I'm over reacting that's fine, I just honestly want to know what other people think.