Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is temporary. You are not staying these last fee weeks for MBs satisfaction, in fact your mission has changed: accept that you can not change this families functioning, determine how and when you can love and support your charge, and daily take time to repair the psychological warfare you're enduring. Period. His long-term happiness and well being have been taken out of your hands. You are released from the responsibility of controlling his daily experience. Shift your attention to building yourself back up in order to be ready to love the next one. They will need you to be whole in order to love them properly. I am not saying to mow over your feelings, the opposite; decide that you feel crappy right now but you can and will put your psyche back in order so you can keep doing the work you love.

Wrong, wrong, wrong. The sad truth is that this is not temporary. Don't you get it? This nanny will never forget the love she gave to this little boy. She loves him more than his parents do. She has been his primary caregiver most of his life. He may not remember her name, but he will most certainly suffer the permanent consequences of this broken attatchment. It's not pretty. His witch of a mother has a long, hard road ahead. But, hey, maybe she won't even notice her child grieving for his beloved nanny.

Calm down. The OP Nanny is handling this better than you! The child will be fine. Maybe the parents are awful but the consequences of that (if true) are far more significant than the "suffering...of this broken attachment" with the nanny.

Good heavens.

Don't you know anything about suddenly severed bonds with primary attatchments? You really should study up a little.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is temporary. You are not staying these last fee weeks for MBs satisfaction, in fact your mission has changed: accept that you can not change this families functioning, determine how and when you can love and support your charge, and daily take time to repair the psychological warfare you're enduring. Period. His long-term happiness and well being have been taken out of your hands. You are released from the responsibility of controlling his daily experience. Shift your attention to building yourself back up in order to be ready to love the next one. They will need you to be whole in order to love them properly. I am not saying to mow over your feelings, the opposite; decide that you feel crappy right now but you can and will put your psyche back in order so you can keep doing the work you love.

Wrong, wrong, wrong. The sad truth is that this is not temporary. Don't you get it? This nanny will never forget the love she gave to this little boy. She loves him more than his parents do. She has been his primary caregiver most of his life. He may not remember her name, but he will most certainly suffer the permanent consequences of this broken attatchment. It's not pretty. His witch of a mother has a long, hard road ahead. But, hey, maybe she won't even notice her child grieving for his beloved nanny.

Calm down. The OP Nanny is handling this better than you! The child will be fine. Maybe the parents are awful but the consequences of that (if true) are far more significant than the "suffering...of this broken attachment" with the nanny.

Good heavens.

OP you seem very reasonable. I am looking for a new nanny. What is your contact information?

OP. Through tears I do love this little man dearly, even after bites and kicks, as he gives me his very tight apologetic hug it's just the circumstances I have endured for so long been forced upon me without any pardon.

OP. I was never critical, never offered any unsolicited advice directly to her, only used my judgment while I was in charge. Or offered advise or research when she asked my opinion. I always was trying to conduct myself in a very professional manner, I pride myself with great ethics and I have a lot of respect for all of my employers and her as well.

On to bigger and brighter things op. keep your head up.

Anonymous wrote:This is temporary. You are not staying these last fee weeks for MBs satisfaction, in fact your mission has changed: accept that you can not change this families functioning, determine how and when you can love and support your charge, and daily take time to repair the psychological warfare you're enduring. Period. His long-term happiness and well being have been taken out of your hands. You are released from the responsibility of controlling his daily experience. Shift your attention to building yourself back up in order to be ready to love the next one. They will need you to be whole in order to love them properly. I am not saying to mow over your feelings, the opposite; decide that you feel crappy right now but you can and will put your psyche back in order so you can keep doing the work you love.

Wrong, wrong, wrong. The sad truth is that this is not temporary. Don't you get it? This nanny will never forget the love she gave to this little boy. She loves him more than his parents do. She has been his primary caregiver most of his life. He may not remember her name, but he will most certainly suffer the permanent consequences of this broken attatchment. It's not pretty. His witch of a mother has a long, hard road ahead. But, hey, maybe she won't even notice her child grieving for his beloved nanny.

OP here. Thank you so so very much for warm words. I just needed a pick up. I knew it was going to end and was ok with it, I was looking for a new job, but still enjoyed my little one. It just that the mean spirit of what she said last few days and today broke me.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:MB here. I'm sorry OP. It all sounds awful, and absolutely clear that the best thing for all sides is to walk away.

I think you should just assume that you and MB are both past the point of no return (and probably weren't a good fit from the beginning). So you just need to get through the next 4 weeks (or decide to cut your losses and walk away).

If you decide to stick out the 4 weeks then you need to be prepared to show up for the full day's work you're contracted for, regardless of the circumstances, and just tough it out. I can understand why you wouldn't want to do that, and maybe she's just hoping you'll walk away.

It's utterly miserable to continue to work in an environment that is openly hostile - and it sure sounds like that's what you're describing (on all sides).

Good luck. I hope you find a much better fit with your next position.

You probably didn't mean to, but it's completely disingenuous say it was a "bad fit." Some parents are simply nasty and abusive. OP's employer is a PERFECT example. Don't you think?

No, I don't assume that. I think that the MB probably has a version of the story where the nanny didn't get a raise and immediately made it clear she would be leaving. Maybe MB thinks the nanny was always critical of her family, her parenting style, her household, etc...

My hunch is that this relationship (between nanny and MB) was never very good. It's impossible to tell who is at fault, and I feel for OP having to suffer through 4 more weeks. But I can see enough anger in OP's post to imagine that there are complicated dynamics at play so I don't assume anyone is blameless. I was just trying to offer OP what she said she needed - a little kindness.

Anonymous wrote:MB here. I'm sorry OP. It all sounds awful, and absolutely clear that the best thing for all sides is to walk away.

I think you should just assume that you and MB are both past the point of no return (and probably weren't a good fit from the beginning). So you just need to get through the next 4 weeks (or decide to cut your losses and walk away).

If you decide to stick out the 4 weeks then you need to be prepared to show up for the full day's work you're contracted for, regardless of the circumstances, and just tough it out. I can understand why you wouldn't want to do that, and maybe she's just hoping you'll walk away.

It's utterly miserable to continue to work in an environment that is openly hostile - and it sure sounds like that's what you're describing (on all sides).

Good luck. I hope you find a much better fit with your next position.

You probably didn't mean to, but it's completely disingenuous say it was a "bad fit." Some parents are simply nasty and abusive. OP's employer is a PERFECT example. Don't you think?

This is temporary. You are not staying these last fee weeks for MBs satisfaction, in fact your mission has changed: accept that you can not change this families functioning, determine how and when you can love and support your charge, and daily take time to repair the psychological warfare you're enduring. Period. His long-term happiness and well being have been taken out of your hands. You are released from the responsibility of controlling his daily experience. Shift your attention to building yourself back up in order to be ready to love the next one. They will need you to be whole in order to love them properly. I am not saying to mow over your feelings, the opposite; decide that you feel crappy right now but you can and will put your psyche back in order so you can keep doing the work you love.

MB here. I'm sorry OP. It all sounds awful, and absolutely clear that the best thing for all sides is to walk away.

I think you should just assume that you and MB are both past the point of no return (and probably weren't a good fit from the beginning). So you just need to get through the next 4 weeks (or decide to cut your losses and walk away).

If you decide to stick out the 4 weeks then you need to be prepared to show up for the full day's work you're contracted for, regardless of the circumstances, and just tough it out. I can understand why you wouldn't want to do that, and maybe she's just hoping you'll walk away.

It's utterly miserable to continue to work in an environment that is openly hostile - and it sure sounds like that's what you're describing (on all sides).

Good luck. I hope you find a much better fit with your next position.

I don't suppose she'll be giving out your name as a reference to the next unsuspecting nanny?

If I could, I'd give you a great big hug, and the
Nanny of the Year award.

I am still in tears and shattered, though I am a very strong and confident person. I just need a good word or two from anybody. Theist is lonooong. Sorry, but I just need a little catharsis. Thanks for reading.

I am a well educated nanny with over 10 years of experience. I take care of a very lively, smart and sweet 2 year old boy for 15 months. I grew attached to him and enjoyed caring for him, and have been very dedicated and affectionate. I worked through some issues over the past year, and even was ok dealing with the fact that they kept his reflux a secret and I had to deal with projectile vomiting on a daily basis, even now that he is almost 2.5, he was constantly sick with colds, and RSV, and had to tend to him while he had a high fever, but recent accumulation of things left me exasperated. MB works mostly, 95%, from home and breathes down my neck, then I went though a renovation, then constant string of family visiting, who stay for weeks in the 1800sq townhouse with two baths.

Currently there are grandparents and aunt living in for 3 weeks, who constantly interfere, boss me around, tell me what to do, and expect me to clean up after them. I gently told my MB that it makes my job very challenging, and that my charge feels confused and pushes the boundaries knowing that grandparents will let him do pretty much anything. He wants nothing to do with me, but I am left to deal with the dirty work or aftermath. I am pleased to see him happy and bonding with his grandparents, but I feel very uncomfortable to be there, when there were times I needed to use the bathroom, and they were occupied for a long time, when I can't find a quiet spot to sit down, relax and eat my lunch while my charge is sleeping, when I am interrupted while I speak to my charge, and sabotaged all my efforts to provide quality care I was used to giving him.

Two months ago, after I asked for a one year anniversary raise in a very nice, professional way, MB got really unhappy and hostile. She gave me an appointment to talk (on my day off) three weeks away from the time I asked to tell me she couldn't give me a raise. Then I simply stated to her that while I enjoyed working for them I no longer wanted a raise and any changes to the contract(she wanted to give me a handful of new duties to justify the $0.50 hr raise, which I was not up for) this situation gets out of hand and it would be better for us to find a different solution. Basically gave her heads up I would be looking for a job.

Yesterday she gave me a 4 weeks notice. Great. No problem, we both new it was coming. I said it will end up being best for everyone. I came to work today on time, and with a smile on my face, ready to carry out the next 4 weeks of my employment. I texted her saying my charge had a second diarrhea and very acidic poop, possibly from eating to many fruits and not much else and that grandparents and aunt were taking charge of the kid and maybe I wasn't needed today, merely suggested she could give me rest of the day. She told me I couldn't handle him, and that if I leave I will be abandoning my job.

I know I put a lot of love and care and affection in helping to raise this little boy, teaching him to be confident, well mannered, showing him how to acknowledge somebody's feelings instead of dismissing them, showing him how to be compassionate, reading, singing, hugging, nurturing. I was so broken to get such mean responses from her and such insensitive and deaf reaction. She is a first time mom, completely relying on my expertise for one year and turning around to tell me I don't know how to handle the boy today. Indeed, after the grandparents interfered with breakfast and told me he is not hungry, instructed me to take him to the playground, against my recommendation, after 45 minutes of play I tell him it's time to go for lunch and nap. He throws a full blown tantrum, doesn't want to go, but screams he is hungry, thirsty, tired, sleepy, etc. I pick him up, he bites me to a bruise twice, he kicks me and screams. We come home and grandparents and aunt "rescue" him and lull him to sleep. I am left feeling like an unwanted piece of furniture.