Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow - that is a really tough situation to be in! While I don't have any advice, I do have a warning - do not get involved in their disputes, never speak to one about the other and never take sides. Just stay completely neutral in everything.

I think this is excellent advice. I also like the idea of sitting down w/ both parents just to focus on the kid(s) and your role, the plan for maintaining calm and stability for them, what they need/want from you, what you can ask from them that will help buffer the kids.

Do not get involved.

Please do yourself a favor and don't ask these two, people you describe as going through a "messy" divorce, to sit down together with you. Begin by asking each parent separately about those issues ("how do you think I can best help provide stability to the children during these transitions?" or "how do you see my role changing in the coming months?"). If after getting the answers from both you feel they are on dramatically different pages, go ahead and send a group email - do not try to organize a sit down. If they ask you to one, of course go, but that suggestion shouldn't come from you.

I feel for you OP! I had that happen last year with the family I was working for at the time. I tried to stay neutral and think I did a pretty good job. The problem I had, that I hadn't thought about, was the kids were being spoiled, rude and demanding. They learned really quickly how to manipulate both their parents and they became impossible to handle. I've been a nanny for 12 years and those kids were the only kids I couldn't help. Sadly I heard through mutual friends that they have gone through 3 nannies in less than a year since I left.

I really hope your situation works out better than mine. I would also suggest doing some reading on how to help kids learn to deal with their emotions.

I take the side of the parent who pays me and I like best.

I hope this works out. At least the kid has a consistent nanny while the family falls apart ...

Thanks. I like the idea of the sit down.

Anonymous wrote:Wow - that is a really tough situation to be in! While I don't have any advice, I do have a warning - do not get involved in their disputes, never speak to one about the other and never take sides. Just stay completely neutral in everything.

I think this is excellent advice. I also like the idea of sitting down w/ both parents just to focus on the kid(s) and your role, the plan for maintaining calm and stability for them, what they need/want from you, what you can ask from them that will help buffer the kids, etc...

I've not been in this position but it sounds really tough. I hope they are able to get through the worst of it quickly, and work well with you to maintain the best possible environment for the kid(s).

Good luck.

I have and always will "take the side" of the child. If the parents don't like it, their choice. I am clear about my ultimate purpose in every situation.

While I can try to accommodate parental preferences, I will never do so if there are significantly better options that are in the best interests of the child.

The fact that some parents may not want to work with my basic philosophy and priorities, is understandable. The majority of domestic workers out there are happy to comply to any parental demand, with total disregard to the optimal healthy development of the child.

Wow - that is a really tough situation to be in! While I don't have any advice, I do have a warning - do not get involved in their disputes, never speak to one about the other and never take sides. Just stay completely neutral in everything.

How tragic. If only they knew what this does to the children.

Any advice to deal with bosses that are currently going through a messy angry divorce? How to handle (basically) two different bosses and two different households? Someone suggested to me that they write out the custody schedule month by month so all three of us are on the same page. The family is really great but parents DO NOT get a long AT ALL!