Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your boss is not giving you any choices here. you can't do CIO, but your only way to help him sleep is to continuously enter and leave the room over and over which is clearly not working. so you did what you felt would work. he got rest he needed. I think that is better than him being cranky all afternoon.

Good point.

I cannot believe any parent is even instructing their nanny to enter and re-enter a room every five minutes for up to 45 minutes to calm a crying child!

Sorry OP, but it sounds to me like you have the job from Hell! I would quit if I had to deal with that. I would tell my MomBoss either let me do things the easy way or find another caregiver. It's unhealthy for the child to be crying for such a long time and it is much healthier for him to have you lie down and be a comforting presence so he can get his rest.

It does not sound to me like she has his best interest at heart regarding her son's physical health.

A child at that age NEEDS a daily nap. Kids this age grow so rapidly that their bodies need a break during the day to rest. To take the chance that he might forgo this important ritual daily is simply neglectful as a parent. That is precisely why he gets moody when he doesn't get his daily nap. It's nature's way of telling everyone that his body needs to settle down and take a break.

I see no harm in lying down beside his crib until he falls asleep. It's not like you are training him to sleep next to you in a bed or are giving him Benadryl to sleep.


I think this mother is just trying to control you and you should find another position.

Stop sockpuppeting, OP. Unless all of the sudden we now have two posters who randomly underline and italicize stuff, in which case stop doing that too.

Anonymous wrote:Your boss is not giving you any choices here. you can't do CIO, but your only way to help him sleep is to continuously enter and leave the room over and over which is clearly not working. so you did what you felt would work. he got rest he needed. I think that is better than him being cranky all afternoon.

Good point.

I cannot believe any parent is even instructing their nanny to enter and re-enter a room every five minutes for up to 45 minutes to calm a crying child!

Sorry OP, but it sounds to me like you have the job from Hell! I would quit if I had to deal with that. I would tell my MomBoss either let me do things the easy way or find another caregiver. It's unhealthy for the child to be crying for such a long time and it is much healthier for him to have you lie down and be a comforting presence so he can get his rest.

It does not sound to me like she has his best interest at heart regarding her son's physical health.

A child at that age NEEDS a daily nap. Kids this age grow so rapidly that their bodies need a break during the day to rest. To take the chance that he might forgo this important ritual daily is simply neglectful as a parent. That is precisely why he gets moody when he doesn't get his daily nap. It's nature's way of telling everyone that his body needs to settle down and take a break.

I see no harm in lying down beside his crib until he falls asleep. It's not like you are training him to sleep next to you in a bed or are giving him Benadryl to sleep.


I think this mother is just trying to control you and you should find another position.

Your boss is not giving you any choices here. you can't do CIO, but your only way to help him sleep is to continuously enter and leave the room over and over which is clearly not working. so you did what you felt would work. he got rest he needed. I think that is better than him being cranky all afternoon.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your MB is wrong. The child will only expect this behavior from you (unless the parents start doing it).

We, as nannies, have to do what the parents request in regard to their children. While the mother is wrong, we still have to do what they say even if we have a better solution or plan. Just the nature of the job. Your MB will probably be fine on Monday.

I disagree. If child needs a nap, it's my job to see that he naps. If MB's method isn't effective, it's my responsibility to move on to something better. What's the purpose in paying a higher priced experienced nanny, if you don't expect her to actually USE her experience to benefit the child?

Well but using a nanny's experience can come in the form of a conversation between the nanny and parents to strategize an approach that makes sense for everyone. It's unrealistic to expect a parent to hand over entire autonomy over what are essentially parenting decisions - a nanny might have more experience but all kids are different and there are a LOT of right ways to get to the same end result. I strategize with our nanny all the time. She makes suggestions and sometimes we take her approach and sometimes we do mine, and sometimes we try a bunch of things before we find one that works. I trust her and respect her opinion but that doesn't mean I don't still have the final say on things like this.

You may not see eye to eye with this family on sleep training but there is not always a single right way to do things when raising kids (sometimes it would be nice if there was!). There are different philosophies but that doesn't make different ways of doing things wrong. In this case, the parents have decided how they want to handle this, their approach is one of many (and totally reasonable FWIW) and isn't wrong, and you went against it. Honestly, I'd apologize, stop doing it, and move on. In the future, if you have recommendations, I'd schedule a meeting and talk to them first, clearly presenting your case and rationale. If this is one of many things you and the family don't see eye to eye on, then perhaps the family is not a good fit for you. But they are entitled to want consistency across care givers for their child and to make decisions about how parenting decisions like these are are handled.

Yes, you were wrong. The parents had given you clear and concise direction on how to handle naps. You ignored it.

A child at that age isn't going to expect his parents to suddenly start doing the exact same things that his nanny does. I think as long as the nanny doesn't mind doing it, which to me sounds like she doesn't, then it is a win-win for everyone involved. The baby doesn't have to spend so much time and energy and of course misery crying, he falls asleep comforted and in a timely manner and the nanny doesn't have to spend such a huge amount going in and out of the room coddling her charge.


The mother is just forming an assumption at this point. If I were in her shoes, I would take a wait-and-see approach. If the child did in fact start expecting his parents to lay down next to his bed, then as a mother, I would ask the nanny to cease doing this. But if he didn't, then I would let the nanny continue.

I would want my nanny to be happy with her job. A happy nanny = a happy child. My child. Whatever makes her job easier and more enjoyable, I am all for it.
Your MB doesn't sound like she is on the same team however.

Even if she does disagree, there are plenty worse things to get angry over.
This is truly nothing to even get miffed over.

I think your idea was ideal and it worked for both you and your charge.

If it causes issues later on, then deal with it then. Not now.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your MB is wrong. The child will only expect this behavior from you (unless the parents start doing it).

We, as nannies, have to do what the parents request in regard to their children. While the mother is wrong, we still have to do what they say even if we have a better solution or plan. Just the nature of the job. Your MB will probably be fine on Monday.

I disagree. If child needs a nap, it's my job to see that he naps. If MB's method isn't effective, it's my responsibility to move on to something better. What's the purpose in paying a higher priced experienced nanny, if you don't expect her to actually USE her experience to benefit the child?

Because the parent has the final say. As nannies, we can suggest - even strongly suggest - but the last word on any subject regarding their child comes from the parent.

Of course. But they need to hire that kind of nanny, which would certainly not be me. I always make that clear during the first meeting.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your MB is wrong. The child will only expect this behavior from you (unless the parents start doing it).

We, as nannies, have to do what the parents request in regard to their children. While the mother is wrong, we still have to do what they say even if we have a better solution or plan. Just the nature of the job. Your MB will probably be fine on Monday.

I disagree. If child needs a nap, it's my job to see that he naps. If MB's method isn't effective, it's my responsibility to move on to something better. What's the purpose in paying a higher priced experienced nanny, if you don't expect her to actually USE her experience to benefit the child?

Because the parent has the final say. As nannies, we can suggest - even strongly suggest - but the last word on any subject regarding their child comes from the parent.

Anonymous wrote:Your MB is wrong. The child will only expect this behavior from you (unless the parents start doing it).

We, as nannies, have to do what the parents request in regard to their children. While the mother is wrong, we still have to do what they say even if we have a better solution or plan. Just the nature of the job. Your MB will probably be fine on Monday.

I disagree. If child needs a nap, it's my job to see that he naps. If MB's method isn't effective, it's my responsibility to move on to something better. What's the purpose in paying a higher priced experienced nanny, if you don't expect her to actually USE her experience to benefit the child?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your MB is wrong. The child will only expect this behavior from you (unless the parents start doing it).

We, as nannies, have to do what the parents request in regard to their children. While the mother is wrong, we still have to do what they say even if we have a better solution or plan. Just the nature of the job. Your MB will probably be fine on Monday.

That's not true. My DH did this with our 18 month old and he then expected it of me and the nanny. I was just as upset with DH as your MB is with you.

I have been a nanny for over twenty years and have never found it to be true. Maybe, in your situation, it was because your DH did it and holds more authority with your child? I don't know - I was just giving my experience.

Currently I still rock my charge (16 months) to sleep while singing the same song for naps. His parents have never done this and he's always been a good "falling asleeper" Once, when they were exhausted and he wouldn't go to sleep they tried my method and he got mad at them!

^^I should add that I DO understand your frustration. I don't love CIO but have to do it with my DS sometimes but in the end they are the parents and it's their decision. If your feelings about sleep training don't line up with yours and it's making you unhappy then this job may just not be a good fit for you. That's up to you though.

Anonymous wrote:Your MB is wrong. The child will only expect this behavior from you (unless the parents start doing it).

We, as nannies, have to do what the parents request in regard to their children. While the mother is wrong, we still have to do what they say even if we have a better solution or plan. Just the nature of the job. Your MB will probably be fine on Monday.

That's not true. My DH did this with our 18 month old and he then expected it of me and the nanny. I was just as upset with DH as your MB is with you.

Your MB is wrong. The child will only expect this behavior from you (unless the parents start doing it).

We, as nannies, have to do what the parents request in regard to their children. While the mother is wrong, we still have to do what they say even if we have a better solution or plan. Just the nature of the job. Your MB will probably be fine on Monday.

I am a nanny for an Eighteen Month old Boy. He is a horrible napper. When it comes time for his nap, he tries anything and everything in his power to protest it.

He will claim he's hungry, thirsty, wants to play toys or read just "one more book" again and again.

Finally I put him down and then he of course cries and cries.

Now if it was my child, I would simply let him cry it out until he fell asleep on his own. In fact, that is how I sleep-trained my own children and while the crying it out lasted about 2 weeks max and was tough, the final outcome was so worth it. They learned that no matter what, they had to take a nap and no matter how long they cried, no one was going to come in + pick them up and soothe them every five minutes.

Well this child's parents do not believe in CIO and that is their personal choice, I am the nanny and my job is to follow their rule and do as I am instructed which is if he cries more than five minutes, I go into his room, pick him up and cradle/soothe him until he stops, then put him back down in his crib. This is to be done until he falls asleep, but if he doesn't fall asleep after say 45 min., then they say go ahead and forgo the nap which I honestly dread, because then he is so cranky the rest of the day it is unbearable!!!!!!

Anyway, the other day I was having a hard time getting him to sleep and was honestly desperate I admit. So when I stuck back in his crib for the fifth or sixth time screeching at the top of his lungs, I had an idea. I asked him if he wanted me to lay down next to the crib while he napped. I used a stuffed animal as a make-shift pillow and closed my eyes. He suddenly quieted down and said "Yes." Then knowing that I was laying next to his crib, he quieted down and seconds later, he was out like a light. I then got up and left and he got his nap in. Happy Ending, right? Wrong!!

When I told MB about my new idea and how it got him to fall asleep faster and easier, she wasn't too thrilled.
She told me now he would expect that of her + her husband in the future. In other words, to get him to nap or sleep in general later on, they will have to lay down next to him on the floor by the crib.

I told her I didn't think so...That he would only expect it of me, but she disagreed.

She said I had just opened up Pandora's Box and now I have created a problem on top of another problem.

Needless to say she isn't happy with me right now and things are awkward.

I have layed down next to other kids who didn't like naps before and their parents were cool....Why is she making a big deal about it?