Find a new job asap. It will get messy fast.

Yeah both MB and DB have always had a habit of over sharing. Something that I didn't usually mind. MB told me this information randomly one night and I did not know how to respond. Their marriage, I thought, was fine and I had previously thought all DB questions about a boyfriend was just paranoia on his part. I guess not. I'm thinking that something months ago must have triggered his suspicions so maybe he already kind of knows.

I do like the person who said to say this: "You know DB, you've asked me that several times and honestly it makes me a bit uncomfortable, so I'd appreciate it if you wouldn't ask me these kinds of questions in the future".

Diverting the question, rather than flat out lie.

In all honesty, Nanny, it is time to look for a new job. Your MB and DB have already crossed the line with you and they will most likely begin to "punish" you for your knowledge of their personal lives. If they divorce, you'll be in a horrid position as a go-between. If they reconcile, you'll be in a horrid position because they'll never forget that you know.


Spiff up your resume and get a new head-shot on care.com. Best of luck - you certainly didn't deserve this crap.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think I would ask MB not to disclose anything more to me that she has not told her husband or is willing to tell her husband. Then, if asked, I would tell the husband that I cannot get involved in this discussion.

What a mess!

+1

Your change in answer from "no" to "I'd rather not be involved" tells him what he needs to know, but makes clear that you want no parts of this. Start looking for your next job, unless you want to be like the nanny in the divorce thread. This is about to blow up.

Personally, I would actually try and downplay the fact that your answer is changing, even just hinting at the truth is getting too involved in all of this IMO. I'd probably phrase it like "You know DB, you've asked me that several times and honestly it makes me a bit uncomfortable, so I'd appreciate it if you wouldn't ask me these kinds of questions in the future". But I do agree that you should start looking for a new job, all of this is just SO unprofessional from both of them.

I understand what you're saying, but I personally feel like DB should know. His wife is an idiot for blabbing, and I think cheaters get away with it for so long because everyone is of the mind your business philosophy. At this point your job is over, OP, and I would have no qualms about subtley hinting at the truth. However I probably would have shut down that line of questioning the very first time he asked.

Regardless of what you personally think, it is in NO way your business to interfere with someone else's marriage. Yes, this particular MB involved her nanny when she disclosed the boyfriend, but that does not give OP the right to insert her personal morals and tell the husband. She needs to maintain professionalism, even if her employers can't.

She made it her business when she told her. And I didn't say to tell him out and out, but refusing to answer, when she has answered no previously, does in fact give him a clue as to what is going on, and I don't think that is a problem. The idea of community is dead today because everyone wants to mind their own business. That's just code for, I only care about myself and mine. I think that attitude is damaging.

Get another job, leave without notice and tell DB on the way out the door. Then wash your hands of them.

I would ask mb not to tell you any more. You could even say that db has asked you and it puts you in an awkward situation now Next time db asks do what the others have suggested-say that he has asked you a few times and it leaves you feeling embarrassed

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think I would ask MB not to disclose anything more to me that she has not told her husband or is willing to tell her husband. Then, if asked, I would tell the husband that I cannot get involved in this discussion.

What a mess!

+1

Your change in answer from "no" to "I'd rather not be involved" tells him what he needs to know, but makes clear that you want no parts of this. Start looking for your next job, unless you want to be like the nanny in the divorce thread. This is about to blow up.

Personally, I would actually try and downplay the fact that your answer is changing, even just hinting at the truth is getting too involved in all of this IMO. I'd probably phrase it like "You know DB, you've asked me that several times and honestly it makes me a bit uncomfortable, so I'd appreciate it if you wouldn't ask me these kinds of questions in the future". But I do agree that you should start looking for a new job, all of this is just SO unprofessional from both of them.

I understand what you're saying, but I personally feel like DB should know. His wife is an idiot for blabbing, and I think cheaters get away with it for so long because everyone is of the mind your business philosophy. At this point your job is over, OP, and I would have no qualms about subtley hinting at the truth. However I probably would have shut down that line of questioning the very first time he asked.

Regardless of what you personally think, it is in NO way your business to interfere with someone else's marriage. Yes, this particular MB involved her nanny when she disclosed the boyfriend, but that does not give OP the right to insert her personal morals and tell the husband. She needs to maintain professionalism, even if her employers can't.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think I would ask MB not to disclose anything more to me that she has not told her husband or is willing to tell her husband. Then, if asked, I would tell the husband that I cannot get involved in this discussion.

What a mess!

+1

Your change in answer from "no" to "I'd rather not be involved" tells him what he needs to know, but makes clear that you want no parts of this. Start looking for your next job, unless you want to be like the nanny in the divorce thread. This is about to blow up.

Personally, I would actually try and downplay the fact that your answer is changing, even just hinting at the truth is getting too involved in all of this IMO. I'd probably phrase it like "You know DB, you've asked me that several times and honestly it makes me a bit uncomfortable, so I'd appreciate it if you wouldn't ask me these kinds of questions in the future". But I do agree that you should start looking for a new job, all of this is just SO unprofessional from both of them.

I understand what you're saying, but I personally feel like DB should know. His wife is an idiot for blabbing, and I think cheaters get away with it for so long because everyone is of the mind your business philosophy. At this point your job is over, OP, and I would have no qualms about subtley hinting at the truth. However I probably would have shut down that line of questioning the very first time he asked.

PP is right on

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think I would ask MB not to disclose anything more to me that she has not told her husband or is willing to tell her husband. Then, if asked, I would tell the husband that I cannot get involved in this discussion.

What a mess!

+1

Your change in answer from "no" to "I'd rather not be involved" tells him what he needs to know, but makes clear that you want no parts of this. Start looking for your next job, unless you want to be like the nanny in the divorce thread. This is about to blow up.

Personally, I would actually try and downplay the fact that your answer is changing, even just hinting at the truth is getting too involved in all of this IMO. I'd probably phrase it like "You know DB, you've asked me that several times and honestly it makes me a bit uncomfortable, so I'd appreciate it if you wouldn't ask me these kinds of questions in the future". But I do agree that you should start looking for a new job, all of this is just SO unprofessional from both of them.

Anonymous wrote:I think I would ask MB not to disclose anything more to me that she has not told her husband or is willing to tell her husband. Then, if asked, I would tell the husband that I cannot get involved in this discussion.

What a mess!

+1

Your change in answer from "no" to "I'd rather not be involved" tells him what he needs to know, but makes clear that you want no parts of this. Start looking for your next job, unless you want to be like the nanny in the divorce thread. This is about to blow up.

I would give the exact same answer the next time either parent brought it up "This is a very personal discussion and one I would rather not be in the middle of. If you have concerns about your marriage, please discuss them with your spouse or a therapist"

PP made great points.
First, tell MB not to discuss such personal, private matters with you anymore. It crosses the boundary line in a major way.
Second, if DB asks again, I'd gently tell him that he needs to be having this discussion with his wife.

I think I would ask MB not to disclose anything more to me that she has not told her husband or is willing to tell her husband. Then, if asked, I would tell the husband that I cannot get involved in this discussion.

What a mess!

DB has suspected for awhile that MB is having an affair. He has asked me several times if I know if she has a boyfriend. I always answered no truthfully because I honestly didn't know. MB just confessed to me she has had a boyfriend for several months. Now I'm afraid if DB asks me again, and I lie and say no, and he finds out I lied he won't trust me that I'm not lying about other things. I don't think I would be fired so that's not even the issue.

So...would you lie?