Anonymous
05/28/2014 13:50
Subject: Re:I didn't know I hired Ms. Manners
Anonymous wrote:(I am OP) I like the idea of my child being polite but I don't want a very authoritarian nanny. He spends every day with her. Surely he will internalize her strict demeanor and think he isn't good enough. She also refuses to answer if he calls her by her first name. She insists that she and any adult be called "Ms/Mr First Name." I have siblings, his aunts and uncles, who he calls by their first name. It seems really over the top for us.
One of the PPs. It sounds like you and your nanny aren't really on the same page in terms of child rearing. I don't see anything wrong with what she is doing - I require all the same things from my DC (MB here). However, if it's not working for you, better for both of you to be honest up front and part ways if necessary. While I don't necessarily choose the relaxed approach you are describing for your child, at the end of the day, you are the parent and it's up to you. Better to have a conversation with your nanny now and make clear what is and is not important to you, than to have it drive you crazy for months and confuse your DC with two sets of rules. (I will say, it would drive me crazy if our nanny didn't respect the names that my relatives have chosen for DC to address them by - that is not her call to make. Everything else she requires, I do too.)
Anonymous
05/28/2014 13:47
Subject: I didn't know I hired Ms. Manners
Another parent who is very strict about manners. Love that!
Anonymous
05/28/2014 13:46
Subject: Re:I didn't know I hired Ms. Manners
Anonymous wrote:(I am OP) I like the idea of my child being polite but I don't want a very authoritarian nanny. He spends every day with her. Surely he will internalize her strict demeanor and think he isn't good enough. She also refuses to answer if he calls her by her first name. She insists that she and any adult be called "Ms/Mr First Name." I have siblings, his aunts and uncles, who he calls by their first name. It seems really over the top for us.
Well then, OP, she doesn't sound like the nanny for you. Do her a favor and let her go where she will be appreciated, and find someone who is "fun". See what "fun" gets you when your kid is 5, can't do anything for himself, still expects you to clean up after him, and can't get used to the rules and structure of school. If she says things to him in a kind way, having some rules and expectations isn't going to ruin your special snowflake's special self esteem.
Anonymous
05/28/2014 13:42
Subject: Re:I didn't know I hired Ms. Manners
(I am OP) I like the idea of my child being polite but I don't want a very authoritarian nanny. He spends every day with her. Surely he will internalize her strict demeanor and think he isn't good enough. She also refuses to answer if he calls her by her first name. She insists that she and any adult be called "Ms/Mr First Name." I have siblings, his aunts and uncles, who he calls by their first name. It seems really over the top for us.
Anonymous
05/28/2014 13:37
Subject: I didn't know I hired Ms. Manners
Very well said..Nanny here. I wish everyone would think like that because it is a nightmare sometimes having to retrain a 3 yr old. If only parents realize that training begins from early on before the 1st birthday when we start telling them be careful or you'll get hurt if you do that..
Training never ever starts at 3 yrs and older..by then it is much more work
Training never ever starts at 3 yrs and older..by then it is much more work
Anonymous
05/28/2014 13:32
Subject: I didn't know I hired Ms. Manners
MB who requires please and thank you and has many of the same rules your nanny has. Not sure it's a bad thing? At 2, they are old enough to get it.
Anonymous
05/28/2014 13:31
Subject: Re:I didn't know I hired Ms. Manners
I think the difference between a nanny and a babysitter is that a nanny takes responsibility for the child's development while the babysitter takes responsibility for today. What your nanny is doing is child raising not just child watching.
Anonymous
05/28/2014 13:30
Subject: I didn't know I hired Ms. Manners
Anonymous wrote:I'm an MB w/ 2 1/2 yr old twins who I expect to say please, thank you, excuse me, you're welcome, etc...
I often behave the way your nanny does - making them ask nicely before they get what they want, having them clean up after themselves, refusing to move onto the next fun thing until they've done what I ask, etc...
Your nanny sounds great to me!
My kids are not perfect on these things I ask of them, but they're learning, and they are learning that this is how our family works - we all pitch in, we're all polite to other people, we take turns, tantrums aren't rewarded and so on. I want them to grow up this way - not suddenly have a new set of rules and expectations thrust upon them.
You may not be giving your 2 yr old enough credit for the things he is capable of understanding and doing. Your nanny may be very experienced and fully aware that a 2 yr old is developmentally very different than a 1 year old and the next year or two are pretty huge for establishing patterns of behavior and interaction.
Seriously - I'm not trying to be snarky - I am constantly surprised at the things my kids understand and can do. And I'm a little sad to see all the baby days behind us. But holding them back isn't doing them (or you) any favors in the long run. Wouldn't you love for your son to be the child who impresses other people with his lovely manners, who cleans up after himself as a matter of habit (not after a battle), who grows into playing a useful role in the family? Your nanny is showing you how that starts.
^^A mom that understands!
OP, I do exactly what your nanny does but I start even younger. As soon as they learn to talk or sign, please and thank you are the first and last words out of their mouth. When they start walking well, they can start cleaning up and putting plates in the sink. A two year old is no longer a baby and is capable of so much! Don't hinder his potential by excusing his behavior based on age. He would be asked to do the same things in daycare, preschool and in society no matter what. Your nanny sounds extremely experienced and I'm sure she fills his day with fun while teaching him to respect others and his belongings.
I would say you're behind on the manners, he should already be saying please without much prompting.
Anonymous
05/28/2014 13:29
Subject: I didn't know I hired Ms. Manners
My rule is to pick up as we go along. We may get a couple of things out and then we put something away before something else comes out. If you wait until the end of the day, you have a big mess.
Maybe you can ask her to lighten up just a tad, but I have always taught manners from an early age and I also model it to the children.
There are too many children growing up without manners. Be appreciative that your nanny believes in teaching them.
Maybe you can ask her to lighten up just a tad, but I have always taught manners from an early age and I also model it to the children.
There are too many children growing up without manners. Be appreciative that your nanny believes in teaching them.
Anonymous
05/28/2014 13:16
Subject: I didn't know I hired Ms. Manners
I'm an MB w/ 2 1/2 yr old twins who I expect to say please, thank you, excuse me, you're welcome, etc...
I often behave the way your nanny does - making them ask nicely before they get what they want, having them clean up after themselves, refusing to move onto the next fun thing until they've done what I ask, etc...
Your nanny sounds great to me!
My kids are not perfect on these things I ask of them, but they're learning, and they are learning that this is how our family works - we all pitch in, we're all polite to other people, we take turns, tantrums aren't rewarded and so on. I want them to grow up this way - not suddenly have a new set of rules and expectations thrust upon them.
You may not be giving your 2 yr old enough credit for the things he is capable of understanding and doing. Your nanny may be very experienced and fully aware that a 2 yr old is developmentally very different than a 1 year old and the next year or two are pretty huge for establishing patterns of behavior and interaction.
Seriously - I'm not trying to be snarky - I am constantly surprised at the things my kids understand and can do. And I'm a little sad to see all the baby days behind us. But holding them back isn't doing them (or you) any favors in the long run. Wouldn't you love for your son to be the child who impresses other people with his lovely manners, who cleans up after himself as a matter of habit (not after a battle), who grows into playing a useful role in the family? Your nanny is showing you how that starts.
I often behave the way your nanny does - making them ask nicely before they get what they want, having them clean up after themselves, refusing to move onto the next fun thing until they've done what I ask, etc...
Your nanny sounds great to me!
My kids are not perfect on these things I ask of them, but they're learning, and they are learning that this is how our family works - we all pitch in, we're all polite to other people, we take turns, tantrums aren't rewarded and so on. I want them to grow up this way - not suddenly have a new set of rules and expectations thrust upon them.
You may not be giving your 2 yr old enough credit for the things he is capable of understanding and doing. Your nanny may be very experienced and fully aware that a 2 yr old is developmentally very different than a 1 year old and the next year or two are pretty huge for establishing patterns of behavior and interaction.
Seriously - I'm not trying to be snarky - I am constantly surprised at the things my kids understand and can do. And I'm a little sad to see all the baby days behind us. But holding them back isn't doing them (or you) any favors in the long run. Wouldn't you love for your son to be the child who impresses other people with his lovely manners, who cleans up after himself as a matter of habit (not after a battle), who grows into playing a useful role in the family? Your nanny is showing you how that starts.
Anonymous
05/28/2014 13:09
Subject: I didn't know I hired Ms. Manners
Another nanny who expects a please and thank with any request, and my charge learned the signs at 12 months. Its second nature now, and it doesn't prevent us having tons of fun. She is also expected to help me with clean up throughout the day, helps to set her place for lunch, and puts her clothes in the hamper. She is not yet 2. My MB has describe and firm but warm and loving. I think if you make raising kids all about fun, you set yourself up for a LOT of work later.
Anonymous
05/28/2014 13:06
Subject: I didn't know I hired Ms. Manners
Just because she is strict about some things doesn't mean she's not fun as well.
But this is a matter of different child-rearing styles, and you have to decide if you can talk to her and find a compromise.
Some people will think 2 is a fine age to start doing something like clearing a sippy cup and plastic plate from a table. It is great to give kids responsbility, they love it. There is also no harm in learning good manners and to be tidy. I'm a MB and we usually get our kids to tidy up one toy before starting the next, but sometimes we need to let tidying up slide in order to get them to bath and bed or out the door to get somewhere.
If you want her to relax, you need to explain this to her:
"I think it's awesome that you are teaching Johnny good manners. This is something we haven't really embarked on as he is still so young. Please can you cut him some slack sometimes as he doesn't mean to disobey, he's just not used to these kinds of expectations. As we are generally a bit more relaxed about manners when he's with us, I wonder if we can find a middle ground?"
Or just tell her what your expectations are, you're the boss after all!
But this is a matter of different child-rearing styles, and you have to decide if you can talk to her and find a compromise.
Some people will think 2 is a fine age to start doing something like clearing a sippy cup and plastic plate from a table. It is great to give kids responsbility, they love it. There is also no harm in learning good manners and to be tidy. I'm a MB and we usually get our kids to tidy up one toy before starting the next, but sometimes we need to let tidying up slide in order to get them to bath and bed or out the door to get somewhere.
If you want her to relax, you need to explain this to her:
"I think it's awesome that you are teaching Johnny good manners. This is something we haven't really embarked on as he is still so young. Please can you cut him some slack sometimes as he doesn't mean to disobey, he's just not used to these kinds of expectations. As we are generally a bit more relaxed about manners when he's with us, I wonder if we can find a middle ground?"
Or just tell her what your expectations are, you're the boss after all!
Anonymous
05/28/2014 13:05
Subject: I didn't know I hired Ms. Manners
I'm a nanny and I also train my charges from 2yrs with politeness, manners a nd simple table etiquette. By 3 when their words come in fully you will be amazed because those pleases, thank you, sorry, excuse me will by then be ingrained and become part of their regular vocabulary. It is much easier to start young than to try to correct later when they are older
Anonymous
05/28/2014 13:01
Subject: I didn't know I hired Ms. Manners
I'm a nanny who's very strict about manners - I expect "please" and "thank you" from the twin two-year-olds I watch. I also expect them to put their dirty pj's in their laundry hamper every morning & help clean up their toys when they're done playing.
That being said we run around outside, play in the sand box, blow bubbles, color, finger paint, ride trykes, go for walks, and a ton of other fun things.
You can be strict with manners and still have a fun, loving relationship with your charges.
That being said we run around outside, play in the sand box, blow bubbles, color, finger paint, ride trykes, go for walks, and a ton of other fun things.
You can be strict with manners and still have a fun, loving relationship with your charges.
Anonymous
05/28/2014 12:57
Subject: I didn't know I hired Ms. Manners
Our new nanny has been with us for four weeks. She is very strict about manners. She will not give my two-year old ANYTHING unless he says please. After asking several times she will prompt him with the word. Only when he realizes what she wants will he say please and then he can have the item. Doesn't matter if its a batman toy or his lunch. She also asks and helps him to clean up the table after eating. We have never done that because he is so young. She will not take out any toys until he has cleared what he was previously playing with. Not sure why she can't wait until the end of the day to pick up the toys. She is never mean, just uncompromising.
I envisioned my son playing in finger paints or chasing bubbles when he is with the nanny. Now I wonder whether he is able to enjoy his day at all. Do other parents think this is too much? Did your nanny have similar rules?
I envisioned my son playing in finger paints or chasing bubbles when he is with the nanny. Now I wonder whether he is able to enjoy his day at all. Do other parents think this is too much? Did your nanny have similar rules?