Wow, you are beyond generous OP. I've been a nanny for 5 years and with my 1st family (who I was with for 4 years) I received a $1 an hour raise per year with an extra $1 raise the year they had a new baby. I also had 10 paid vacation days, 5 paid sick days, and paid federal holidays. They also contributed a set amount ($350) towards mt health care each month. It honestly sounds like (1) your nanny is trying to take advantage of you and (2) she doesn't understand that working 1/2 the hours that her friend works means that she should be making 1/2 the pay- assuming its a similar situation in regards to # of kids, workload, and hourly wage.

I am usually one if the most pro-nanny posters on here (at least among those of is who aren't nannies ourselves) but she expects you to pay $100% of insurance for her WHOLE FAMILY? That is not standard.

Anonymous wrote:Do not pay her $30 an hour. Give her a $2 increase, if even that and no longer pay her insurance. Then see how quickly she comes running back to wanting her insurance covered.

Newborns aren't that much work.

Spoken by a real nanny professional.

Do not pay her $30 an hour. Give her a $2 increase, if even that and no longer pay her insurance. Then see how quickly she comes running back to wanting her insurance covered.

Newborns aren't that much work.

Good luck with the next one.

This is OP. thank you for the responses. Part of the reason I posted was to make sure I was not crazy. I thought I was going to have to clean my brains off the ceiling when she said the package was "not fair"'to her. She is great I so many ways but as one of the PP said she is NOT a numbers person. And would you believe there is even more that was just too convoluted to post. We have all agreed that DH is handling the discussion at this point but he is going to make sure she knows we are a team. She spoke to him the other day and brought up things that (I thought) were resolved months ago. We may very well end up staying the course but will NoT do so at what she thinks is fair. Thank you for the validation. It was sorely needed!

$5/hr increase is way over market. It might be what is needed to keep this particular nanny but you need to decide if that is critical to you even if it requires you to pay way more money than you would need to pay someone else.
Your package sounds very generous OP.

I know this is a tough situation OP because if she's good with the children and your DD is attached to her it's hard to think about letting her go but what she's asking for is ridiculous. You are paying her MORE than fairly. I guess what it comes down to is how much is it worth it to you to keep her (both monetarily and listening to her complain all the time). Personally, I'd be so annoyed at this point, especially if she is using the words "not fair" like a 5 year old, that I think I would let her go and move on but only you can make that decision. For 2 children you should be able to find someone amazing for less than what you are paying now and more importantly they won't be adding stress to your life by complaining about money.

Offer her the 30/hr, but no insurance. Let us know how that goes. This assumes that the stability, and her infant care skills, are worth something to you.

Anonymous wrote:your nanny isn't a numbers person, probably has never worked outside the nanny field and doesn't get it. She will probably continue to resent you and ask for more. I am a nanny who replaced a nanny like this a few months ago. The family was stressed because they hired her to do a share, then the nanny wanted more money, then refused to do the share, then continued to ask for more money. They ended giving her two weeks notice and hired me since I was looking for a new share partner for the child I was currently with. Just a couple of days ago they gave me a gift card to my favorite store and told me how happy they are with me. You can do better. Your nanny should be making your life easier, not more stressful.

I agree with this. I would resent her so much by now that I would find it hard to work with her.

Personally, I think you need to tell her that you're starting over with compensation. You will no longer pay her insurance, but will instead increase her hourly wage by the same amount. That should bring her very close to $30/hr. If she expects that and $1100/mo insurance payment, you need to tell her you just can't afford it. You're overpaying and you know it.

your nanny isn't a numbers person, probably has never worked outside the nanny field and doesn't get it. She will probably continue to resent you and ask for more. I am a nanny who replaced a nanny like this a few months ago. The family was stressed because they hired her to do a share, then the nanny wanted more money, then refused to do the share, then continued to ask for more money. They ended giving her two weeks notice and hired me since I was looking for a new share partner for the child I was currently with. Just a couple of days ago they gave me a gift card to my favorite store and told me how happy they are with me. You can do better. Your nanny should be making your life easier, not more stressful.

I note that insurance went up around $100 a month this year and we already absorbed that increase which is why I have $1,000 in the initial post and $1100 in the 2nd post.

Those were the figures before the newborn. We offered her a TOTAL COMP increase that includes paying for all her insurance ($1,100/ month) and more than matching what she puts into her HSA. Keep in mind that we pay at least $24/hour for 30-plus hour weeks plus $800 plus in monthly insurance ($200/week) right now. We also gave her the option of moving to at least $26/hour without all the bells and whistles on the total comp side. I guess the big kicker is that she expected a $5/ hour increase for the newborn. We thought she was making above average to start and can't imagine how that type of increase was expected. A $5.00 hour increase would bring her close to $30/hour which seems to me higher than so many (actually all) that I know that have a toddler and a baby. She actually said our offer was "not fair" to her. She gets very stressed about the deductible on her insurance so we gave her some total comp options but could not give her anything close to $5/hour increase considering she already made at least $24/hour.

Sure, sounds fair. But we haven't heard from her. A newborn is a ton of work.

We have a nanny who has been with us for about 3 years. We love her as does our oldest DD who is 3. We also have a newborn. Our nanny always thinks about net pay even though we pay on the books. I knew what her net expectations were when we started and backed into the gross pay by learning a little about her husband, estimating her itemized and knowing how many dependents. We have always paid gross over over $20/hour plus a bonus worth 2 weeks pay at year end. Nanny got a COLA raise after year 1 and then after year two we gave the nanny the option of modestly adjusting down her pay rate and us assuming 80% of her $1,000 a month insurance (for her whole family) or we would give a a slightly larger than normal raise and she would pay all the insurance herself. It was a better deal for her to have us pay the insurance but she was focused on her net paycheck and continues to focus on that. A different employer used to pay for her insurance and those kids are now in high school so they no longer needed her in the afternoon. She works for us 30 plus hours a week and is here until early afternoon. She has found a new 2nd family. The problem with the pay situation in year 2 is that at the same time we were changing her comp and benefits, we added hours to her week (both our choices). She had a hard time seeing that the assumption of the insurance was more than a normal raise and even though I have showed her time and time again the numbers, she thinks it is unfair. Fast forward to this year when the pay raise anniversary rolled around and we had an infant AND her insurance costs have gone up (again we insure the whole family) and there is a now a deductible attached to her insurace. We have again provided her some options for her to choose how she can get an increment for the baby. I thought it was a fair package given a 9% increase in total comp last year with at least a 6% increase this year and possibly more depending on what she chose. I was again told we were not fair since she had a friend who received a much bigger increase for the addition of a child. I am very stressed about this since what we are offering is at least $24/hour gross plus at least $800 in insurance cost a month. She compares what we pay to her friends who work for one employer for 50-60 hours while she splits those 50-60 hours between 2 employers. Does $24/hour gross plus $800 in insurance plus 10 paid vacation days (with at least an additional 2 weeks paid weeks off due to vacations we take or travel we have when we still pay her), 5 sick/PTO days, all federal holidays plus the day after Thanksgiving, Christmas Eve and Good Friday off, at least $1,000 bonus, the use of our car (occasionally we need her to use hers but pay her for that), sound fair? The 3 year old is in scholl 3 days a week this year and it will be 4 next year.


As noted this has all gotten me rather stressed. She loves my children, they love her. I care about her as well but it has really gotten to me that she thinks I am unfair. Yes, she does laundry and helps around the house but I have always stressed that we don't require that and she knows that. We pay on the books and pay time and a half when it is over 40 hours a week (sometimes she sits at night for us and we adjust for that). I just don't want to feel that she resents me and thinks I am unfair when I think what we do IS fair so thought I would get some opinions here. This is the first time I have posted here but thought I would give it a go. Thank you.