Why aren't you blaming your cousin? Family steals from family

Anonymous wrote:OP here... Thanks for the feedback, I'll report to another forum and reword tone it down... I really just intended to have my questions answered rather than vent.

But, I did already scour the house looking for the ring and necklace.

And for the record, I grew up in a LE household and I lived paycheck to paycheck (broke) for some years. But I shouldn't imply that LE individuals (like I was) would be more likely to steal than others because some of my friends have been ripped (even one identity theft) by roommates with plenty of family money.

Thank you. My heart sank when I read that this morning - my DD and I are "food stamp poor" and it breaks my heart to think some day she may be over at a friend's house, their parent may not be able to find jewelry and they could assume simply because she's poor that she might steal. She's not that kind of girl. So really, thank you, for retracting your statement. And I hope you find your stuff soon.

I'd ask her. "Susie, I left a ring out on my dresser the other day and can't find it. It's silver with a green stone. Have you seen it around the house?"

To answer your questions:
Not sure if it happens often with babysitters. We also don't know how you found this sitter, if you spoke to her references, etc. I've heard a story or two of babysitters stealing from families, but I also know of plenty who don't.

Do you carefully hide and/or lock up all valuables at all times with trusted babysitters, nannies and housekeepers?
Yes, I lock up anything of sentimental value. Not just when someone is over -- unless I'm wearing it, I prefer to keep it locked up.

Do you keep stuff and all paperwork in a locked closet door or file cabinets? I've been meaning to install a lock on my bedroom closet door.
My important papers are in a fireproof and waterproof safe.

And (stupid question) How do you find someone you really TRUST to watch your kids or even come into your house while you're away?
Interview. check references. Listen to your instincts.

OP here... Thanks for the feedback, I'll report to another forum and reword tone it down... I really just intended to have my questions answered rather than vent.

But, I did already scour the house looking for the ring and necklace.

And for the record, I grew up in a LE household and I lived paycheck to paycheck (broke) for some years. But I shouldn't imply that LE individuals (like I was) would be more likely to steal than others because some of my friends have been ripped (even one identity theft) by roommates with plenty of family money.

As a mom whose tooth brush has been missing for 4 days (don't worry I bought a cheap back up until I can find my electrical one), I'm surprised you aren't wondering if your toddler somehow grabbed them and put them in another cabinet/drawer. I'm always amazed by the random stuff I find in cabinets and drawers because my toddler seems to think it is a better storage place for those objects.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is not a babysitting forum, it's a nanny forum.

+1

It would do good for you two to unclench. It's okay to ask questions about babysitting on here, geez.

OP, I would be upset as well but the sitter being low income does not equate to being a thief. I am low income but never stole any items from families I worked for. Now, if you're absolutely sure it was the sitter who stole the jewelry, don't ask her to come again. There are many times I go to a family's home and jewelry/money/other personal valuables are lying around. It's pretty normal. I think you may have unfortunately just got an untruthful sitter but there are many more who ARE trustful. Good luck.

Anonymous wrote:You post rubs my the wrong way.I would seriously contemplate the question of whether it is possible you moved the ring around.

This. Or maybe your toddler moved stuff. But yeah, assuming she'd still because she's over a lower SES than you is just being a bitch.

Be very careful before accusing the sitter of anything. It sounds like she has had a difficult life and I can imagine how horrible it would feel for her if it ended up that she was innocent.

You post rubs my the wrong way.I would seriously contemplate the question of whether it is possible you moved the ring around.

Another thought, though: is there any chance you may be having memory issues? Moving valuable things around to keep them safe, then totally forgetting having done it?

Anonymous wrote:As someone who comes from a very low income area, I M outrageously offended that you would think being poor equals being more likely to steal. If you researched at all you would know better.

+1

As someone who comes from a very low income area, I M outrageously offended that you would think being poor equals being more likely to steal. If you researched at all you would know better.

Anonymous wrote:This is not a babysitting forum, it's a nanny forum.

+1

This is not a babysitting forum, it's a nanny forum.

I've always had trust issues letting housekeepers into my home after hearing others' horror stories of personal item or identity theft... so I always cleaned my own house despite having little free time to do so. But now, as a single, f/t working parent of a toddler, I need to occasionally hire sitters (and I could really use a housekeeper now).

I thought I found the perfect babysitter for my son... a teenage high school student who is smart, athletic, very personable, etc. and enjoys playing with my son (and he adores her). I hired her as my mother's helper several times a month for 6 months before I let her sit for my son while I was away.

But this weekend I discovered one of my favorite rings missing (the only gemstone I had) as well as a gold chain... I kept both on my dresser for easy access as well as other misc jewelry (because I never seem to find time to organize). The only people with access to my bedroom recently were my son's babysitter, a cousin who babysat once, and an electrician from a reputable company who installed an outlet (but I'm pretty sure I wore the ring since the electrician's visit).

Of course, I mostly blame myself for being so disorganized to be careless and leave stuff out instead of locking it away. And, I'm not going to make any accusations for this reason or the slight chance that the ring may be misplaced. But I do suspect the babysitter due to easy access with me away and because she comes from a low income household where money may be tight.

I mostly VENTING but I am interested in others' suggestions:

Does this sort of thing happen often with babysitters?

Do you carefully hide and/or lock up all valuables at all times with trusted babysitters, nannies and housekeepers?

Do you keep stuff and all paperwork in a locked closet door or file cabinets? I've been meaning to install a lock on my bedroom closet door.

And (stupid question) How do you find someone you really TRUST to watch your kids or even come into your house while you're away?

I am bummed out due to the loss of my ring with monetary and sentimental value but also the loss of my son's playmate babysitter that I will no longer trust out of site in my house unless I find the missing ring. And because it is SO HARD doing EVERYTHING without help (and then not trusting the help you get)!!!!