Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thank you all for your suggestions. I definitely have some good ideas to consider. It seems her personality to give a lot and not ask for much in return so I'm trying to give her in other ways. I tried to stock foods she likes but she wouldn't tell me what I could buy for her. She brings her own food even though I told her to please help herself to anything we have. I figured out a few things she likes and made sure we had it but she won't eat anything when I offer it to her. I've told her how happy we are with her and how much we appreciate her and she says the same thing about us. I'm trying not to force things on her but I'm hoping she'll get more comfortable with us and take me up on some of my offers. I definitely plan to give her some bonuses.

You are incredibly kind. I have had access to food offered but did not take them up in it unless there were items set aside for my sole use. I was just worried about taking too much or unknowingly crossing a boundary (what if they mean everything but their one favorite item?).

OP here again. I understand what you mean but usually if there is something I am saving for myself I'll hide it somewhere she won't see it. If you're concerned though I'd say as long as you don't eat the last of something I think you should be fine.

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thank you all for your suggestions. I definitely have some good ideas to consider. It seems her personality to give a lot and not ask for much in return so I'm trying to give her in other ways. I tried to stock foods she likes but she wouldn't tell me what I could buy for her. She brings her own food even though I told her to please help herself to anything we have. I figured out a few things she likes and made sure we had it but she won't eat anything when I offer it to her. I've told her how happy we are with her and how much we appreciate her and she says the same thing about us. I'm trying not to force things on her but I'm hoping she'll get more comfortable with us and take me up on some of my offers. I definitely plan to give her some bonuses.

You are incredibly kind. I have had access to food offered but did not take them up in it unless there were items set aside for my sole use. I was just worried about taking too much or unknowingly crossing a boundary (what if they mean everything but their one favorite item?).

OP here. Thank you all for your suggestions. I definitely have some good ideas to consider. It seems her personality to give a lot and not ask for much in return so I'm trying to give her in other ways. I tried to stock foods she likes but she wouldn't tell me what I could buy for her. She brings her own food even though I told her to please help herself to anything we have. I figured out a few things she likes and made sure we had it but she won't eat anything when I offer it to her. I've told her how happy we are with her and how much we appreciate her and she says the same thing about us. I'm trying not to force things on her but I'm hoping she'll get more comfortable with us and take me up on some of my offers. I definitely plan to give her some bonuses.

Anonymous wrote:I'm really the only one who would insist she take the money? A lot of these other ideas sound kind of exhausting, and don't address the issue of blurring the lines between paid and free work.

I personally would have taken the cash. However, this nanny is clearly not like me. Out of respect for her decision, I can only suggest that her kindness be an example of how she wants to be treated in return.

Pay her! Tell her that in future years you hope to be able to invite her to birthday parties as a guest but given that she helped so much this time, you aren't comfortable not paying her. Then hand her the cash/check.

I'm really the only one who would insist she take the money? A lot of these other ideas sound kind of exhausting, and don't address the issue of blurring the lines between paid and free work.

Find a creative to pay it back. Maybe once a month you leave her lunch money to order something she likes. Maybe Stock a cabinet full with drinks and snacks for her sole use. Or, a "welcome to our family" care package with gift cards/ gifts from places near your home so she can get to know the area.

MB here. I agree re the gift card, but I would put it in a thank you card so you can write a nice message and make it clear how much you appreciated her help.

You could always go about it a different way: leave star bucks gift cards for her "oh, I had this gift card. Why don't you go get some coffee for yourself?" Or "there's a great restaurant down the road. Why not grab lunch today, my treat?"

Sounds like you found a wonderful nanny! Congratulations! Be good to her.


Since she would not accept payment, I would consider this a favor and not push her (just thank her) and I would remember this kindness. A bonus would be lovely but not necessary, IMO.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Give her a nice "first-30-days" bonus.
Congratulations to you all for finding each other.
Hope it goes well.

I like this idea. I would not do the first check but make an excuse like this.

Yeah, I would recommend some sort of signing bonus or even just a welcome gift.

Anonymous wrote:Give her a nice "first-30-days" bonus.
Congratulations to you all for finding each other.
Hope it goes well.

I like this idea. I would not do the first check but make an excuse like this.

Give her a nice "first-30-days" bonus.
Congratulations to you all for finding each other.
Hope it goes well.

I would insist. I would probably even tell her that this early in the relationship, it's a bad idea for either party to be unclear on what the expectations for pay are.

I would also take the hint that she would probably like to be invited as a guest in the future.

We just hired a new nanny who hasn't officially started yet but who has babysat for us several times so far until her official start day in a couple of weeks. We had a party for my DC a couple of days ago and I asked her to come and help watch the children. She was a HUGE help watching both DCs and even helped me stay organized and helped me clean up when it was over. I made sure she had time to sit down and eat at our table during the party and tried to include her in the adult conversation so she wasn't only stuck with the children.

Anyway, when she was leaving she thanked me for inviting her, I thanked her for her help and when I went to pay her she wouldn't take it. I wasn't sure hoe to handle it because she really was an enormous help to me and deserved to be paid but I also didn't want to be insulting and force it on her when she felt pleased we had included her. DH thinks I should have insisted and thinks we should just add it into her first pay check. I'm not sure if I should do that or if it would be insulting and if it would be better just to treat her well and reward her with a large bonus at bonus time. I feel so lucky we found her, no because of this but because she is REALLY wonderful with the children and SO helpful to me and she really goes above and beyond with everything she does. I really want her to be happy with us as well.