When she comes to work drunk, then complain. Until then, work on your ego issues. She is a fully grown adult, separate from you. You cannot control everything she does. Your opinions do not have to be her moral compass. And what she does in her off time, safely, legally, and out of sight of your children, is not the business of your family.

So lets get this straight....she didn't appear visibly drunk, took a cab home,may have slurred 4 words, and responded groggily when you woke her up by knocking on her door at 9am?

I'm an MB and you don't sound cut out to be an MB for a live in. Nothing she did is out of the range of normal for a 22 year old, nothing suggested she was extremely drunk (or really even all that drunk) or was acting irresponsible!

Your nanny did not need your help either getting home or getting up the stairs. If you hadn't been up watching a movie, you'd never have known she was drunk the night before. She is 23. You are overreacting. It is none of your business what she does on her off hours as she is a tenant when she isn't working and it doesn't even sound like she was loud coming home.

Anonymous wrote:Live-ins get the worst wrap. They get less pay, less privacy, have a hard time ever feeling "off the clock", while parents get the advantage of knowing the nanny will never be late for work and getting to know her on a more intimate level than a live-out, meaning trust is easier to build (generally speaking). Families housing a live-in need to take extra care not to take advantage of this gift, if she is indeed a good nanny.

OP, when she is off the clock, she is *not* the nanny. She becomes your roommate. Keeping this in mind will save you both countless amounts of grief. Would you knock on your roommate's door early in the morning on their day off, when they haven't come out yet (so you can assume they're asleep), for any reason beyond the house being on fire? Unless you want to create a problem where there isn't one and lose a good employee, you need to learn to draw that line.

+1 I was a live in for a really long time. I was extremely responsible. If I went out with friends I would always cab it home. One family didn't understand my need to socialize. It drove them nuts! I left within the year.

Op, give her some space. She is an adult.

Live-ins get the worst wrap. They get less pay, less privacy, have a hard time ever feeling "off the clock", while parents get the advantage of knowing the nanny will never be late for work and getting to know her on a more intimate level than a live-out, meaning trust is easier to build (generally speaking). Families housing a live-in need to take extra care not to take advantage of this gift, if she is indeed a good nanny.

OP, when she is off the clock, she is *not* the nanny. She becomes your roommate. Keeping this in mind will save you both countless amounts of grief. Would you knock on your roommate's door early in the morning on their day off, when they haven't come out yet (so you can assume they're asleep), for any reason beyond the house being on fire? Unless you want to create a problem where there isn't one and lose a good employee, you need to learn to draw that line.

Are your kids awake when she's coming home drunk? If not then they probably don't know which means she's not REALLY setting a bad example for them.

She's 22.

I've never been drunk in my life, but if I were going to be, it'd probably be around that age and on a night when I didnt have work the next day.

Anonymous wrote:Op here. You guys are so quick to jump on my case! I don't think she is bad person in fact she is great with the kids. She is 22 and very mature for her age, which is why I am wondering about the drinking.

Question: how was it passive aggressive to knock on her door. I ask he usually in her off time if she would like anything if I am on the way out. Sometimes she said "no thanks" other times she will ask for something like nail polish remover or tampons or skim milk if I'm on the way to the store.

Well yes... because you were quick to jump on her case. Nanny comes home drunk, says hi to you, and then stumbles up to bed to go to sleep - and your first reaction is so come freak out about it here? She is 22. All the more reason to not worry about it. I'd be a lot more concerned if your 22 year old nanny spent every night cooped up in her room, showing no signs of a normal and active social life.

I'm the PP who said it's passive aggressive - in this instance, it's PA because you were aware that she had come home very late the night before, was probably feeling at least slightly crappy from the drinking, and was probably still asleep. Clearly you were judging or at least questioning the fact that she'd been drinking - if you didn't mind or had a sense of humour about it, you'd let her sleep and wait for her to come out of her room instead of knocking on her door at 9am with a non-urgent matter.

Anonymous wrote:personally, I don't drink and have very little tolerance for people who do, particularly to the point of being drunk. PP, that is absolutely not a normal human behavior and people like you are the reason there millions of families who have lost family members who whose lives have been permanently altered because of drunk driving, lost wages due to hangovers etc etc. Drinking is unbelievably stupid and selfish.

OP, yes I would talk to her about this. If she wants the privacy to get trashed whenever she feels like it and potentially get taken advantage of, raped, killed, kill someone else or whatever, then she needs to rent her own apartment. When you are a live in nanny you lose the right to privacy.

You need help.

personally, I don't drink and have very little tolerance for people who do, particularly to the point of being drunk. PP, that is absolutely not a normal human behavior and people like you are the reason there millions of families who have lost family members who whose lives have been permanently altered because of drunk driving, lost wages due to hangovers etc etc. Drinking is unbelievably stupid and selfish.

OP, yes I would talk to her about this. If she wants the privacy to get trashed whenever she feels like it and potentially get taken advantage of, raped, killed, kill someone else or whatever, then she needs to rent her own apartment. When you are a live in nanny you lose the right to privacy.

Op here. You guys are so quick to jump on my case! I don't think she is bad person in fact she is great with the kids. She is 22 and very mature for her age, which is why I am wondering about the drinking.

Question: how was it passive aggressive to knock on her door. I ask he usually in her off time if she would like anything if I am on the way out. Sometimes she said "no thanks" other times she will ask for something like nail polish remover or tampons or skim milk if I'm on the way to the store.

Unless she is pounding back shots with your kids, mind your own business. She pays for the room and (as long as she is 21) can do what the hell she likes as long as it doesn't stand in the way of her doing her job properly.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you waiting up with the kids for the nanny to get back at night?
How did you find her?

No, she came in at about 2 am and I was on the couch watching a movie. She kinda stumbled up the stairs and was slurring the "oh hello, you're up late" but wasn't otherwise visibly intoxicated. I didn't "find her". Do you mean in the morning? I knocked on her door at 9 to ask if she wanted anything from the store and she was groggy-ish.

1. She is a fully grown adult and what she does in her off-duty time is absolutely none of your concern, as long as it does not endanger or somehow harm you/your family.
2. The bolded part - that's incredibly passive aggressive. You knew she came home late after drinking. Most people just want to sleep in and relax after a night like that. Was it absolutely necessary to knock on her door at 9am? If I were a live in nanny, I'd be pretty PO'd if my bosses pulled something like that.

Your nanny is a human being and is allowed to have a life, despite living with you. Coming home drunk is normal human behaviour. I'm a live out nanny and stumble home drunk at least once every weekend, but the beauty of being a live out is that my bosses have no idea. You need to treat her like a live out when she is off duty.

Anonymous wrote:Are you waiting up with the kids for the nanny to get back at night?
How did you find her?

No, she came in at about 2 am and I was on the couch watching a movie. She kinda stumbled up the stairs and was slurring the "oh hello, you're up late" but wasn't otherwise visibly intoxicated. I didn't "find her". Do you mean in the morning? I knocked on her door at 9 to ask if she wanted anything from the store and she was groggy-ish.

Are you waiting up with the kids for the nanny to get back at night?
How did you find her?

Last night she came in drunk and slept until about 11 am today. She is off duty from Thursday night till Monday morning. She works M-F 6 am- 8pm. Should I talk with her about this? I'm not worried about her driving drunk because she took a cab, but I am concerned about the example she is setting for the kids. Does anyone else have this issue with live in?